


Insomnia

by Majinie



Series: Insomnia [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, JARVIS teasing Tony, Loki Needs a Hug, Lots of dialogues, M/M, Magicless Loki, Nightmares, Odin's A+ Parenting, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Past Torture, Sleepless, Slow Build, Tony drunk, a bit of Jotun!Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-04 00:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 62,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2892983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majinie/pseuds/Majinie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony can't sleep because of nightmares after the New York-incident.<br/>Loki doesn't want to sleep because of things that are yet to come.</p><p>Stripped of his powers, the god of mischief is sent to earth and found by Tony who gives him shelter for reasons he doesn't understand himself - because honestly, throwing him out of a window hasn't earned Loki sympathy points, really. It could be fine anyway if there wasn't the promise The Other had given Loki before...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story now has a German translation! ^.^  
> You can find it here: http://www.fanfiktion.de/s/554285450003358f2d6954fe/1/Insomnia

“This is beyond ridiculous!”

Loki's eyes were sparkling with fury as he glared up at the Allfather, chained and held in place by guards in front of the throne. “I even prefer the dungeons against _this_ ”, he hissed.

“This is why I am forced to do this”, Odin replied, sounding terribly tired. “The dungeons have not changed you – the humans may.”

“So that's it? You decide over my fate – again? Let me be a stone in your game again you can shift as you please?” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “Send me to the humans because it worked on my _brother_?” He spat the word like a particularly disgusting fruit. “Well, if this is it, Midgard shall it be.”

Without waiting for another answer, Loki turned around. He could almost feel the resigned nod of the Allfather allowing his guards to follow him as he walked out of the hall with as much dignity left as possible.

Only Thor caught the faint glimmer of fear in his brother's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... it's a prologue. Not a really good one, I admit that, but necessary to get into the story, I guess.
> 
> Next update is coming soon, probably today, I see what I can do... Anybody who likes to read beta for me? ...Pleeaaase? ^^" I would really appreciate that since English is not my first language so... feel free to message me... x3
> 
> However, see you (my non-existent readers) next (first) chapter! ^.^


	2. Welcome to Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds Loki. Kind of. More so, JARVIS does.  
> And he'll be surprised...

The day had started quite normal. Well, he hadn't slept, but that had grown to be a part of _normal_ with the time passing. So he had done what he always did, building and improving suits, being the good guy and blowing a few Doombots up when SHIELD had called him out, and now he was on his way back home. So, as said before, a quite normal day for Tony Stark, if not for JARVIS alerting him in the middle of the flight: “Sir, I have identified a hostile presence on the ground.”

“Define, JARVIS”, Tony sighed.

“It appears that it is Loki, sir.” The millionaire gasped and lost control for a second, drawing circles and loops in the sky until he regained his balance.

“Shouldn't that guy be rotting in a prison cell right now?”, he asked, hovering in the air. He was in an unpopulated area, only a few fields and a forest nearby, and watched the figure of Loki he had spotted by now. The god was walking towards the trees, barely visible in his dark clothing while the night took over.

“Obviously, he is not”, the AI replied.

“Yeah, now that's just great”, Tony muttered and began to approach the figure below head-first until he was right in front of him, causing Loki to startle and shrink back at the view of Iron Man landing in front of him.

"You", Stark hissed.

"Me", Loki replied and looked up at Iron Man who was raising his hand slowly. "I'm afraid there is no window to toss you out this time so I suggest we should... continue this later, if you don't mind." He seemed strangely nervous for someone who was usually that composed.

"If that was supposed to be a joke it was not funny", Tony mumbled and his hand repulsor began to glow. The eyes of the trickster god widened and he took a few steps back.

"You look awfully serious right now", he muttered.

"I _am_ god damn serious!"

"Stark, stop this!", the god snarled. "I have not even done anything since I'm here!"

"You mean besides destroying New York and killing like... a few hundred people?", the engineer growled.

"Oh, come on. At least not in the past... two minutes!", Loki tried again.

"That's not going to work, you stupid little..."

"You are supposed to be a hero, heroes do not fight unarmed persons!"

"It's not like you needed weapons to be dangerous", Stark sighed. This whole conversation was ridiculous.

"I take that as a compliment. But this is going to be really boring if you just kill me without me being able to defend myself." The trickster god swallowed and stared nervously at the suit which seemed ready to fire at any moment.

"Who are you trying to fool, Loki?", Stark asked, although he decided not to shoot the prince. At least not right now.

"Do you really think that low of the Asgardians?", he chuckled. "After my _brother_ ", he spat the word like a disgusting fruit or something, "has brought me back like this, do you think they would just let me escape and return to Midgard again? Because if you do, I am deeply disappointed of your so-called genius." He folded his arms in front of his chest. He was not going to like what was following, but if he wanted to keep Stark from grilling him he had to be convinced that Loki was no threat to him. Hesitatingly he continued: "As much as I hate to admit it, I am not here out of my free will." He snorted. "The oh-so-wise Allfather has sent me here so I can undergo some... _character development._ He wants me to grow as soft as Thor. Therefore he", Loki bit his lower lip while his blue eyes were shining with anger, "stripped me off my powers so I am in no way stronger than some worthless human."

Half a minute Stark just stared at him in disbelief, then he demanded: "Prove it." The god visibly tensed.

"Is that really necessary?", he mumbled, shifting uncomfortable.

"If you don't want to be blown to dust, I would recommend it", the Iron Man replied. Sighing, Loki began to undo his armour and pull up his sleeve until his forearm was bare. Well, _bare_ was not quite the word to describe it.

Tony gasped as he looked at the runes curved into the pale skin. At some spots there was still some dried blood to be seen and he had noticed the way in which the god had winced every time the fabric had rubbed over the wounds.

"Proof enough?", Loki mumbled, suddenly sounding rather subdued.

Stark nodded and let the outstretched arm drop to his side, the glow of the repulsor fading as he did so. It took a few seconds for him to regain the ability to speak. Meanwhile the god had hidden his arm again.

"So... what am I going to do with you?", he asked slowly. The other one just shrugged and answered: "I've been asking that question myself and couldn't quite seem to find an answer... I guess I will not be able to do some heroic fighting and sacrifice my life to safe my dearest friends", he let out a bitter laugh, "because first I am not interested in humans and second I have not the _least_ bit of interest in getting myself killed just because of a mood-swing of my stupid father!" Loki’s voice had become louder and louder with every word until he shouted, his hands clenched into fists and his shoulders shaking heavily.

"Whoa, slow down, buddy", Stark soothed. "You... do not coincidentally need someone to talk, do you? Because you really look like it."

 "I do not need help of any human being", the god growled and turned around as if to walk away.

"Not so fast, Reindeer Games!", Stark shouted and used a small thrust of his repulsors to close the gap between them so he could take a firm hold of the other's wrist. Loki winced and let out a sharp hiss, turning around at the same moment to snap at him: "You let go right now or I am going to rip your god damn head off!"

Immediately, Iron Man obeyed and released the god who stumbled backwards and bit his lower lip while he pressed the arm to his body, obviously in pain.

"Sorry, I..."

"Didn't mean it? Didn't use my brain? Not like I expected anything else", Loki sneered, almost sounding huffily.

"Calm down, I didn't do it by purpose", Stark sighed. "You act like some five-year-old. Why am I even apologizing? Not that you hadn't deserved this."

"You have _no_ idea what you are talking about!", the god yelled, suddenly agitated again. "Just shut your damn mouth for a minute and get back home to this cute blonde awaiting you."

"We're not mentioning Pepper", came the answer which had become routine during the past few weeks for Stark. Since the day Pepper had broke up because she couldn't... He shook his had. Neither the right time nor the right place for that.

"Sweet", Loki muttered, slowly letting go of his aching arm. "Well, do I have the permission to leave now?", he asked sarcastically with a slightly murderous glare.

"You don't", Iron Man simply replied.

"... What?"

"You don't. You're a threat. I'll be calling SHIELD and..."  
  
"No, you don't!", Loki interrupted. "Anything but that. I am _not_ here to linger in some glass cell until I rot away. Get that idea out of your head."

"What makes you think I am going to obey?", Stark asked grinning under the helmet.

"Oh, come on. Do you want me to die because of boredom?", the god moaned.

"Better ideas?"

"You still own me a drink", Loki reminded, suddenly smiling slyly.

"Are... are you serious?", Stark demanded, flabbergasted.

"I always am."

"So... you are basically asking me to take you home with me, do I get that right?"

"Not asking. Suggesting."

"Hell, you actually _are_ serious, aren't you?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. I mean, yay, first chapter done. I don't really like it, I honestly suck at beginnings, but since I'm not paid for this - deal with it! ;P  
> I think it's going to become better from now on, although I can tell the first few chapters will have lots of dialogues 'cause there is pretty much to explain (but that's even in the tags so I guess you're prepared for this :D).  
> See y'all! ^.^


	3. To drink or not to drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is at Stark's and... actually, there does not happen much. Because slow build and so on, you remember? ;)

There was a reason why Loki hardly drank. Actually he was happy he couldn't recall the events when he had done it. He was not Asgardian and his body did not comprehend as much alcohol as his so-called brother downed in one evening, it never had.

That was why he was glaring at the liquid in the glass suspiciously now, sitting on top of a bar stool at the (apparently fixed) counter in the room he had challenged Stark only weeks before. Even the window was whole again.

An awkward silence hung over the two men at the bar until Stark tried loosening it up: "What's the matter? Do you think I poisoned this?"

"I would not put it past you", Loki muttered under his breath.

"I drank _three_ shots while you are just staring at yours all the time." Stark already sounded slightly slurred while talking.

"Aye, I noticed by the way you are not able to articulate yourself properly any longer", the god replied with a hint of mockery.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Just keep drinking."

"You don't believe you get me drunk this easy, do you? Oh, you do. Silly Reindeer Games", Stark snickered.

"You _do_ seem pretty drunk to me", Loki commented and eyed his drink before hesitantly raising it to his lips.

"Heeeey, progress! Should I be cheering you on by now?", the millionaire mocked. He got pierced by an angry glare and watched amused as Loki made an attempt to drink his scotch all at once just to begin choking heavily.

"That's just... disgusting", he coughed and tried to ignore the burning the liquid had left in his throat. "How can you consume that for fun?!"

"You get used to it", Stark answered and took a wee sip, partly just to enrage Loki further. "It's not that bad, really, if you are not too", he stopped a moment and grinned, "soft for it." For a matter of seconds his attempt to provoke Loki seemed to work, but then the god regained his composure.

"That might work on Thor, but not on me, Stark", he stated with a faint smile and got up. Slowly he walked over to the window and looked over the city, hands folded behind his back. He seemed deep in thought. After a short while the millionaire followed and stood beside him, shooting a glare now and then.

It had become dark, the city laid silent but sparkling with small lights beyond them. The silence was not unpleasant this time and both of them hung after their very own thoughts.

"Looks peaceful, doesn't it?", Stark asked eventually with a hint of bitterness. Loki looked at him and shrugged, looking rather uncomfortable. That couldn't be a bad conscience, could it?

The idea was washed away when the god turned around abruptly and demanded: "What now?"

"I suggest you go to sleep since you look you didn't since... well, far too long", the other man answered and went ahead for the elevator. As its doors slid open, he turned around to see Loki still standing at the same spot as before, hands still behind him. "What's up? Did you freeze or something?"

"Why are you doing this?", the god asked suspiciously.

Stark shrugged. "Can't help it. I'm a philanthropist after all."

"Would you mind giving me an honest answer?", Loki sighed and approached him slowly. The millionaire dug his hands into his pockets.

"I don't have one", he said eventually. "Actually, it's absolutely stupid because I don't even like you and you almost killed me like... two months ago. But anything is better then being held captive by SHIELD, plus I doubt you are going to kill me now. 'Cause if you did, you'd prove yourself to be _really_ stupid."

For a few seconds they just looked at each other before Loki slowly entered the elevator in silence.

"JARVIS, the 84th floor", Stark ordered and suppressed a smile when he saw the god wince as JARVIS confirmed: "As you wish, Sir." The cabin began to move and he watched Loki shifting uncomfortable. It was amusing, although not really surprising, how modern technology could unsettle him – even more than the Captain who had got used to it with time going by.

Loki let out a breath when the doors finally opened up again and he was able to step out into a plain hallway. Stark pointed towards a door at the end of it and explained: "These are your rooms. You've got a place to sleep, a bathroom and... well, some kind of a living room with books and all this stuff. If you need anything, just call JARVIS for help. Questions?"

The god shook his head and mumbled: "Well then, good night."  
  
"Nighty, Reindeer Games."

Loki muttered something of which Stark could only pick up "painful", "death" and "window".

"Well, at least he is alright", he muttered to himself as the doors of the elevator shut close behind him again. “Bastard.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was kind of a filler chapter. Next one is coming tomorrow or even today, if I can finish it... And then you'll finally get to read something that actually has to do with insomnia. :D  
> However, see you then ^.^


	4. Sleep is overrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki doesn't want to go to sleep. Tony doesn't want to go to sleep. And in the end they come to... nothing? Great, really.

Refreshed, Tony stepped out of the shower and began to dry himself, lost in thought. He was not tired, no, he did not feel like sleeping at all. Well, maybe he did, but he would not sleep with Loki that near to him. He had had enough nightmares. A few minutes he just laid upon his bed and shifted positions until he could not bear it any more.

"JARVIS, has Loki gone to bed already?", he asked.

"He did, sir", the AI confirmed.

"At least he's asleep", he mumbled. That was a little bit of a guarantee he was not going to be murdered in the next few hours.

"No, he is not."

"What is he doing then?", Tony asked, confused.

"Nothing in particular", JARVIS answered.

"Show me", the millionaire demanded.

"As you wish", the AI replied and a screen appeared flickering above Tony's head. It showed Loki, sitting on his bed in full armour with the sheets mostly untouched, knees pulled up to his chest and the arms slung around them.

"Connect me", Stark demanded and listened to JARVIS' reply, then he ordered: "Loki, go to sleep."

The god jumped and looked around himself in confusion before he sighed and mumbled: "Really, Stark? You are _watching_ me?"

"I am not. I just appeared to learn you were not asleep yet, so..."

"There is no need to monitor me. It's not like I was running away or anything."

"Well, you look like you expect to be attacked at any second. Relax, there is nobody threatening you here."  
  
"That's what you think", Loki muttered under his breath. Probably Tony hadn't been supposed to hear it, but thanks to the _excellent_ monitoring – yes, it could be really useful – he caught every single word anyway.

"Want to tell me something?", he asked.

"It's nothing", the god replied tensely.

"Then sleep."

"Stop fooling around. I have no need to sleep, I am a go—aahhrgh." The last syllable was swallowed by a deep, long yawn. Growling, Loki wiped his eyes.

"Yeah, I totally get it. You are not tired at all", Stark mocked.

"Stop making fun of me", the god grumbled.

"Oh, I am not making fun of you. See, I acted exactly the same when I was... four or five years old or so. Nothing to be ashamed of", Tony continued. He deliberately ignored the fact that he, too, didn't sleep as much as he was supposed to. "Wait, I can tell JARVIS to pass you a teddy bear if you want so you..."

"Stark, would you shut up!", Loki groaned in annoyance and slumped down onto his back. "Fine, I am going to sleep, if it makes you stop babbling and getting on my nerves!"

"Good boy", Stark praised, chuckling.

"Say that again and I change my mind", Loki threatened, curling into a ball. "And stop watching me. It is creepy."

"As you wish, your royal Highness. Sweet dreams for the princess. JARVIS, disconnect."  
  
"Yes, Sir."

Without Loki being able to hear him, he added: "Oh, and tell me if he gets up again."

 

~*~

 

It was not like Loki was not tired. Actually, sleep was the most beautiful thing he could imagine right now. But while slumbering he was vulnerable – more so in this pitiful form he was in, stripped of his powers and unable to defend himself properly.

He had not forgotten the promise the Chitauri – _He_ – had made. Not at all. He just had not imagined his own fa– no, his _former_ family, he corrected himself – to give him away like that. Not that they knew anything, he never intended to tell them. But now he had to deal with the position he was in without being able to change it.

Loki hated being forced into things, no matter what it was about. Growling, he rose from the bed. He could not afford to sleep right now. It was like signing his own death sentence.

The death sentence he had agreed to, actually. He would have liked that far better than the situation now. He was no more than a stupid _human_ – he could hardly think of anything more disgusting and humiliating. It was pitiful. Really, the most fitting punishment Odin could have found.

Again, he walked over to a window and looked over the city that did not think of resting either, when...

"Loki, go the fuck to sleep."

Startled, he jumped and spun around as if there was someone to see although he knew the same second that it was the disembodied voice of Stark speaking to him.

"I told you to stop stalking me!", he snarled.

"And I told you to sleep!", the man countered.

"You didn't keep your promise, why should I?"

"I did. I just told JARVIS to watch over you if you decided to... well. To do what you are doing right now", Stark replied calmly.

"So where's the difference between you staring at me and this JARVIS?", Loki demanded.

He heard an exaggerated sigh from the millionaire before he cared to explain: "JARVIS is an AI, an artificial intelligence, which means he does not possess a body or feelings, he only exists for the purpose of serving me in every possible way. I told him to inform me in case that you decide to stay awake, and so he did."

"I don't see where this is an excuse", the god muttered.

"It isn't. It's an explanation. I gave mine, now you own me one."

"I just don't want to sleep and I do not see the reason why I should explain this to you", Loki hissed.

"Hm. Maybe my hand slips and I press that button that insta-calls SHIELD. What a terrible accident that would be", Stark murmured.

"You are playing dirty, Mr Stark", Loki remarked.

"You ought be familiar with that", came the immediate answer.

"I... yes, I am. Actually more than anyone else", the god stated.

"Don't be so full of yourself. There is always somebody better than you."

"Certainly not you."

"Are you sure about that?", Stark demanded, obviously enjoying his little game.

"Pretty, yes. Anything else?"

"To your left is a wardrobe, you should find something more comfortable than this domina-leather-stuff you're currently wearing. I will not disturb you any further, I promise, and neither will JARVIS. Good night."

"Good night", Loki muttered and reached for the cabinet.

 

~*~

 

Tony stood up from his bed and went to the elevator. Ha, the button that called SHIELD... Damned be the day he would ever install something like that in his tower. But it had worked.

“JARVIS, basement”, he mumbled.

“Sir, I would recommend that you go to sleep.”

“I don't see the point in that”, the millionaire answered.

“Considering that you have not slept in the past 48 hours it seems reasonable though”, the AI said.

“Do you honestly expect me to sleep with that guy in my tower?”, Stark asked with a cheerless laugh while entering his laboratory.

“Then why did you take him in?”

“Don't question me, JARVIS.”

“I would not dare.”

Tony sat down at one of the tables and suppressed a yawn. Trying to focus, he stared at the holographic screens in front of him and slowly repeated: “Yeah. Why did I take him in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I could show a little bit of both's thoughts - Loki being afraid of sleeping because he is vulnerable and Tony being afraid of sleeping because of Loki. What a couple xD Yeah, I was nice and let Loki sleep in the end. Tony doesn't, though. He's so stubborn... Well, it had to be this way, I guess. And he begins to question his decision to take Loki in - he will do even more in the next chapter >:)
> 
> However, good night to you all ^.^


	5. Arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony doesn't really get along with Loki, as to be expected.

Loki slept until 2pm, meaning about 16 hours. After he got dressed, JARVIS led him into the kitchen where he started to chew on an apple that had been situated in a fruit bowl on the table.

"Good morning, sweet princess", Tony greeted from the door and Loki spun around.

"Kiss my ass", he mumbled as he recognized him and took another bite.

"Oh, I see. You are one of these morning persons, aren't you? Those who wake up and are happy, motivated and hug the new day with..."

"Cut it out, Stark", Loki growled. Tony however couldn't help the grin on his lips when he saw the god sitting at his kitchen table, nibbling an apple with black raven hair still tousled from the sleep which still lingered in his eyes.

"I get it. Want a coffee?", he asked walking over to the counter. He did not get an answer and turned to look at Loki who stared at him in confusion. "What's the matter? No, wait. You do not mean to tell me you don't have coffee in Asgard, do you?" The god shook his head slowly and Tony gasped in disbelief: "How the hell do you survive that long?!" His guest just kept glaring at him, so he sighed and announced: "We've got some education to do. Be prepared."

"Does education mean I will be laying in a corner after this with a headache and puking on everything that gets too close? Because if it does, I do not want to", Loki stated.

"You... _what_?", Stark asked, blinking.

"The last time Thor told me we had _education to do_ and it was about drinks I ended up with a hangover, a laceration at my temple and lots of people hating me plus I couldn't even recall why", the god explained casually and took another bite of his apple. His gaze became rather annoyed as he heard Tony laugh at the idea of a hungover Loki.

"No, this is only going to help you wake up", he finally managed and, after a minute, set down a cup of hot coffee in front of his sleepy guest who only glared at it suspiciously.

"Oh, come on. What is it this time?", Stark sighed after another minute.

"This could be poisoned", the god muttered.

"Really, Loki? _Really_? Listen, if I wanted to kill you, I could have done it while you were practising for your role as the Sleeping Beauty instead of making the effort to poison the damn _coffee_!", Tony groaned.

"I am the god of lies, that includes that I tend to see them everywhere. It's just a strategy to survive."

"Oh, c'mon. Not everybody on this planet is planning to murder you", the millionaire sighed and started to cut a salami in tiny pieces, having his back turned to the table his guest sat on.

"Why should I trust _you_ out of everybody?", Loki countered.

"Why can't you just _try_ to?", Tony suggested slightly annoyed.

"Why should I?", the god shot back.

"Because, if you didn't notice, I am basically protecting you from those I am allied with. Maybe you should grant me a little more of your trust!", Stark growled.

"Or maybe you should grant me a little less", Loki whispered right into his ear and made the millionaire spin around in shock.

"When did you... fuck, Loki! You _scared_ me!", he cursed, gasping.

"That was my intention."

"You... just... just stop fooling around, it's not funny."

"It isn't? Well, I think it is. Actually, I find it rather amusing", the god of mischief stated with an insane grin spreading over his face while he shifted even closer. Stark fought back the urge to flee and pushed the other away.

"Well, you've had your fun, now drink this coffee and..."

"I won't."

"Oh, you will. Get away." Tony tried to control his breath and ignore the images in his head. _No panic attack_ , he reminded himself. _Not here, not now. Just... no_.  
  
"Force me."  
  
"This is ridiculous." His voice sounded stable... somehow. No, not really. But better than he had expected.  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"You're the worst, annoying person I've ever had the misfortune to meet."

"What about the Blonde?" Loki asked.

"Thor?!"

"No, this girly little..."

"We are not mentioning Pepper", Tony interrupted automatically.

"Aren't we? Oh, do I smell a tragedy here?", the god teased, taking his chance.

"Shut up", the millionaire snapped. His fist clenched around the knife he still was holding.

"What if I do not?"

"Better not ask or you might find out."  
  
"I could swear you are turning a little green here, Mr Stark", Loki provoked further.

"Again: _shut_ _up_!", Tony repeated, obviously agitated. Maybe it was good that he made him angry. It drove away the fear.

"Oh, I see. You tell me to trust you, but aren't able to open up enough for your girlfriend to keep her close", the god grinned. Well, no. This was definitely _not_ good.

"Loki, I am going to..."

"A playboy, that's how you call it, don't you? Cannot stand the women for more than one ni-"

" _Shut_ the _fuck_ up, you goddamn _bastard_!", Stark shouted and threw a well-aimed punch at Loki's jaw. The trickster was caught by surprise and did not find his balance fast enough so he fell backwards and had his head connecting with the ground with an audible thud.

He moaned and muttered a curse under his breath, meaning to get up, when he felt Stark's weight upon him. Confused he opened his eyes to see the man kneeling on top of him, the knife still in his trembling hand and raised above his head.

"Wow, you're overdoing things here", the god soothed and raised his hands in defeat. "It's alright, I won't let a word slip about your sweet, oh-so-lovely..."

"Loki!", the millionaire hissed.

"Whoops. Seems like I can't help it. My bad", the trickster shrugged, grinning.

"I am... going to... stab you." The engineer was panting heavily. _It's only the anger_ , he told himself, _only the anger. I'm not scared._

"You do not sound healthy. Should I get the doctor? Wait, no... Then we'd really have problems about people turning all green and-" The millionaire attempted to ram his knife between the god's ribs.

"Stark, stop it!", Loki gasped. Uh, suddenly he didn't look that smug any more.

"Why should I?", Tony hissed in reply. Suddenly there was a lost, dark nuance in the eyes of the god, the mischief and the grin was gone.

"Because you are doing it wrong. I am really not in the mood to bleed out slowly so", the god grabbed Stark's wrist and directed the blade at a point slightly further above, "if you want to stab me, do it right."

"You... you are insane", the millionaire mumbled, his hands trembling in a mixture of rage and... something else. "Why are you doing this? You are supposed to to defend yourself, toss me out a window or something! Why are you so... so... apathetic?"

"Because I think this is better than the options I have", Loki answered faintly, staring at the ceiling. "So, are you going to use that knife now or should I take another nap until you decide? Because my legs are going numb."

For something that could have been a minute or just a few seconds, Stark remained silent, then he slowly got to his feet and turned his back towards the god to continue his work on the salami as if nothing had happened.

"See? This is where education goes", Loki mumbled. "I've got a headache, feel nauseous and there are people hating me for no apparent reason."

"I recommend you not to push this any further or I might rethink my decision not to stab you. Besides, you did not take a wee sip of your damn coffee", the millionaire replied.

"I get it, we are not mentioning Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." Tony turned around in confusion.

"Did you watch Harry Potter?", he asked.

"Harry what?"

"Never mind. Wanna have... would be a lie to call it breakfast, so... lunch?", Stark suggested.

"I guess you're not going to kill me right now, so... why not", the god sighed.

"Good boy. So do you..." Tony was interrupted by the sound of an explosion somewhere inside the building. "What the bloody hell was that?!", he blurted out, but didn't get an answer. "Would you mind to explain what's going on here, Reindeer Games?" Still, Loki didn't reply. Instead he just stared at the wall with wide eyes, his face pale and his hands shivering. "Loki? Hey, Rudolph, do you even _hear_ me?! Wow, your helping mind blows your head." the millionaire groaned sarcastically. "JARVIS! What's this all about?"

"It seems, sir, that the intruders are the so-called Chitauri", the AI replied and Loki winced. "Although compared to the other data available to me they appear to be faster and also acting more strategic than those who attacked New York lately."

"Well, that's just great", the millionaire growled and turned to face the God, grabbing him by his collar and pulling him upright. "Do you feel like explaining this about _right now_? I thought you were not in charge of your powers!"  
  
"I am not", he whispered. "They do not obey me. They are here for their own reasons."  
  
"What does that mean? There's no time for your god damn games, Loki!"

"Remember me talking about options? This is one of them", the trickster said. Tony froze.

"The one you didn't like?"

"The one I didn't like at all", Loki confirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. That's it. Finally, something is happening! Although... Loki doesn't like it, but he is not supposed to anyway. And don't say this is a mean cliffhanger because the next one is gonna be worse. ;)


	6. Assault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are... bad things happening. Chitauri and stuff, you know. So... enjoy.

Tony left Loki in the kitchen and ran towards the elevator.

"JARVIS, the roof!", he commanded.

"As you wish, Sir", the AI replied.

"Where are they currently?", Stark demanded.

"The explosion took place at the 86th floor and damaged..."

"I don't even want to hear that."  
  
"...the 85th, 87th and 88th level, too", JARVIS continued nonetheless.

"If that's not an awesome Sunday morning", the millionaire growled and stepped though the opening doors of the elevator in order to access the platform where he would be able to get into his suit.

It took less than twenty seconds for him to be fully armoured and jump of the roof to get back to the floor where he had attempted to take breakfast (or lunch) with Loki, when he decided to fly to the damaged storeys right away.

"Tell Loki to hide somewhere. Guide him if necessary", he ordered and leaned into a curve to circle the building.

 

~*~

 

Loki was standing inside of the kitchen since Stark had left, unable to move (and even if he could, he wouldn't know where to go). He had grabbed the knife the millionaire had dropped and held it in front of his body defensively. After the explosion it had become awfully silent and he kept imagining footsteps from all directions.

"Mr Laufeyson, I would recommend that you search for cover." The god jumped when he heard the voice of JARVIS without being able to locate its source. "If you pass the door to your left you will find an elevator which will bring you right to the basement."

Taking a deep breath he nodded and began to move towards the direction JARVIS had advised. On his way, he kept clinging to the knife as if it was the only hope he had left. Actually, it kind of was, indeed. Without any magical powers to defend himself...

Loki had not forgotten about the promise the Other had made. Not at all. It was present in his mind all the time since he had been sent to earth – vulnerable, defenceless, like a lamb prepared for slaughter.

Not that the judgement was spoken to harm him. The god was even sure that Odin would have decided in another way if he had known about the Other. The point was just... he didn't know. Even if not gagged during the whole trial, Loki would not even have considered telling his father.

Loki regretted his decision by now. He really did.

The _pling_ with which the elevator's doors slid open startled him out of his thoughts and he stepped out of the cabin looking around cautiously. It was dead silent, he was surrounded by white walls and there were not even windows he could use to watch the fight that was surely going on by now.

"JARVIS, how is Stark doing?", he asked.

"Besides that he is wondering, and I quote, 'why the bloody hell these fucking reptiles are abusing my god forsaken tower', he seems to get along quite well", the AI explained and Loki let out a stressed chuckle.

"If he still has enough breath to swear it cannot be that bad", he stated.

"Actually Mr Stark never seems to lack breath for that", JARVIS said and the god wondered if the computer might possess a sense of humour somewhere.

"So I guess all I can do now is... wait. Well, that's going to be exciting", he sighed. He had never been as militant as his elder bro- as Thor, but yet he did enjoy a good fight now and then. After all, he had been raised by Asgardians. But searching combat without real possibilities to defend oneself? That was nothing but suicide.

Lost in thought, he leaned against a wall. The room he was in appeared to be developed as a bunker because it was plain and besides a few chairs, a table and a bookshelf there was no furniture at all. At least Stark seemed to be prepared for any kind of incident and it just proved to be a good idea.

Slowly, the god wandered towards the regal and chose a random book. If he couldn't be of use, he should at least have a good time waiting, shouldn't he?

Unfortunately, there were others who did not share this opinion, as he should get to know after just about three pages of the book.

"Mr Laufeyson, I fear there are some of the Chitauri heading towards the basement", JARVIS' electronic voice told him.

With a mumttered curse Loki got up and tightened his grasp onto the knife. He was skilled at the handling of blades. He would be able to stand up against some... Hold on a second.

"JARVIS?", he asked nervously.

"Yes, Mr Laufeyson?"

"What exactly is you definition of... _some_ Chitauri?"

"Altogether there are eight of them approaching this direction. They are taking the stairways and they appear to know exactly where you are."

"Oh, isn't that just wonderful?", the god muttered under his breath. "If they are taking the stairs, it is possible for me to use the elevator without... company?"  
  
"It is."

"Then do me a favour and transport me to the... level, you call it?... with the smallest amount of Chitauri in it, will you?" He stepped into the elevator while JARVIS confirmed. He might not get away by running, but if he played on time – and did it right – he could be able to lead them to Stark so he could finish them off. Meaning, _if_ he could. But that was the factor he had no choice but to bet on.

"Mr Laufeyson, I am afraid that you are in trouble", the AI suddenly said.

"Thanks for stating the obvious. What is it?", Loki asked. The same second, there was a shiver running through the cabin and the god heard a faint rumble when it stopped moving. "Oh, I really, really didn't like that sound just now. What was that?"

"The Chitauri are currently busy with cutting the ropes of the elevator", JARVIS explained calmly. "You should leave the cabin by using the door above you."

"For Odin's sake, I'm on Midgard for not even twenty-four hours and now _this_ is happening", Loki growled.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Nevermind", he mumbled, clutching the knife between his teeth and reaching out for the gap of the opening JARVIS had created by moving part of the cabin's ceiling to the side. The god pulled himself up until he sat on top of the metal box and looked up to see... well, not exactly to see anything since there was nothing but darkness.

"What now?"

"I shall turn on the emergency lights."

"Wait, if the Chitauri are up there I don't know if it's that good of an", he began when the hoist way got flooded by cold, white light, "...idea. Oh damn." Loki glared up just to see a whole bunch of reptiles staring back at him. "Well hello there", he mumbled and grabbed the knife tighter.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, guys, I am living on comments. Say something D:


	7. Abduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is pissed and Loki has a problem.

"Why... the fuck... won't you just... die?", Tony hissed, punctuating every word with a repulsor blast towards the attacking Chitauri. He wiped another one from existence with the small guns installed on his shoulders and turned around. "Who's next?" A few seconds he stood there until he realized he was alone. "Oh. Nice." Sighing he relaxed, but frowned again when he mumbled: "I might have... forgotten something. JARVIS, where is Loki?"

"Mr Laufeyson is currently attempting to climb out of the elevator shaft", the AI reported.

"The hell?! Why?", the millionaire exclaimed.

"Because he is being followed by a group of Chitauri", JARVIS explained.

"Where is he?"

“The elevator stopped at the 43th floor.”

With a boost of his repulsors Tony jumped out of the window which was broken anyway (“This tower gets destroyed far too often if you ask me – although unfortunately no one seems to be taking the _time_ to ask me”) and let himself fall down head-first. His surroundings rushed by in a grey swirl and he pushed away the images of himself falling out of a window, helpless and hoping for JARVIS to be fast enough to save him because otherwise...

He shook his head. No, this was definitely not the time for a panic attack. He had better things to do right now. Like saving Loki's sorry ass – he was going to pay for this, that much was sure. Every time this guy showed up, he had to repair his tower.

Just in time Tony started the repulsors again and ordered: “JARVIS, open the windows of the 43th level. All of them.”

“Of course, Sir”, the AI replied and Iron Man couldn't fight a small smile of pride curling his lips as the whole front parts made of glass just disappeared into the building's walls before he flew in.

After that, no efforts were needed to find the Chitauri. Actually, he knocked two of them off their feet by flying into them. Tony scanned the situation quickly just to find out he didn't like it at all.

Loki was leaning to a wall, panting heavily. He had managed to take down three of the reptiles with a _kitchen knife_ – Tony made a mental note to not leave any sort of blade unguarded in the god's presence – but despite that, he looked horrible. Strands of black hair were hanging in his face and his pale skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat; the hand clinging onto the knife was shaking, the other one clutching his side seemed cramped.

“Hi there”, Tony greeted while casually blowing the head of one reptile of. The expression of relief on the god's features actually made him smile. “Did you miss me?”

“I might think about that if you make _those_ go missing”, Loki retorted with a small grin, pointing at his opponents.

“As you wish”, Tony said and dodged a Chitauri that was pouncing on him to fire a blast at it. In that same moment, one of them clung to his back and almost made him topple over backwards, but he steadied himself smashing his backside against a wall and causing a strange noise – he took it as an expression of pain – from the reptile. Since he wore his suit it couldn't really harm him, but its weight on his back made his movements laboured and sluggish and he couldn't get the _damn_ thing off...

Suddenly the burden was taken off his shoulders and he turned around to look at Loki who had his knife held high and allowed the slightest hint of a smug grin on his face as he stated: “Four down, four to go.”

“Thanks.” Stark didn't think before speaking and actually, it didn't really bother him either. He remembered Thor talking about him and Loki fighting together and could imagine pretty well having him his back. If it just weren't for the fear of being stabbed from behind, but that was probably another story.

With fast, fluent movements he took out his enemies one by one. Although he had to admit they were faster and their attacks were better calculated than those of the Chitauri who had come in large masses to invade the earth. It seemed these ones were by far stronger and therefore apparently more precious to their... owners? Rulers?

“Stark!”

Startled, he jerked around, letting go of one of the reptiles. He had got caught up in the routine of battle so much he had forgotten to look after Loki which was apparently a mistake. The god had, at some point, lost his knife and was being held in a firm grip by one of the Chitauri.

The look in hiss eyes could not be named anything else than panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it for today... Yeah, maybe I made it a little melodramatic at the end. But... Deal with it. I wanted to.
> 
> School starts tomorrow so I won't update that frequently, but I promise to do at least once a week (most likely at the weekends). Don't punch me ^.^"


	8. Abduction (part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's problem becomes a big problem. He does not like it.

“Could you tell me exactly why you had to turn on the lights, JARVIS?”, Loki asked slowly while he got to his feet on the cabin of the elevator he had climbed out just moments ago. He did not loose eye contact with the Chitauri above for one second.

“I assumed you would not be able to see without them”, the AI replied and – did it just sound offended?

Loki decided not to answer to that, but instead looked around, trying to take his surroundings in. The reptiles had stopped their efforts to cut the rope which was apparently holding the cabin when they had spotted him. He seemed to be only one floor below them and would be really, _really_ optimistic if he would be thinking they might not just jump down to get him. Why had Stark let them get away?!

“JARVIS, I would be pleased if you would have the kindness to tell me how I am supposed to get the hell _out_ of here”, he said trying to keep his voice calm. He would not be panicking, not here, not now.

As an answer, right beside him a door slid open and gave way to a hallway that looked pretty much like any other one in the whole building, except for the fact maybe that it was mostly made of glass offering a great view to the city. Not that he would have the time to take it in.

Instead, Loki stormed out into the corridor and turned left, running as fast as he hadn't done in a quite long time. Behind him, he heard a dull impact with a hollow sound to it when the Chitauri let themselves fall down on the cabin to get after to him. Once, twice... There were eight of them and it was shocking that they seemed to know exactly where he was, seemingly because of a locator spell.

Sometimes Loki hated magic. Especially when he was not able to use it himself. Well, probably _only_ if he could not use it himself.

He followed the twist of the hallway but then came to a sudden stop. Running was of no use since this kind of Chitauri seemed to be far more agile than those the Other had provided him to attack Midgard. That dirty bastard had kept his best soldiers to himself.

Anyway it was better to face them now when he was composed and not out of his breath than being caught somewhere when his guard was down because he couldn't keep going. Plus he was formidable at the use of a knife – he should be able to handle some reptile beasts then, shouldn't he?

With a provocative grin (which was mostly a façade to calm himself, even if he would not admit this) he turned around and raised the knife. The Chitauri who had the misfortune of attacking him first ended on the ground with its claws clutched over its throat. Luckily at least their vital points were similar to those of humans.

Loki dodged the next one and rammed the knife into the back of its neck, then turned to face two of the reptiles at once. He ducked away under the sword of the first one but then stumbled backwards as he almost got stabbed by the spear of the second. If he had more weapons it would be easy to take them down, but now he only he had this one blade and throwing it was not the best of ideas, really. Somehow he had to get close without being pierced.

“You see, I am always up to a challenge, but don't you think this is a little unfair?”, he muttered without really addressing his enemies. To his surprise he got an answer.

“Surrender without struggling further and no harm will be done”, one of the Chitauri announced in its strange language. Loki let out a bitter laugh.

“Sure”, he commented in the same tongue. “No harm, of course. I did not forget the promise made by your leader and I am quite sure I do not trust you enough to just play the good boy now and follow you to your disgusting little planet.”

“Put down the dagger”, the reptile snarled.

“This?” Loki looked at the knife in his hands. “Oh, I sure will.” With one step he was in front of the Chitauri and slid the blade into its stomach (at least he hoped it was something like that). “There you go.”

Unfortunately, the injury not seem to bother the reptile much as it raised its spear. Just in time the god managed to get the knife out and jump back to avoid being stabbed (again...) when he felt the cold wall against his back. He did not even get the time to swear as a blade dug itself into the wall where his head had been just seconds ago. Loki used the movement of dodging to approach one of the Chitauri and almost decapitate it.

In that same moment, the windows began to retreat into the walls and let a cold breeze in. Taking a deep breath, the god looked up to see Iron Man racing in, accidentally (or maybe not) bumping into two of the soldiers before he hit the ground.

“Hi there”, he greeted with the metallic voice the mask gave him while raising his hand and revealing an energy blow which completely burned the head of the Chitauri Loki had injured before. “Did you miss me?”

The god tried to sound not too exhausted as he replied: “I might think about that if you make _those_ go missing” and tried a small smile.

“As you wish.” Within seconds, Stark was completely occupied with fighting the reptiles who had gathered themselves and seemed not to be willingly to be taken down as easy as their surprised comrades.

One of them hefted itself onto his back and tried to stab him through the armour. Although it was not really able to harm him, it slowed down his movements and made him stumble more than once.

Loki watched them for about a minute before he sneaked in from behind and opened the throat of the Chitauri with one clean cut. Iron Man turned around in surprise and glared at him for a second with his glowing white eyes, then he gave a short “Thanks”.

“Four down, four to go”, Loki just said and stepped back to let him focus on his task again. Suddenly he noticed there was something wrong.

Stark was fighting three – oh, correction. Now _two_ – Chitauri where had been four just a second ago. They were not able to teleport, were they? Also, the missing one could not have fled without someone noticing, meaning it still had to be around the –

Loki gasped he was abruptly hit at the shoulder from behind, letting the knife go so it fell to the ground. Claws clenched around his arm, others holding him firm at his waist as he was dragged backwards.

“Stark!”, he exclaimed. His heart was racing at an abnormal speed and he felt the panic numb his limps. Iron Man let go of the Chitauri he had currently been fighting and turned around. Loki stared at him with wide eyes as if only his gaze was enough to hold him in this world as he stumbled into the portal that had been opened behind him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go :D  
> I might be just a little mean - naaw, what am I saying, it's gonna be worse in the next chapters, so... enjoy this as long as you can ;)
> 
> Also, first chapter in the new year! Yay! ...I hereby set my goal to finish this story within 2015.


	9. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tries to find out about Loki's whereabouts, but... well, you wouldn't call the result a sucess.  
> Here, have a frustrated Tony.

Stark's breath hitched as he watched the Chitauri dragging Loki into... nothing. He raised a hand and stepped forward, but where had been a small portal just moments ago was now nothing but thin air.

Without even paying them his full attention he took out the last two of the reptiles (although he had thought about capturing one of them, but dismissed the idea immediately because they were controlled by their mother ship so they would not give away any information and even if they did, he wouldn't understand them) and stared into empty space after that, pulling off his mask.

“JARVIS”, he said eventually, “can you gather any information about the place Loki just vanished to, or the way the portal leads?”

“According to what can be seen on the footage, Sir, the portal led to a wasteland which is probably located on another planet since it cannot be compared to any place on earth known to my data”, the AI answered. “I doubt that I will be able to trace the portal to its origin.”

“Try anyway”, Tony mumbled, then jumped out of the window to return to the landing pod where he would get rid of his armour. “Clean the mess here. And close the windows, will you?”

Lost in thought he walked over to his bar and poured some liquid into a glass without even really noticing what it was, only to find that the thought of drinking disgusted him.

So he decided to do the only other thing that could distract him right now: He went down to the workshop he had set up in Stark Tower, similar to the one in his private mansion. With fast movements he cleared one of the tables and said: “JARVIS, create a new folder. Name it... um... Portals.”

“Not the most creative name you ever came up with, Sir”, the AI commented while following his order.

“Stop criticising me, JARVIS. Put every footage of Loki taken in the last 24 hours into the folder, as well as the readings from the place he disappeared from and everything else out of the regular that happened around him.”

“Will do, Sir.”

“Fine. So...”

 ~*~

It was five hours later that Tony surrendered.

He had tried everything, literally everything, _including_ intensive researches at the Chitauri's corpses and comparing his new data to that of the invasion of New York months ago which was just _disgusting._

Nothing. He got nothing.

Frustrated he watched the footage of Loki being captured and abducted for the hundredth time without spotting anything new.

“Why do I even care?”, he muttered to himself. “I don't even like that guy. Well, maybe it's because I'm afraid of Thor's wrath. Not that he would have a reason to accuse me though. I mean, I at least tried and didn't shoot Loki right away.” The millionaire sighed. “I would have had my reasons. The few minutes he hasn't played Sleeping Beauty he was a total asshole who could not keep his mouth shut and instead decided to make himself a psychologist who thinks he can tell me where my problems with relationships are. There is really no reason for me to worry about him. He's gonna be just fine.”

But Tony knew he was not. Loki had no chance of resistance stripped of weapons and magic-

“Magic!”, he exclaimed. Of course! “JARVIS, show me the footage of Loki sleeping.” A holographic screen appeared in front of him, showing a motionless, exhausted God. “A moment back.” Now Loki was just settling himself on the sheets. “Back.” Loki coming out of the bathroom. “Back. Yeah, right there.”

“You could have told me you just want to see him undress”, JARVIS stated and-

“Are you mocking me, JARVIS?”, Tony asked.

“I would never, Sir”, the AI replied.

“Stop mocking me. I'm serious.”

“Of course, Sir.”

“Did I program you to be sarcastic?”

“You might have.”

“Damn. Whatsoever, stop... right there.” The screen now showed Loki who just got rid of his leather armour and stood in front of the wardrobe just with the tight, black pants on, one of his arms stretched out to reach for the door. Oh god, his arms.

“JARVIS, zoom in”, Tony ordered. “Focus on his arms. Take every image available to you that's necessary to create a full picture with all the signs on his arms on it.”

“Will do, Sir.” While JARVIS calculated, Tony took a closer look on the runes. A shudder ran down his spine as he looked at the blood that stained the pale skin, partly dried, but at some spots fresh where the leather had rubbed them open again. Somehow he felt like punching some Asgardians rather hard for doing this to one of their people, even if considered as war criminal, and sending him to a place where he only had enemies who were most likely going to kill him on first sight.

“Sir, I am done”, JARVIS told him and at the same time the screen grew bigger and started to display the runes foreign to him.

“Do the resemble any language spoken or written on earth?”, Tony asked without really believing in it.

“No, Sir.” As he thought.

“Scan it on regularities, structures or anything else that might help to decipher it”, he said and got up from the chair. “I'm gonna have a drink now.”

 

~*~

 

Almost a week had passed since Loki had disappeared.

“Are you kidding me?! It's impossible that there is no structure in this god forsaken language at all!”, Tony exclaimed. His mood had not gotten better in the past few hours, more like the opposite.

“There is no pattern I can recognize”, JARVIS repeated.

“For Christ's sake, I hate magic”, the millionaire growled.

After he had explained to Fury that two of his suits had gone rampage (he was still surprised that he had actually bought the story, but apparently he thought of Tony as the troublemaker of the group anyway) he focused on his scotch since at least he wouldn't leave him. Or be captured by some aliens.

He took another sip out of his bottle and tried to ignore the spinning all around him, He had certainly been drinking too much, but it was not like that was anything new to him. Now that not even Pepper was here any more to be mad at him, there was no reason to hold back.

Obviously, there were people thinking different.

“Sir, there are strange readings at the roof of the-”, JARVIS begun, but was cut off by a bright lightning and the following thunder.

“Oh, great. You wanna get drunk and be alone and then, that is happening”, Tony growled. “Is it what I think it is, JARVIS? Because if it is, open the door before Thor smashes it, please.”

“Already done, Sir.”

“Fine. Hi there, Point Break.”

“Man of iron!” Thor stormed into the room with Mjölnir in his hand. “Where is my...”

“First of all: Stark, or Tony, but not _Man of iron_. I honestly can't stand this”, Tony interrupted. “Second: I have no idea where Loki is.”

“Anthony be it then”, Thor said.

“I didn't even offer that! Fine, however. Do you want to tell me you don't know about Loki's whereabouts either?”, Tony asked. The god of thunder came across the room and slumped onto one of the bar stools beside him before answering.

“Nay, there is no way I could have found out about my brother's place of being. I had hoped that you, friend Anthony, had maybe found a clue.”

“Wait. Didn't you have that I-can-see-everything-in-the-universe-guy? Homer or something?”, Tony asked confused. The thunderer's brows furrowed in confusion.

“Are you referring to Heimdall? Because he is not able to locate Loki for some reason unknown to us. It seems like the Chitauri keep him in a place hidden from his eyes.”

“Well isn't that just fucking great?”, Stark growled. “So, what now?”

An unpleasant silence settled between them, only interrupted by the sound of Tony's bottle now and then until Thor eventually admitted: “I do not know.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, managed a chapter! It's sort of a filler, but I promise we'll get down to business soon... Got the whole story planned, I only need to write it down now :)  
> Feel free to point out mistakes, especially when Thor's speaking (he'll do do more in the next chapters...probably) because he gives my a headache every time I want to write him. Ngh.
> 
> Anyway, have a good week! :)


	10. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...Surprise. Tony is not happy.

“Sir, I doubt this will be of use for your project.”

“Shut up, JARVIS”, Tony muttered. His mood was... not to be called good.

“You are going over the same readings for the tenth time now, Sir. There is nothing new to be found.”

“There _has_ to be something”, he contradicted. “Everything can be explained. Everything.” There had to be a solution.

“I am afraid the Asgardian technology...”

“Hah, technology. Stupid magical bastards”, Tony murmured.

“...is not to be explained in our ways, Sir.”

“I wouldn't be Tony Stark if I didn't try.”

“You have been trying for a week now and did not manage to find any results, Sir.”

 _Oh, wouldn't have noticed_ , Tony thought. Sometimes he hated running a company. The week had been terrible, he had been searching for a way to follow the portal's path and left most of the work for Pepper who was still the CEO of Stark Industries, but not really pleased by his actions. Not that he had told her about Loki, she was thinking he locked himself in his lab again to live his genius. Oh, and to make that worse, Thor had decided to stay with him until he found out what had happened to his brother.

“There is no way I am giving up, JARVIS. I really don't want Goldilocks to abuse me as compensation for his ...” Suddenly the lights in the room went red. “Oh, for Christ's sake! JARVIS, what the hell is that?”

“Sir, it appears there are unauthorized persons in the entrance hall”, the AI reported.

“Persons? JARVIS, define _persons_.” In the seconds it took Tony to say this, the alarm stopped and everything was back to normal as if nothing had happened. “What was that just now?”

“A portal opened in the entrance and spilled out several Chitauri, but they seem to have vanished again.”

“That's all?”, Stark demanded, confused. That didn't really add up.

“They left something.”

“Something? JARVIS, have you always been this imprecise?”, the millionaire groaned.

“They left Loki.” For a moment, Tony just stared into nothing. What the hell was happening here?

“Where is he going?”, he asked.

“He is not going anywhere.”

“...Why?”

“It appears he is not able to move, Sir.”

“Not able... Camera, JARVIS.” A screen appeared, showing the entrance which was empty since it was 3am. All that could be seen were the clean, grey walls and the polished floor – and, in the middle of the room, a bundle of black clothes and hair, shivering and curled up to a ball. “Fuck”, Tony muttered under his breath. “Fuck!”

Hastily he got off his chair and ran towards the elevator while ordering: “Wake Thor up. Bring him to the basement. Prepare the infirmary. Are there any possible threats at the moment?”

“None, Sir.”

Restless Tony walked up and down in the cabin, listening to the faint whir of the elevator until it finally opened with a _pling_. He stormed out into the hall, heading towards the person on the floor and kneeling down.

“Loki? Can you hear me? Loki, why are you here? Where are... ah, screw that.” Seeing that the god (who did not look godly at all just now) would not respond, Tony grabbed his shoulder and turned him over so he laid on his back. 

The picture made his breath hitch.

Loki's black hair was straggly and his face stained with dried blood. His eyes were squeeze shut and one hand was clenched over his chest as if his shallow breathing would cause pain, and worst of all were his lips. It was almost not visible in the mess of fresh and old blood, but they were sewn shut with broad, uneven stitches and it looked like the seam had been renewed several times.

“JARVIS, how are his readings?”, Tony asked, struggling to keep his voice stable.

“He is alive, Sir, but I am afraid it will not stay this way if there is no medical treatment in the near term”, the AI said. In that same moment, the elevator opened again and let out a very upset Thor.

“Well, if that can't get any worse”, Tony muttered.

 

~*~

 

“Is he going to wake up?”

“It won't make anything better if you ask me a hundred times more, so I'll say it again: I _don't_ know!”, Tony groaned. “Besides, maybe it's better if he doesn't.”

“Better?! How can it possibly...”, Thor began but was cut off by Tony who was currently busy with positioning cables on Loki's temples.

“Just _look_ at him. As long as he's still asleep, we might be able to treat the worst damage without him noticing. Like that... _seam_. I don't think that's something you wanna be awake for.” Silently the millionaire watched Loki's sleeping form. “You know what unsettles me?”, he asked.

“There are a lot of unsettling things going on”, Thor replied. 

“Yeah. But I mean – look at him. He disappeared almost a week ago and now he's here and... look at him, just _look_!”, Tony repeated. “All of this”, he made a gesture over the god laying on the white sheets of the bed, “can't have happened in a span of six days. Never.”

“You are right with your assumption”, Thor agreed. “Shall we undo the stitches?”

“Hell, no. There is no way I am going to do that”, Stark said and raised his hands as the god of thunder opened his mouth to say something. “No, no. Let me make a call. Watch your lil' brother here. I'll be right back.”

Before Thor could respond in any way, he left the room and shut the door behind him. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He was not going to like what he had to do now. Still, it was necessary if he didn't want to get killed by Goldilocks for not trying his best.

He dialled a number, started the call and waited for someone to pick it up. Five seconds. Ten. Then...

“Tony? Is that you?”, a sleepy voice mumbled.

“Yeah. Hi, Bruce. I... kinda need your help right now.”

“Tony, it is”, short pause and then a groan, “three fifteen in the morning. Not everyone's sleeping pattern is as impossible as yours. What's important enough to wake someone now?”

“Loki”, Tony answered. Sometimes short answers were the best ones, especially while dealing with tired people.

“Lo... What? Wait, did he do something? Are you okay over there?!”

“Well, now that you're awake: He didn't do anything besides letting himself get captured by … I don't really know. Anyway, he's pretty beaten up and I think Thor is going to murder someone if we don't help him”, the millionaire explained.

“Why should I help him, exactly?”

“Please, just do it for me. I'll explain everything later.”

“...You know, sometimes I hate this job. I'm with you in half an hour.”

 

~*~

 

At the time Banner arrived, Loki had begun to shift from side to side and whimpered in his sleep.

“You're finally here”, Tony greeted. “Thank god. I don't think I can stand the puppy-dog-eyes of the big guy any longer.”

“You better have some damn good excuses for this. Where's Loki?”, the doctor asked.

“Over there. I brought him to the medical station.” Stark led him to the infirmary while they were talking.  
  
“Why exactly are we helping him?”, Banner demanded.

“Because... um, I think I'll have to explain quite a few things”, Tony sighed. “Could you promise not to tell the others? Especially those who have to do with SHIELD.”

“So... basically everybody”, Banner stated.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I think about that later.” He flung open the door. “So where's – holy shit. What happened to him?!”, he hissed and walked over to the hospital bed without waiting for an answer. “Tony, you need to call a doctor. A _medical_ doctor. I doubt that I can handle... _this_.”

“You have to. We can't just call some stranger in without SHIELD noticing”, Tony replied.

“Why are you protecting him?”

“I am not being protective, it's just... I think I feel sorry for him. Seeing him like this... I mean, he's supposed to be the bad guy, but you can't be furious at him, much less fight him, when he can't even _speak_ ”, the millionaire explained slowly. “So... see what you can do, will you?” He looked over to Thor who had been awfully silent during the past half hour, just staring at his little (oh, how Loki would hate to hear that) brother (that, too, of course).

Banner hesitated a moment before he sighed and gave in.

“Fine. I am going to treat him. Tony, you stay here because I have no idea how to find my stuff in this room. Thor, feel free to go or stay as long as you don't interfere.” Now he was serious, judged by the tone of his voice, pushing away who his patient was and only focussed on the best possible treatment.

After grabbing a pair of white gloves and pulling them on, Banner knelt down beside the bed with Loki in it and ordered: “Tony, pass me a cloth. And put disinfectant on it. A lot. Oh, and I need scissors.”

“I have this feeling like I will not be in the mood for breakfast today”, Tony muttered while obeying.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm not really content with this chapter but I somehow had to do the transition... As always, feel free to comment and criticise, cause I kind of live on that :D
> 
> And don't call me mean, it's getting worse.


	11. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki comes back with a threat...

They were doing fine.

Loki's readings were not healthy, but at least not growing worse and with the blood wiped from his face he... well, he still looked horrible, but at least it was not as bad as before. He was laying still most of the time, awfully pale, but breathing.

It would have been fine, really. If it just weren't for the god to wake up while Banner was busy cutting the thread that had been sealing his mouth.

There was no warning, no sign before Loki opened his eyes and gasped, tearing his own skin in the process.

“Stay down!”, the doctor instantly shouted, but the god only tried to pull away and shift himself into an upright position.

“Get away”, he panted, indistinct through his half-sealed lips, eyes wide with panic. “Get away, run, you need to...”

“Easy, Loki, easy!”, Tony now interrupted, trying to reassure him. “Thor, god dammit, hold him _down_!”

Being awakened from his disbelieving numbness, Thor grabbed his brother by his shoulders (hell, had he always been so skinny?) and pushed him back onto the mattress, trying to calm him in a language foreign to Tony and Bruce. It showed no effect.

“Get away”, Loki repeated breathless, new streams of blood running down his chin. “It's a trap, they will... _He_ will...”

“ _You_ will shut up right now”, Stark growled. “You're making things worse. We'll make a deal. You lay down now and let us get that... um... get rid of that problem. _After_ that, we will listen to you. Get it?”

For a matter of seconds, Loki just stared at him with wide eyes. Then, he took a shuddering breath and nodded slightly, lowering himself on his back again as if he had understood that it was useless to try to talk to them now. Banner hesitantly asked: “Do you want me to give you some painkillers? Because I won't lie, I'm sure this will hurt as hell.” The god just shook his head, a barely visible motion. “Fine, then. I promise I try to be gentle.”

It was to be regarded as an attempt by Loki to keep his honour because he did not cry. In fact, he did not even whine. The only reaction he showed was a wince or a sharp hiss when Bruce would pull out a part of the thread he had cut off. He was staring at the ceiling, hands clenched into the blanket beneath him. Only their constant, slight shivering gave away he was in pain.

“We're done”, Banner stated finally. Loki remained silent for a moment, and with him did everyone else in the infirmary, until he finally managed a faint whisper, his voice raspy and trembling from being unused for so long.

“He is going to kill you. One by one, he is going to break you, he will make me watch while he is tearing you apart and then, he will come for me.”

It did not sound like something he came up with, not at all. No, it seemed like Loki was just repeating what he had heard over and over again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, Lokes, I'm mean. But... it's neccessary >:)
> 
> I'm pretty confident that I'll manage two chapters cause I already started the next one and this here was rather short and I have plenty of time so...
> 
> Look forward to it ;) Although I think the one or two after this one will be more dialogue and stuff because having Loki in the house makes trouble. With people. That don't like Loki. Y'know.


	12. Busted!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill the time between Loki's speech and Steve's showdown. Problems incoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the people who keep reviewing this, I love it ^.^ Sorry this chapter is more of a filler, but it needs to be done anyway, so... Hope you can enjoy it :)

After his announcement, Loki fell asleep. He looked exhausted and that was a really kind word to describe the white skin, his shallow breathing and the way he gave an unconscious whine (Tony was sort of glad he would not remember this later because he was probably going to kill anybody who saw him in this state) while Bruce was taking care of his wounds. No one lost a word about what the god had said earlier.

When they turned him on his stomach to look at his back, Tony noticed his hair for the first time.

“Jesus, what the hell?” The words slipped before he could think about them, and he didn't quite know if they were about the lacerations on his back he didn't even want to know the origin of or about the fact that Loki's black hair was long enough to cover his shoulder blades and almost reach his _waist_.

Banner just stared at the black, tangled mass in confusion before he said: “I don't know and I don't want to. Tony, scissors.”

Silently Tony handed the pair of scissors over and watched as the doctor slowly trimmed the strands to a length they had had before, with black locks curling over Loki's shoulders. Then he started to sterilize the cuts, wiping them clean and doing whatever medical treatment had to be done.

Treating Loki took two hours altogether, and to say he looked better would be a lie, but at least he looked ill in a clinical way, with white bandages and plasters all over, not that dirty and not that bloodstained.

“Tony, I would _love_ to discuss that with you now, but I'm far too tired and seriously not in the mood, so... let's do that when I'm awake, shall we?”, Bruce mumbled, standing up and stretching. “Don't worry, I will not call SHIELD in... yet.”

“Thanks. You'll find your floor by your own, I guess?”, the millionaire asked. After the New York incident, Stark Tower had become something like the Avengers' head quarter, and since it was a mess anyway, Tony had made a few changes including a separate level for every one of them, adapted to the personal needs. For example, Bruce's was completely Hulk-proof. Well, as much as it could be, at least.

“Yeah, I will. Good night... naw, more like good morning. However, I'm going to sleep now.”

With that, Banner disappeared into the direction the elevator was.

“What about you?”, Tony asked, directed to Thor. “Not going to sleep?”

“I shall stay at my brother's side until he awakens”, the god of thunder answered and leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, as if he expected an objection. It was waved away.

“Since it's 4am I don't think it's worth going to sleep either, so I guess I'm gonna have a drink. Should I bring something along for you?” Thor just shook his head and Tony shrugged. “Well then, I'll be right back.”

When there was no reaction, he sighed and began to make his way to the top floor with Loki's words still echoing inside of his head. _He is going to kill you, one by one._

“For Christ's sake, Loki”, he mumbled to himself. “You are driving me crazy. And that's not half as hot as it sounds.”

He didn't even have to tell JARVIS where he was going. The elevator stopped at the highest floor and he got out, wandering over to the bar where he had sat even more often than usual in the past few days. He had expected to sleep better with Loki gone, but since he didn't know where he was and if he wasn't up to something again, it had made him even more restless.

That and the fact that he had been researching about runes, magic and lots of other stuff he normally refused to believe in – counting the past few months out because he didn't really could deny it any more – without getting results (which was not only depressing Thor, but offending his pride as well, 'cause Tony Stark solves every problem once he deals with it) had led to a full week where he did not sleep more than 48 hours altogether.

And that led to a really, really tired Tony Stark who, once he had his drink in front of him and got seated on one of the bar stools, dropped his head onto the counter and fell asleep in an instant.

 

~*~

 

Loki did not wake up in the morning. In fact, he would not wake up during the whole day.

Tony did though.

He shrunk from his sleep with a cry and a movement that made the bar stool fall over and caused him to hit the ground with the back of his head. Groaning, he laid there for a second, shaking of the pictures of the nightmare that had woke him.

“JARVIS, what time is it?”, he asked.

“It's one fifteen, Sir.”

“One fifteen what?”

“Pm, Sir, if you would mind to take a look out of the window”, the AI replied. Tony tilted his head to the side and tried not to think of the picture he had to be showing right now (laying on the floor on his back, arms stretched out to his side, legs somewhat tangled in a bar stool – not really an image of dignity) as he gave a little “Oh”.

The weather was amazing, not one cloud to be seen at the sky. Slowly he got to his feet, trying to ignore the aching at the back of his head. Suddenly a thought hit him.

“1am, JARVIS?”, he repeated.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Wow.” Tony ran a hand through his messy hair. “That's... that's almost seven hours at a time. That's a new high score.”

“I would still recommend you slept more since...”

“Shut up, JARVIS. Let me have my little moment of happiness, will you?”, he interrupted. “So, am I the only one awake right now?”

“Actually, Doctor Banner got up around 9am and Thor never went to sleep”, the AI told him. Sighing Tony went over to the elevator and asked: “Where's Banner now?”

“He is with Loki, as is Thor.”

“Great. There's no chance one of them is going to make breakfast, I guess?”, he asked hopefully.

“Most likely not. But Captain Rogers might fill that part.”

“Well, maybe he would, if he was here and...” Tony went pale. “Oh fuck. Please tell me he's not here, JARVIS.”

“He is not here.”

“...You're lying, aren't you?”

“I am.”

“Why?”

“Because you told me to.”

“Crap. Where is he?”, Stark demanded.

“He just entered the building, therefore he is currently in the elevator.”

“Alert the others”, he ordered. “Tell them to... to get into the kitchen. If Rogers gets to know about Loki, then so will Fury. And then we're dead. Do not tell the Cap anything about Loki, get it?”

“Yes. They are on their way, Sir”, the AI said after a minute.

“Good. Where's Rogers?”

“He has just reached his floor. It seems like he is planning on changing into casual clothes before he enters the common floor.”

“Whew. Thank god. Well, at least I'm awake now. God bless the adrenaline.”

Sighing Tony stepped out of the elevator and headed for the kitchen on the... yeah, common floor. The top floor, meaning the penthouse, had his bar and the landing pod for the suit on it; right below it laid the level with the kitchen, a living room with the equipment for long evenings and a giant bathroom including a pool because – just because he could; underneath that were the floors of the individual Avengers members and beneath that the tower was used for business, Stark Industries and so on.

When he stepped into the room, Thor and Banner entered from the other way. The god of thunder looked like he hadn't slept the whole night (which was probably a fact) while Bruce seemed pretty well-rested, even if worried.

“Looks like you should start explaining by now”, he said with a small smile.

“Yeah, I guess”, Tony mumbled while taking a seat. “Actually, there is not really much to explain. I practically stumbled over him after a small mission last week and... I didn't shoot him right away so he had time to explain. According to him he was banished to earth without his powers-”

“And you believed him?”, Banner interrupted.

“He proved it”, Tony replied. “I mean, you saw his arms, didn't you? Now let me finish.”

"What friend Anthony says is true", Thor confirmed. "Loki's punishment included being sent to Midgard in a normal human state."

“Fine”, Bruce mumbled.

“Actually, most of the time he slept. I got him here, found out he's not the guy for alcohol and forced him into bed. His bed. _Alone_ ”, he added after receiving suspicious glares from both sides. “Well, when he woke up, the Chitauri appeared and... kinda crashed my tower. And then, this morning, he appeared in the hall. That's it.”

Banner let out a breath. “That's it?”, he repeated. Stark just nodded.

“You have seen Loki. How can I not pity him? Given that I'm a philanthropist after all.”

“I think you should be worrying a bit more about what he said”, Banner stated with arms crossed in front of his chest. “I mean, he didn't sound like he was joking for once.”

“We can't do anything right now, can we? My biggest concern right now is the Cap. If he finds out...”

“If I find out what?”, a voice came from across the room. All heads turned to see Steve standing in the doorway.

“Y'know what? Fuck this”, Tony groaned, burying his face in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go. Now the others know stuff, too, and there are going to be problems and I'd say, the problems are going to become bigger now so... *points to Loki* His fault.
> 
> Have a nice weekend! ^.^


	13. Imperfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve does certainly not approve of Loki's stay at the tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, no school today, so: new chapter for you ^.^ Hope you enjoy!  
> (And don't be mad with Steve, he's just doing his thing. Being righteous and stuff.)

It would have been a rather enjoyable sight for Tony to leave Steve in a loss for words, really, it _was_ in every other situation. But right now he felt more like burying himself in some really, really dark cave when he met the accusing, betrayed glare he shot him instead of speaking. When Steve finally raised his voice, it was low and full of disdain.

“So you are basically telling me you have not only saved a criminal from death but also planned on treating him without your own teammates knowing?”, he asked.

“Loki is...”, Thor began, but the Captain cut him off, almost throwing the chair he had been sitting on over as he stood up.

“...a _murderer_ ”, he almost shouted. “Somebody who should be _dead_ by now, by American justice!”

“And there speaks the righteous American”, Tony muttered.

“ _You_ , Stark...”

“Oh, back to last names?”

“...can put your useless comments to a place I'm not going to mention right now”, Rogers hissed.

“Whoa, that's quite heavy coming from you, Capsicle”, Tony grinned only to be grabbed by the collar and be lifted off his chair.

“I put it a way even _you_ have to understand it, Stark”, Steve growled. “Shut _the fuck_ up!” That was when patience and a bad conscience finally stepped aside for the lack of sleep and the aggression that came with it.

“I would request to let go off me right now because this is my tower and I will not be ordered around in here”, Stark stated determined. “If I decide to keep Loki here, then I keep Loki here. It is none of your concern, get it? I allow you”, he pushed the Captain away with a hand on his chest, “and the others to stay here, not the other way round. I decide who is here and who is not because this is _my_ fucking place and I am sick of defending myself for everything, whether if I decide to have a party, a casual fuck or, in this case, a _guest_ you don't approve to. If it doesn't suit you, fine, _leave_!” In the end his voice had raised to a shout.

He straightened his shirt with a casual gesture. It wasn't particularly Loki he was defending right now, it was just his frustration that had grown over months when he had felt more and more as a guest in the place he used to call home and all the tension built up met now the stern glare of the taller man with an anger he hadn't expected to be there.

“See?”, Steve asked. He turned away and began walking up and down in the kitchen, tangling his hair with a hand. “He's not even here and causes us to fight anyway. Wherever this guy goes, chaos follows.”

“This is enough!”, Thor yelled. “Loki has done wrong, I am aware of that. But the way you are speaking of him is inappropriate in every way!”

“You're just proving his point, Thor”, Tony interrupted. “How? How the hell is this my life? Since when do I have to tell my babysitter when I want to have guests, huh?”

“Since you take in murderers as your _guests_! This is not funny!”

“You know what, _Captain Rogers_? Do what you want. You can summon SHIELD's forces here if it makes you feel better, but Loki stays and I'm not going to argue about that. You'd yell at me anyway. Fuck it, _everything_ I do is wrong. What should I have done, huh?! Let him bleed out on the floor of my fucking tower? Seriously? If I had done _that_ , you'd have complained too, probably about me being heartless. I can do what I want, I end up doing the wrong thing because Mr-Perfect-Ken-Doll will _always_ find a mistake, always. So just deal with it, I don't care if you're content or not. _My_ decision, remember? Me, grown up? Don't need a babysitter cause I'm older than all of you – and I'm counting the years you actually lived here – and I _certainly_ don't need you to judge if I'm doing fine, thank you very much.”

With that, he turned around and left the kitchen and therefore a rather agitated Steve to Banner and Thor and although it was probably cowardly, he would only have made things worse if he had stayed. It was done better for all if he began to work on a plan that kept director Fury from strangling him in his sleep.

After half an hour he had spent sitting on his bar in the penthouse, barely touching his drink, he heard footsteps approach. He sighed silently and straightened himself. By the steady, determined steps he could easily tell it was the Captain coming for him.

“What's the matter?”, he asked without turning around. “I think I expressed myself pretty clear.”

“Yeah, you did”, came the answer. “And I think you got that I _don't_ approve.”

“Yup. Didn't really hold back telling me that. Actually, I expected to go out of this with a broken nose. To say the least.”

“Whatever. I just wanted to say I'm not going to tell Fury for now and, to be honest, that's more for Thor's sake than for yours. But you don't have to worry about that now. You're an adult, and even if you can be a childish asshole sometimes, I hope you know what's best for you.”

“Well, thanks.” Tony got up from his bar stool, abandoning his drink untouched. “If you have anything else to say, childish asshole is in the workshop. Bye.”

 

~*~

 

He spent the rest of the day successfully avoiding any company. It was not like someone would search for him.

When he was sure everyone else was asleep or at least not to run into him any time soon, Tony returned to the penthouse, grabbing the scotch that still stood on the counter and would most likely taste horrible by now. He really couldn't care less.

Slowly he made his way outside to stand at the edge of the platform, looking down at New York. For a brief moment he considered a flight with the suit, but he found he wasn't in the mood at all. Instead, he climbed onto the _A_ left of the _STARK_ -lettering (now standing for _Avengers Tower_ , he would never get used to that), balancing the glass in one hand, until he could let his legs dangle into the air. The height made him slightly dizzy, but he refused to look up.

 _How easy it would be to end this right now_ , he thought. _At least Fury and the Cap wouldn't have to deal with their problem child any more. Yeah, it would be a lot easier for everyone. Nobody to screw up their missions because he can't follow orders. Sorry for having a free will._

Tony Stark had never been a suicidal person. Sure, he was taking risks when it was necessary, _big_ risks – like flying into a wormhole, for example – but he had never been one to think about killing himself by purpose. Even when things went terribly wrong, even after the breakup with Pepper he had rather buried himself in work or drowned any thought in alcohol, before his fellow Avengers had decided to stop his 'destructive way of living'.

Actually, the engineer had never bothered much when others criticized him. He didn't nowadays, either. But somehow, it stung in a whole other way when your childhood idol told you you were incapable of making own decisions and a childish asshole.

Well, wasn't this just great.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it... Sorry for the cliffhanger^^ Next one comes Saturday and there's finally some Loki again. I mean, conscious Loki.  
> ;)


	14. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one - here you go! :) A little angsty, and although it's not quite what I intended to write, I hope you enjoy ^.^
> 
> Also a big thanks to my beta-reader Myrsky!! Awesome work you did there ;)

The wind pulling on Tony's clothes was icy. It felt like claws digging into his skin, together with the faint voice that told him it would solve all his problems if he just leant forward and let go. He took a sip of his scotch absently. The wind tugged his hair and it felt almost like fingers caressing his skin – _fuck it, Tony, you're touch-starved_ , he cursed himself. _How the hell did that happen?_ Thinking about it closer, he had not been with a woman since Pepper had broken up with him. He hadn't really noticed, was driven too far inside himself to think of someone else that time, but now the realisation hit him even harder. He _needed_ Pepper. He knew _he_ was not what _she_ needed, but he needed _her_ so desperately – no, needed _anyone_ to give him what, actually, not even she had been able to give him. Someone who understood him.

 _You are an idiot, Tony_. _How can you expect someone to understand you if you won't let anybody in, huh?_ It was true. But he didn't _want_ to let somebody in. It would only end in more pain. He had opened for Obadiah, and he had betrayed him. He had showed Pepper a little bit of who he was, and she had shrunk back.

Slowly he leaned forward, one hand clenching around the edge of the _A_ he was situated on. It would be easier, really. Probably the others wouldn't even notice until it was showed in the news. _Tony Stark jumped off his tower yesterday_.

_Whoa, Tony. You're fucked up, seriously. This is just wrong._

He slid a little bit closer to the void beneath him, taking a deep breath and...

Suddenly he was yanked backwards by his shirt. He gasped, startled, and let the glass of scotch go he had been holding. In the corner of his eye he saw it fall and watched the liquid form fascinating little droplets while he was pulled onto the roof where he dropped to the ground with a heavy thud.

“What in the name of the Nine was that, Stark?” Groaning he shifted his weight onto his elbows and looked up. Beside him knelt Loki, slightly panting and pale as death. “Do you hear me? Stark?”

“What are you doing up here?”, Tony murmured. “You're s'posed to be unconscious.” He let himself drop on his back again, not having the energy to be afraid of the god above him or to care for the coldness of the concrete in his back.

“I woke up and since I assumed I would find you here... well, I did. Although under... surprising circumstances. You were not really going to...”

“Shut up”, Tony muttered and hated himself for how weak his voice sounded. “I was just... needed fresh air and... oh, c'mon. It's not like you would care anyway.”

“From what I know, there is nobody here eager to keep me in this household if you kill yourself, so...”

“ _Loki_!”

“What? Nothing will change, no matter if you speak it out loud or not”, the god stated. Tony rolled to his side, curling into a ball.

“I don't _want_ to speak it out, okay? Least of all to you. I don't need anyone to... to...” A noise sounding disturbingly similar to a sob managed its way out of his throat. “Get lost.” He couldn't deal with Loki, not right now. He was too torn, too lost.

“I do not plan on doing so. I suggest _we_ go inside so I don't have to fear for you to die from the cold and then, you can do whatever you want”, Loki replied. He wasn't babysitting him right now, was he? Oh for Christ's sake, this was getting worse and worse. Tony took in a shuddering breath and wiped his eyes secretly before pushing himself up on his knees and then standing up. He wouldn't show his weaknesses to Loki, out of everybody.

“You shouldn't be out here either”, he said, pulling the god upright without asking for permission. He tensed at the grip he had on his shoulder, but made no comment. “You're injured.”

“This is fine. I have experienced worse in the past”, he mumbled. Apparently he had noticed the change in mood and, thank god (nah, not _this_ one actually) he played along and let the topic rest.

“In the past you've had some godly powers you don't have now”, Tony retorted. “Come on, get inside.” Sighing, the god obeyed and they stepped into the warmth of the penthouse, “I would offer you a drink, but since you seem to be afraid of alcohol and the doc would probably murder me, I guess I'll go for... I don't know, orange juice? What do they drink in Never-Never-Land?”

Loki shot him an unfathomable glare at the change of topics, but fortunately didn't comment on it. Instead he situated himself on one of the bar stools and answered: “Whatever you think won't kill me. I am not familiar with Midgard's eating patterns either.”

“Fine, then orange juice it is”, Tony stated. “But wait, there could be some kind of fruit acid stuff in there and I really don't want Bruce to rip my head off because I killed you with fruit acid-stuff. You know. Why is there even acid in fruits? They're meant to be eaten, aren't they? Why put acid in them then? ... So what's this discussion about? Fruit acid. Fruit acid? How did this even start? Ugh, mind if I just get you water?”

“If it keeps you from babbling more nonsense, I would appreciate that”, Loki answered bluntly. “Honestly, I will have to start doubting your state of sanity if you say _fruit acid_ once more.”

“Fruit acid. There ya go. I'm not sane at all. Sane people are boring”, the millionaire grinned and went over to the lift, because, who keeps water in a cocktail bar? “Wait a minute. Kitchen is one floor beneath, don't blow anything up while I'm down there, bye.”

When he was in the elevator, he let out a breath and let himself slump against the fridge. Had he just been saved from suicide? By _Loki_? What the hell? He had expected some things to go wrong since there was _always_ something wrong in his life, but... no. That had been the least he had been awaiting.

“Keep it together, Tony”, he mumbled to himself. “Not the time to worry about that. Now get some water, will you?” Taking deep breaths, he walked into the kitchen, filled a glass for Loki and returned to the penthouse. Only then he noticed he probably could have used the sink up there, but... he had needed the time to gather himself.

“Here.” He passed the glass to the god who had situated himself on a couch and was gazing at the night sky. “How do you feel?”

Loki shrugged, taking a sip of the water while Tony took a seat on the same couch, although he was keeping a respectful distance, and answered: “Not... too bad. Not as bad as I expected, at least. I mean, I can even walk and I really did not expect _that_.” Slowly he raised a hand to his bruised lips and brushed them lightly with his index finger. “This was... more uncomfortable. It is reassuring to be able to speak again.” A sudden shiver took over his body and he squeezed his eyes shut, but the moment was gone before it really begun.

Tony resisted the urge to ask about what had happened. First, he didn't really want to hear it, second, there was plenty of time to find out. He was pretty sure Loki was not eager to talk about this right now, having just awakened.

Silence settled between them, but it was not unpleasant. The god started to watch the stars again and Tony took the chance to survey him closer. He didn't seem threatening at all; pale, with bandages and plasters on almost every bit of skin not covered by the white clothing Bruce had found somewhere, not to mention the fresh scars on his lips. But there was something else, something that Tony only realized just now.

The... _old_ Loki was another person. His stance had been different, proud (or more like smug) and self-confident, armoured enough to not leave any of his weaknesses visible. He would never have been sitting the way Loki did now, knees pulled up to his chest and the glass of water in his hands as if it was the only thing keeping him alive, and he hadn't had this glimmer of fear in his eyes that was so omnipresent it wasn't even conspicuous anymore, and he would _never_ have saved one of his enemies.

Tony didn't really want to think about what had made him change this way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. Yup.  
> Tomorrow (or even this evening, depends) I'll upload a little One-Shot to this (then it's officially a series) and more will follow, but I'll always inform you in the end notes... Not really necessary to understand the story, but maybe a nice little add-on :)


	15. Meeting again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor finds out his brother is awake. There's a lot of sweet cheesy things in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for the work of my super awesome beta Myrsky - you deserve all the Loki hugs! :D

They sat on the couch for what felt like hours, not wanting to get up, both for their own reasons. In the end it was none of them who interrupted the silence, but another person entering the room. Loki turned his head to face his brother, who stood in the doorway in pyjamas with a glass of juice in his hand, and stared at him with wide eyes for a second before storming towards him and lifting him of the couch to pull him into a tight embrace.

Loki gasped in surprise and pain at the same time before he managed to protest in a strained voice: “Thor... you are crushing... my ribs.” The grasp became less forceful immediately, although Thor kept holding on as if his brother were to run away. “Let me go”, Loki demanded coldly.

“I shall not”, Thor announced determined. “I have lost you for too long and I do not plan on...”

“Let me go, you stupid oaf!”, the trickster god complained, sounding defiant, but not really offending, while he struggled in the firm grip of his brother.

“I still do not plan on abandoning you again. I...”

“No, you let me go, _now_ , or I...

Tony grinned as he watched the brothers – ah, sorry, the definitely-not-brothers – arguing. The sight was just _too_ enjoyable.

“Thor, just let go. I am serious”, Loki groaned and finally, his brother obeyed with a kicked-puppy-expression in his baby blue eyes.

“Brother, I –“ The thunderer was cut off as Loki's fist connected with his jaw, catching him off guard, and causing him to stumble backwards. He caught himself fast, though, and looked up utterly surprised just to see his brother rubbing his knuckles and wearing a very, _very_ satisfied smile on his lips.

“I have been wanting to do this for a long time”, he declared. “Now get here.”

“You...”

“I said, _get here_.” The younger god's order was given with a tone cold as ice. Thor followed reluctantly and was left bewildered when Loki stepped forward and buried his face in his neck, searching for a hold on his clothing and giving a low sigh as he said: “I missed you too, you dumb oaf.” Slowly and very gentle Thor lifted his arms to wrap them around the smaller god, careful not to bruise any of his injuries.

Tony almost choked on his drink, but then only grinned wider and bit back a sarcastic comment à la 'happy family reunion' as he watched the two of them holding each other for the first time in what seemed to have been far too long. Again, the happiness of the moment was shadowed by the question _why_ the hell Loki was acting like this all of sudden. Saving him was one thing, but hugging his brother unsolicited something entirely else.

“I am sorry”, Loki whispered. His voice was weak and almost inaudible to the millionaire. “I am sorry for everything that happened.” Thor looked completely caught by surprise and at a loss for words. His younger brother's grip on him tightened. “I thought I might never be able to tell you again.” Now his voice was too faint for the engineer to catch, but he was fairly sure he heard “I love you” at least once.

Oh, this was just so sweet, but so fucked up at the same time. What the hell had happened to Loki that he acted as if he expected to die any second and told his so very hated brother that he loved him and whatever else. It scared Tony, it really did. Of course some part of him was happy for those two and their reunion, but mostly, he was worried.

It took them a few minutes until they finally parted again. Loki seemed to fight for his composure and kept his eyes lowered to the ground while he muttered something of going to bed and left for the elevator in a sudden hurry. Without another word, without even a glance to the millionaire. Why did he care?

“Well, that was just cute”, Tony finally chuckled after the god had left. “You sure you wanna let him go alone? Because he didn't look really stable.”

“Loki is no person who wishes for support in such a situation”, Thor replied, settling himself on the couch. “He is far too proud to accept help unless he is in real danger, and even then he is very reluctant about it.” He grabbed the glass with orange juice – oh, the irony – he had set aside before and sipped slowly.

“He looks like that kind of person, yeah”, he mumbled. “But it seems you're one happy family again, huh?”

“I am really glad he has stopped rejecting me”, the god answered, smiling. “I knew it would have been no good to give up on him. Anyway, it worries me what happened in the time he has been gone since it has changed him so much.” Oh, so Thor _could_ be empathic sometimes. Even he got that something magnificent must had happened to cause such a sudden change of behaviour.

 _I thought I might never be able to tell you again_. 

“Me too. But I doubt we should ask him already. He still seems pretty troubled and all. Give him some time.”

“Aye, we shall do that. I think I will be able to sleep better now. In the first place I came here to talk to you about my brother, but that seems to be settled now”, Thor said while getting up again and putting his glass aside. “Have a good night, Anthony.”

“Sure.” _Not gonna sleep anyway._ “You too.”

 _And alone again_ , he thought as the blonde left for his room. _God, this is all just so fucked up._ Sighing, he made himself comfortable on the couch, lying on his back; the hand still holding the scotch on his chest, the other arm dangling so it touched the floor and his legs outstretched.

He didn't close his eyes though. Now there was no one around his thoughts were painfully present and they would be even more if he blocked out the view of the ceiling as his only distraction.

“Yeah, distraction's the word”, he mumbled. “JARVIS, hit me some music. Loud.”

“As you wish, Sir”, the AI said and followed his order. Tony didn't even bother to recognize the AC/DC track filling the room. He was just glad it was loud enough to drown his screaming mind.

_Loki just saved your life._

_Steve knows Loki is here._

_Loki is here. Fuck. Loki is in your tower and you're doing nothing about it!_

_Fury is going to murder you._

_Shit, shit, shit..._

Suddenly the room went silent and Tony groaned.

“JARVIS, what the hell?”

“Tony, what are you doing there? Your bedroom is downstairs, y'know?”, a voice came from the elevator. The millionaire tilted his head to get a look on Clint and Natasha stepping into the room.

“Oh, you're back”, he greeted. “Hi. Why are you up here?” This was bad, this was bad, this was so very bad...

“Because JARVIS told us you were here and we wanted to look after you”, Natasha replied, “and since you're lying on your couch so drunk you can't even go to bed, I guess it was the right thing to do.”

“I am not drunk!”, the engineer defended himself and added a muttered “mum”.

“No, you're definitely not”, Clint grinned, crossing the room and sitting down on the edge of the couch. With one finger he pointed at the glasses on the table and the to the one in Tony's hand as he spoke. “You've only had... _a_ t _least_ three shots.”

“These are not mine”, he responded sulking.

“Oh? So whose?”, Natasha teased.

“That one's Thor's and... um...” Oh shit. “...yeah, the second one belongs to me.” Tony gave a nervous smile and somehow he knew this wasn't going to go well. He was too tired, too troubled to act right now and lying to those two was a challenge even when he was at his best state.

God, he'd had one confession this day, he couldn't stand two. But if they found Loki on their own, the god would probably be dead before there was time to explain anything. Nope, not a good option.

Shifting himself into an upright position, Tony prepared for the worst.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my TV woke me at this ungodly hour, I decided I could as well put the chapter I got written (and beta'ed :3) during the week up now, so, hope you enjoyed and had a good start in the weekend - it's not that dark this time, but don't worry, that's going to come again too...  
> But we all need some cheesy cuddly stuff sometimes, right? :)
> 
> Oh, almost forgot, there IS something dark: The One-Shot is up, it's part 2 of this series. Tells you a little bit about Loki's mental condition...


	16. The Wonder Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go unpleasant when Natasha and Clint find out about Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a big, big thank-you to my beta-reader Myrsky :) So lost without you! :D

“So you're having guests without telling me?”, Clint pouted and Tony let out a strained breath. “And share them with Thor?”

“Um... not quite. Guests. Well, you... could put it that way. No reason to be jealous though”, he said and took a sip of his scotch. Probably his chance of surviving would be bigger if he told the two assassins himself instead of letting them find out, although he would have preferred if he wouldn't have to face Hawkeye with the news. He knew (and understood to a point) how negative he was when it came to Loki.

“So it's a blonde one? 'Cuz I don't like blondes”, Clint mused. “But if she had red hair...” A cough sounded from across the room and the archer quickly stopped, grinning to himself. Tony would have laughed at the bantering of the definitely-not-a-couple at any other time, but right now it was... difficult.

“Guys?”, he asked carefully. “If I was about to tell you something that made you really want to rip my head off... could you not do it?” He looked sheepishly from the Widow, who stood in front of him now, to Clint and back.

“I seriously dislike the way you sounded just now”, Hawkeye remarked. “Did you screw something up?”

“Well, I didn't exactly screw him”, Tony muttered under his breath but low enough that the others didn't hear it. Louder he said: “I have... sort of... a guest. A permanent one. I mean, for a while. He's gonna stay although I'm not sure for how long so I took him in and I'm kind of keeping this a secret but since you would find out anyway I thought I might just tell you and get out alive because I cover him and I would really appreciate not being killed for...”

“Tony”, Natasha interrupted firmly. “Who are you hiding?” The engineer took a deep breath and kept his eyes averted as he answered.

“Loki.”

He heard Clint gasp besides him and suddenly felt incredibly guilty.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”, the archer exclaimed. “You can't be serious. What sick kind of joke is this?”

“It's no joke.” The words seemed to be stuck in his throat.

“You can't be serious”, Clint repeated low before he rose to his feet and started to yell at him. “I mean... why?! Has he messed with your goddamn head?”

“He didn't. Listen, I...”

“I'm not gonna listen! That guy did something to you or you were just drunk as hell...”

“He didn't do anything because he can't! Clint, will you listen for a fucking second?!”, Tony interrupted.

“Oh, he can't? Don't you think you're a little arrogant here to assume he can't do anything to you? He-”

“He is stripped of his powers, helpless and injured, plus he already tried to take me while invading us and it didn't work out then, so why should it now?”, he interrupted, this time really being loud. This was becoming ridiculous.

“Even if he is helpless, he killed hundreds of people who where helpless too with a flick of his wrist! He has killed Phil, he...”

“Clint, it's enough”, Natasha stepped in, laying a hand on the archer's forearm, and shot Tony a pointed glare. “Don't think I'm not with him. But yelling around won't change anything. I am going to alert SHIELD now.” Tony stood up from the couch, stepping towards her.

“Oh, come on, Tasha, you can't...”

“That's Natasha for you”, she snapped.

“Oh look who's pissed”, the millionaire muttered under his breath and slumped back onto the sofa, folding his arms. “Fine, do what you want. Strange that nobody cares to ask me for permission these days.”

“I was going to anyway. No need for your permission.” She walked over to the window while speaking short, sharp sentences into her phone. It took her less than a minute during that Tony kept his eyes down at the scotch in his hands, avoiding Clint's glare, until she turned around again and announced: “Fury is going to be here in less than an hour with an escort to take him to...”

“Oh no, he's not!”, Stark interrupted. “He's not taking him anywhere. Loki is here because their, whatever, leader or king decided so, he's here to serve his punishment and that's not gonna be done by SHIELD!”

“Don't make this worse, Tony”, Natasha said, raising a hand to stop Clint from making any comments. Tony took a deep breath.

“Fine. I'm going to tell him and I do not want any of you with me.” He walked to the elevator.

“Tony...”, Natasha began, but she was not the only one who could be ridiculously childish. The engineer turned around while the doors were closing and sneered: “That's Stark for you.”

Tony knew he was being unfair. Of course he knew. It was only natural that Natasha and Clint had reacted the way they had: With disapproval. But anyway he felt strangely protective towards Loki. The fallen god had suffered enough in this past week (yet another thing he had to figure out because no way Loki had changed that much in just a week – not to mention his hair had looked like it hadn't been cut for years) and he wasn't willing to let more happen to him.

He hesitated in front of the door, his hand raised to knock. He hated bringing bad news, really. Loki had retreated into the rooms Tony had given him when he first decided to stay at the tower (well, more like he decided for him, but whatever). There was no sound to be heard from the inside. Sighing, he knocked and asked: “Loki, you awake?” It was of no use to delay this any longer.

A few seconds there was no answer, then, barely audible: “I am. Come in if that is what you are here for.” Tony took a deep breath, then he opened the door. Loki was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking nervous as if he knew there was something bad going on. Probably he could read it on his face – hell, he must look like the bad news in person.

“What is wrong? You look... worried”, the god remarked. _And here we go_.

“Yeah, I... I guess I am.” Tony swallowed, closing the door behind him and went over to sit next to Loki, although he kept a respectful distance again. “You could say I have bad news.” The other's body tensed just a little, but enough for him to notice. Hastily, he added: “Nothing too bad. I'm sure I'm gonna get you out of this again, I promise. It's not like I hadn't dealt with'em before so I...”

“Stark”, Loki interrupted. “Don't you want to tell me who we are talking about?”

“Um, yes, of course. Sorry.” Once again, he took a deep breath. He was doing a lot of talking-off-topic today. “SHIELD is after you now. Precisely, they're on their way here.”

“...Oh.” The god was silent for a moment before he asked: “Tell me, Stark... why are you so eager on helping me? It would save you a lot of trouble if you let them take me and... do what they want to do. Why don't you?”

“Do you want that?”, Tony asked back.

“No, I just...”

“And there's your answer. You know, when I started something, I usually finish it. It's a matter of pride. Or honour, if you like that better. Now I've started... well, covering you, and I don't plan on giving up. Even though you're right, it's causing one hell of a mess. But you're the god of mischief, so you're just doing your thing, right?” That actually got him a small chuckle from Loki.

“Good to see it works even without me doing anything”, he grinned.

“Don't get too cocky or I might reconsider this”, Tony warned playfully.

“You just told me you will _not_ so I am afraid that... well, I am not afraid.”

“Maybe you should”, the millionaire answered, a mischievous grin spreading on his face.

“Give me a reason and – ow!” Loki looked at him flabbergasted. “Did... did you... you did. You just hit me. With a pillow.” The look on his face was worth _millions_.

“I didn't think you were one to state the obvious”, Tony teased.

“Oh, actually I am just distracting you.”  

“Distracting me from what?”

“Distracting you enough to get my hand on a weapon”, the god replied with a grin and the next moment Tony was hit by a pillow right in the face.

As they proceeded, there was a small voice in the back of his head, whispering _Are you seriously pillow-fighting with Loki right now?_ , but he was busy enough to ignore it easily. For example by shoving said god onto the bed only to get pulled to his side and buried by the blanket that had somehow found its way into the game. Probably it was just that he needed this distraction so much what made him ignore the fact how childish it was. Most likely the same was true for Loki, because getting caught up in a pillow-fight didn't quite seem like him either. But at the moment, both of them only enjoyed it, using the chance not to think of who would be standing at the doorstep in less than an hour.

“Got you!”, Tony exclaimed, pressing his pillow onto Loki's face while sitting on his chest. He heard some muffled noises from underneath, but decided not to give in, now he had caught the god who was actually pretty fast, despite his injuries. To his honour had to be said that he had merely flinched and never complained, although the millionaire had clearly seen he was in pain more than once. Each time he reminded himself not to hit this or that spot too hard because the other would never speak it out loud.

Caught in his victory, it took him a moment to realize that Loki had stopped struggling and was shaking heavily. Immediately, Tony pulled the pillow away. The god's eyes snapped open, he was panting violently and between his gasps he let out broken pieces of sentences. His hands were fisted into the covers as if searching for a halt and there was blood staining his lips where one of the scars from the stitches had re-opened. Hastily, Tony got off him and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him lightly.

“Fuck, Loki, I'm sorry, I didn't think... Hey, Loki, are you with me? Loki, answer me!” Wide, panicked eyes locked onto him and the god started to back away, whispering incoherent words, high-pitched and faint.

“Don't... no more... don't touch me – I don't want... please, I can't...” Tony grabbed him by his shirt as he was just about to fall from the bed and did the first thing that came to his mind: he pulled him into an embrace. It was difficult since the god did everything to keep him at distance, but they ended up in a sitting position, Loki straddling Tony's lap more or less voluntarily. The millionaire did not let go even as Loki lashed out on him and almost screamed at him not to touch him, his voice on the edge of breaking, then started to beg.

“Loki, it's fine”, he reassured. “I've got you, nothing's going to happen. You're having a panic attack, there is no danger here. It's not real, do you hear me? It's okay. I'm not letting you go until you tell me you're okay.”

“I'm okay”, the god gasped. “I'm okay, but _please_ , let me go, let...”

“Not like this. I want you to feel alright, Lokes.” Where had that nickname come from? “I'm not threatening you. There is no condition you have to fulfil. I just need to be sure you're good.” This time there was no answer, but he felt Loki relax slowly, heard him catch his breath, resting his head against his shoulder and letting his hands drop to his sides. They sat like that about one minute before Tony heard a restrained sob. Carefully, he stroked the god's back with one hand, the other one finding its way into his hair. “You don't need to be afraid. It's okay. Relax.”

Another sob, this time less effort or maybe just not enough strength to suppress it. Another minute, and Loki was a weeping mess in his arms, not able to get a word out. Tony held him close the whole time, mumbling nonsense to reassure the god and accepting the hands that were grabbing his shirt, searching for something to hold on. He let him. It could have been hours (although he knew it probably weren't because then Fury would already have blown the door open) that had passed when the door opened quietly.

Luckily, Loki sat with his back to it and was too caught up in his sorrow and the pictures haunting him to notice Natasha who was about to step into the room as she spotted them on the bed. Her eyes grew wide in surprise (and that was really rare, considering we're speaking of agent Romanov here) and she opened her mouth, but Tony shook his head ever so lightly and formed two words with his lips: _Not now_. Then he raised a hand slightly and showed all his fingers, _Five minutes_ , before he lowered it onto the god's back again.

She hesitated a moment, but then nodded with a firm glare that said _And not a second longer_ before she closed the door again. Tony wasted one of his five minutes to calm Loki further who seemed to catch himself slowly (thank god or whoever gods thanked to) before he carefully took a hold of his shoulders and pushed him a few centimetres back so he could see his face. He let a hand rest on his cheek to wipe the tears away that slowly, very slowly stopped flowing, and whispered: “It's okay, really. There's no need to be afraid.”

Loki kept his eyes lowered, although he gave a small nod. “Look at me, Lokes. Tell me you're okay and promise me you won't be scared any more.” A little smile curled the gods lips as he murmured: “You sound like some kind of... how do you call them... psychologist right now.”

“I feel so, too”, Tony admitted. “But that doesn't change anything. You promise me not to be afraid any more, okay? And if you are, you come to me.”

“That sounds _really_ psychological.” At least now his voice started to sound a little more normal again.

“I don't care. Promise?”

“Fine. You have my word.” Finally Loki looked up with his blue, red-lined eyes and managed a weak smile.

Tony smiled back, tracing the line of his lips with his thumb. The god shivered at his touch, eyes maybe a little too wide, as the millionaire wiped the blood of Loki's slightly parted lips. “Good”, the engineer mumbled. The other was still straddling his lap, and Tony breathed in the faint smell of winter, overcast by blood and dirt, and he was for once looking down at Loki. His lips felt soft under his touch, he felt the shallow breath of the god on his face, and was close, didn't even need to lean in that much – He immediately pulled back as he realized what he had been thinking. Loki flinched, apparently having been caught up in the moment, too.

“Well, then...”, he cleared his throat, “I guess we'll have to get out there and face these SHIELD-guys. Remember: I'm gonna solve this. Okay?” Loki nodded and wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt while he got off Tony's lap. Was he blushing...?

Tony shook his head and climbed off the bed. It was not like he'd care or something like that.

Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for the record: Loki has blue eyes in this story, not sure if that's canon, but it looks like that (and Tom Hiddleston's eyes are definitely blue) and his eyes are green when he uses magic - which is, of course, pretty unlikely at this point, but keep it in mind, just a hint from this uninformed author here... ;)
> 
> And, as always, the uninformed author loves comments!


	17. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's negotiation with SHIELD, or, more frankly, Fury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Myrsky, as always! ^.^

Tony stood up from the bed, reaching out for Loki to help him, but the god just shook his head.

“No, Stark. That was enough embarrassment for a day, wasn't it?” A small smirk made the words sound less sharp. “I can walk by myself.” He got off the bed, stumbled and caught himself with a curse. Looking almost a little sheepish, he glanced up at the millionaire. “I... at least most of the time.”

Tony chuckled, hearing Loki clear his throat, and then said: “Seems like we'll have to face the bad guys now.”

“'Bad guys'? I think that would suit me better”, the god muttered, although the mocking note was missing.

“Just play good for now, will you? I don't know, act like you regret everything – naw, that would seem contrived. Let me do the talking, okay?” _And now, this is happening. You are actually plotting with Loki here._

“Acting is not the problem, I had a thousand years to practice.” Wow, he didn't even hesitate. Well, he _was_ a dirty player after all. “Although I don't think they would buy the convert-sinner-role. I think I will go for something else. You know, Stark, you still surprise me by doing this.”

“Yeah, me too. But it's not the time to discuss that. We should get going. I wouldn't be Tony Stark if I couldn't compromise SHIELD.” Maybe that was a bit too overconfident. But he wouldn't be Tony Stark if he wasn't overconfident sometimes, too.

Loki shot him a sceptical glare, but held back every comment as Tony opened the door.

“Nicholas Fury as well as the other Avengers are waiting in the common floor for you”, JARVIS informed him.

“Thanks, Jarv”, he said and entered the elevator together with Loki, none of them speaking a word. The ride was far too short, and when the doors opened -

“Yeah, that's just beautiful and all but _why the hell are there ten guns aiming at my face_?!”

“Because _you_ ”, Fury spoke up from behind the wall of agents, “are hiding a war criminal and I could name a damn lot of laws you're breaking but let's just say you've got a problem.”

“I see that. Now tell them to point that weapons somewhere else or I'll actually have to threaten somebody. Plus, I don't think it's a good start for a hearing to shoot a famous billionaire and national hero 'cause you'd be killed by fangirls if you did that.” Fury cocked an eyebrow.

“What makes you think I want to hear you out? I'm going to take Loki and-”

“Um, well, no. You don't”, Tony interrupted, motioning for the god to follow him as he walked over to the couch and made himself comfortable although he didn't feel like it, not a bit. Each step he took was followed by the aim of the agents' weapons in a really unnerving fashion. “I decided to take him in and I decide to keep him” – and hell, judging by Loki's glare he would probably break him a bone or two for that, but luckily he stayed quiet for the moment – “because I'm Tony fucking Stark and I always get what I want.”

Alright, he would have to search for some more reasonable arguments, this was not helping.

Fury followed him with a sour expression (most likely he had expected him to go to the kitchen where he could create his atmosphere of a trial better than sitting in an armchair and with his defendant on a couch) and one by one, the other Avengers came in from the kitchen (hah! Did they really think of him as that predictable?) and situated themselves in the living room. At least he had given Fury an awkward entrance, that was worth his mood.

Although Tony loved his furniture, nobody looked really comfortable at the moment – well, nobody but Loki. The guy was one hell of an actor. He didn't look exactly smug, but pretty content with the situation anyway, arms folded in front of his chest and legs crossed, and even if he looked less intimidating wrapped in bandages, scarred lips and dressed in white hospital clothing, he was still able to make somebody feel not being worthy of his presence.

“So, Nicky”, oh, how he loved that twitch in Fury's face right now, “before you start talking I will tell you it won't get you anywhere and you could just go back to bed because it's – JARVIS, what time is it?”

“Half past twelve in the morning, Sir.”

“Thanks. Because it's half past twelve in the morning and usually nobody but me is awake at that time and I think it should stay like that.”

“You're not expecting me to let you get away with that, do you?”, Fury growled. “Stark, that bastard destroyed half New York just two months ago, you're having panic attacks, sleep issues and nightmares since that and you _help_ him?” Tony flinched and could feel Loki's glare, but refused to look at him.

“First, that's _my_ problem. Second, how do you even know?!” Nobody knew. Well, Bruce did, and Natasha had caught him two or three times while – oh fuck. “You bitch”, Tony muttered and wasn't sure if she caught it, but judged by the way she clenched her jaw, she did. And she didn't look the least bit guilty. The loyal SHIELD agent after all. “No need to discuss that. I do 'cause I wanna”, he growled, deciding to leave the topic alone.

“There's no way I can let you do this”, Fury responded. “I'm surprised you were able to hide him for this long”, he shot a pointed glare to Steve who stared at nothing, his lips a stubborn line, “but that's not going on.”

“It's been _two_ days”, the millionaire groaned. “And I would have told you if I hadn't expected just this reaction. Well, maybe I didn't picture a bunch of agents who _still aim their god damn weapons at me_ , but, in general, I knew something like this would happen and hey, that I'm happy to take that risk should make you think for a moment.”

“Fine, since you obviously _want_ me to ask: Why did you decide to help him?”

“Because he needs it”, Tony answered and felt Loki beside him move, but raised a hand before he could object. “Mr I-do-what-I-want-Odin has sent him here and he didn't because he wanted his son”, the god tensed visibly, “to rot in a cell 'cause I'm pretty sure they have those in Never-Never-Land too. He wouldn't have sent him here to be a prisoner, that he could be in Asgard too. Actually, I don't think he even wanted us to know because I found Loki coincidentally, lingering around at some forest.”

“And you think that keeps me from imprisoning him?”, Fury asked.

“Well, yes. At least _I_ wouldn't want to argue with some overpowered godfather”, the millionaire replied.

“It is indeed not wise to cause Odin's wrath”, Thor agreed. At least one person on his side.

“There's no way you're gonna convince me with that”, Fury spat and Tony groaned.

“For fuck's sake, what do you want? I'm trying to give you the diplomatic aspects here that should interest _you_ more than anybody – safety of earth and all that, but since that doesn't seem to be the case, I'm gonna be more direct: I won't let you take him, get it? I don't care what you say, or what the others say, or what anyone says, because I'm used to you and everybody disapproving no matter what I do. There's not really anything I can make worse by making my own decisions”, he raised from the couch, “and I don't need you, Natasha or our _team leader_ ”, a gesture towards Steve, “to fuss over me because I'm a fucking adult, get it?”

A few seconds there was silence and, ow, Steve looked _hurt_ , but that was not the time to discuss that.

“Stark, sit down”, Fury finally said and with a look to the agents surrounding him Tony obeyed sighing, slumping back in his seat. “I don't know what Loki did with your head-”

“ _Alright, that's it!_ ”, Tony shouted crashing his fist onto the coffee table and barely noticed the collective wince of the group. “Fine, you don't see me as capable enough to manage my own life. You think I'm unable to care for myself. But pulling the he-messed-with-your-head-card when I do something you don't like is the dirtiest, just the _lowest_ you can get to! _Oh, Stark doesn't do what we want? He's probably fuckin' brain-damaged!_ You wanna know why I take him in? Fine, I'll show you!”

He took a deep breath. Oh, how much he _hated_ this. Who were they to doubt his decisions? To doubt his _mental state?_ “JARVIS, show the footage of Loki waking up.”

“As you wish, Sir.” The artificial voice sounded hesitant, disapproving even, but did not argue. Of course not.

The large TV screen came to life with the picture of Loki laying on the table in the infirmary, bruised and bloody all over, Bruce bent over him to open the seam on his mouth. Beside him, on the couch, Tony heard a sharp intake of breath by the god and gave him an apologetic look which wasn't noticed because Loki had lowered his head, staring into his own lap with his pale fingers digging into the fabric of his trousers. He was definitely going to break something later.

“ _He is going to kill you. One by one, he is going to break you, he will make me watch while he is tearing you apart and then, he will come for me.”_

Tony did not look at the screen, but watched the real Loki tense even more at the sound of the words spoken with his hoarse, raspy voice. He couldn't see his face because it was hidden by the black strands of hair falling into it, but he could imagine a lot of expressions he wouldn't like at all.

“JARVIS, turn it off.”

The screen went black again and the millionaire looked back at Fury.

“Are you satisfied now?” His voice was low, bare of emotions. “He's definitely safer with me than in some SHIELD holding cell. And that's why I'm going to keep him here.” Tony stood up again and ordered: “JARVIS, run some body scans on Loki. I need his size for clothes, he's going to stay for a while.” Okay, _that_ had been mostly for teasing, but he was Tony Stark and had to do teasing now and then.

With that, a smile that was just as wide as it was fake while he said “Good night, gentlemen” and a motion for Loki to follow him, he left the room for the elevator.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started a series of one-shots that are parallel to Insomnia, showing Loki encounter the other Avengers one by one. First chapter is already up (Clint) and I'll mention in the chapter notes here when I finished a new one, although I think they might come even more frequently than the main story because I wrote three of them on paper already and only need to type them off now xD  
> So, look at it, part three of the Insomnia-series, "Making Amends".  
> Ehee, self-advertising... :P


	18. Questions and Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is not exactly pleased by Tony showing off the footage in front of SHIELD. Tony has daddy-issues. Loki has daddy-issues. Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Myrsky! :)  
> And to y'all: Have a pissed Loki.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, the tension left Tony's body and he slumped back against the wall, eyes closed and exhaling a breath.

“Why did you show them the footage?”, Loki asked, his voice not exactly threatening, but still dangerously low.

“Because I needed it to convince them and, as you can see, it worked. Also I think that it could have been wo– _owpleasedontbreakthatIstillneedthatwrist_.” Loki stood in front of him, teeth bare, and had his hand turned in an angle Tony did not like at all. “Seriously, let me go, I just saved you and _Isaiddontbreakthatgoddammit_!”

The god took a deep breath and whirled around to step out of the opening doors, finding himself in the penthouse. Tony followed him, cursing quietly and rubbing his wrist. That guy had one hell of a grip.

Surprised he watched as Loki went straight to the bar, grabbed one of the bottles, a glass and poured himself a – oh, that bastard got his best scotch.

“I thought you didn't like that?”, the millionaire asked casually.

“I don't”, Loki agreed. A little confused, Tony joined him and took the bottle from his hand to prepare himself a drink.

“Why are you drinking it, then? Want some ice?” Loki shook his head.

“You know, Stark...”, he mumbled, staring at the liquid in his glass. “Maybe you should let them take me.”

“Maybe you shouldn't drink that much.”

“I haven't taken a sip yet. I am serious, Stark.” He let out a sigh, waving off any sentence Tony wanted to say, still not meeting his eyes. “There is no way the Other is _not_ going to come, and you cannot stand up against him. I...” He finally raised his head. “I am not even sure if you would want to after what I have...”

“Yeah, no, stop right there”, Tony interrupted and saw the god trying to object. “Nonono, I won't let you talk any more. Where's that Loki I know, huh? I mean, hey, self-doubt should not even be in your vocabulary. Since when do you even know things like that?”

Loki let out a laugh, pushed himself off of the counter and walked over to the window.

“It has _always_ been there”, he answered. “You know, Stark, it can be really difficult to grow up with someone like Thor. Being in his shadow because he is stronger, he is preferred by everybody and no one seems to see that he is, as much as I might or might not love him as my brother, _never_ ready to be a king because he is stubborn and hotheaded and would rather destroy another realm than negotiate any difficulties. And yet my father pins all his hopes on him – you might understand that, over the centuries, I grew frustrated. Started doubting myself. Yes, Stark, I _do_ know what self-doubt means, I always have known.” Loki stood with his back to Tony, the glass still in his hand.

“At least you had a father that loved you”, the millionaire muttered, slowly approaching him.

“He never _loved_ me”, Loki responded and spat the word like something disgusting he didn't want to soil his tongue with.

“He did”, Tony simply replied, now standing beside him.

“What do _you_ know, Stark?”, the god snapped.

“Oh, a lot. Thor's talking quite much about you.”

“So you think Thor's is unfailing? Do you think he _ever_ cared about seeing my side?”, he spat.

“Of course your father loves you. He would have sentenced you to death if not this, wouldn't he? Why don't you get into your stubborn head you're his son just as Thor is?”, the engineer growled, growing agitated.

“He does not. I am merely another stone in his game. Odin does not see me as a son, he...”

“Stop it! Just stop it! You know why you upset me, Loki?”, Tony asked, his voice growing louder. “Because _I_ didn't have a loving father or a caring mother, I never had a brother that was worried sick about me when I screwed something up, and what about you? You, Loki, you have all of it!” By now, he was yelling at the god who stared at him with his jaw clenched. “You have it, and what do you do?! You throw it away! You throw it into the wind, because you're stubborn, sulking, and being that arrogant son of a bitch you are...” That second, he was cut off.

“Do not”, Loki hissed, grabbing Tony by his throat and smashing his back against the window, “ _dare_ to insult my mother!” The glass he had been holding shattered on the floor and Tony gasped for air, flashbacks filling his head as he had a really horrible feeling of deja-vu.

“Don't”, he breathed. “Fine, I'm sorry, but... get... away... window... not again – Loki, don't...” His hands dug into the fabric of Loki's shirt as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to fight back the panic that sat in the corners of his mind, threatening to overwhelm him. Pictures of falling, of shattered glass all around him. “Not... the window. Loki, don't... anything stupid... stop it...” His vision blurred out and he heard himself utter incoherent words, pleas, because _fuck_ , why was this happening again?!

Suddenly he was released and collapsed on the floor, choking and at the same time trying to breathe and fight back the panic attack that almost had him in its grip. Only when the black spots in his vision began to vanish, he looked at Loki who stared at his hand almost unbelieving.

“Stark, I'm sorry, I did not mean to...”, he began.

“Leave”, Tony ordered. He was _so_ not able to deal with this right now.

“I promise I did not mean to hurt you, I would never...”

“ _Get out!_ ”, he shouted, although it hurt in his throat like hell. For another few seconds the god hesitated, but then he turned around and left for the elevator, leaving Tony who rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath and -

“Fuck.” That bastard had dropped him into the shards of the scotch glass.

 

~*~

 

Loki returned to his floor without any disturbance and closed the door to the sleeping room behind him before he dug his hands into his hair and took a deep, shuddering breath.

“Fine, you did it”, he eventually sighed and walked over to the bed, let himself fall onto the covers. “Now you have made me think. Great. Not like there was enough bothering me at the time. No, please, Stark, shatter my world view incidentally. No, no, I can handle it. It's fine. It's always fine. It's always been fine. Oh, see? You even make me talk to myself. Now this is just ridiculous.”

Growling, he rolled over and winced at the pain that went with almost every movement. He didn't want to think. Especially not about his bro- Thor, his not-parents and his not-family in general. Or were they his family again? He wanted them to, maybe, in some stupid corner of his mind. He just didn't want to think about it, not right now.

“I don't want to”, he mumbled into the pillow. He needed a distraction. Sleep wouldn't come, so he needed to do something else. For a brief moment, he considered searching for Stark, but seeing that the mortal was probably not on good odds with him right now – _and yet another thing you destroyed_ , the voice on the back of his head whispered. That finally made Loki groan and sit up.

“JARVIS?”, he addressed the ceiling.

“Yes, Mr Laufeyson?”

“Would you tell – no, first of all, could you call me Loki? It is... kind of unnerving.”

“As you wish, Loki.” Well, that sounded even more awkward, but he was also kind of glad he was not sorted and categorized as _Odinson_ , the good, or _Laufeyson_ , the bad. Just Loki. Just... Him, without a reference to his heritage. He needed it.

“Thank you”, he mumbled, sounding far too grateful. But, as Stark had said, JARVIS had no feelings, right? So he wouldn't judge him the way a human would. “So, could you tell me what humans spend their time with to occupy themselves?”

“At this time of night, _humans_ usually sleep”, the AI replied sounding a little bit amused.

“Tried that, did not work. Options?” He started to sound like Stark. He didn't even speak full sentences anymore.

“Maybe it would be a good suggestion to take a shower before you attend anything else.”

“What do you... _oh_.” Loki felt his cheeks burn with shame (he shouldn't react that way, should he?) and muttered: “That... might actually be a good idea. Thanks.”

With fast steps, he left the bedroom and looked at the doors in the hallway of his floor ( _his_ floor, it still sounded somewhat strange). He hadn't actually taken the time to look inside every room yet since he had assumed he would not be staying for long. Well, Stark seemed to expect him to do. Speaking of which...

“JARVIS?”, he asked hesitantly. “What is Stark up to at the moment?”

“Why would you want to know?”, the AI demanded. It sounded hostile, somewhat protective even, and the god doubted there were really _no_ feelings in it at all.

“Because I think I... troubled him before and... I merely want to know if he is well”, he admitted. “Do not tell him I asked, because he will most likely make the wrong assumptions."

“Sir is all right by now”, JARVIS replied, sounding a lot friendlier all of sudden, and Loki felt kind of nervous when the disembodied voice did _not_ confirm it would not tell Stark about his question.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone still alive out there? Or... reading? :D  
> Preview for the next chapter: Loki feels. Bad Loki feels.


	19. Five endless years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony asks Loki about his time with the Other. He gets more than he actually expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big Loki-hug to my beta Myrsky, you deserve it! :)

Clint, as well as Natasha, was rather surprised as they entered the kitchen the next morning. It was 6am and they were the first ones to be up, as usual – or at least that was what they thought. So both of them froze on the doorstep as they were confronted with the brightly lit kitchen and the smell of bacon and eggs originating from there.

Loki turned around, a pan in one hand, and his eyes widened slightly before he caught himself. With a small, but seemingly honest smile he offered: “Would you like to have breakfast?” He looked better than before, his hair silky from the shower he had taken just a couple of hours ago, less wrapped in bandages and the shadows under his eyes just a little bit fainter.

A few more seconds were spent in awkward silence before Natasha nodded and strolled over to the table. Clint followed with a muttered “It better be tasty, bastard” that didn't seem to bother Loki much.

When Steve joined them half an hour later, he found the two agents munching scrambled eggs with bacon and the god of mischief offering him a plate too. He accepted it, even if hesitant, and after a while Loki sat down on the table – positioning himself as far away from the others as possible, but he _sat_ and devoured his helping silently.

Of course he was aware they did not like having him here, but not being murdered was probably a good sign, wasn't it? The captain had even thanked him, although he seemed very fond of manners in general. Probably just an old habit.

 _Why do you even care, you fool?_ , he scolded himself. _You are supposed to lull them so they won't cause trouble. There is no reason to worry about whether they like you or not. It does not matter._

It hit him like a smack in the face when Loki realized it _did_. That he had had enough of being despised, shadowed by others, being mocked and hated for what he was, what he did, what he wanted.

 _But why would you want to make amends with the Avengers? It's stupid. There is no sense in it. You have finally gone mad, trickster god_ , the voice mocked. Since when was he hearing voices again?

If it only wasn't right. But he needed somebody – no, no, that was all wrong. He was not depending on anybody. He was a god, he did not need anybody to look after him. He...

“Loki? Are you all right?”

He winced at the sound of the captain's voice and only now he noticed that the hand holding the fork was cramped and he had buried his face in the other, panting and shivering all over.

“Yes, I...” Trying to catch his breath, he raised from his chair. “I just need... I... please take the pan off the stove.”

With that, Loki turned around and stormed out of the room.

~*~

Yawning, Tony stepped out of the elevator and headed for the kitchen on the common floor. He had awoken early by his standards, it was about 8am. A nightmare had jerked him awake from the couch he had fallen asleep on.

He heard voices even before he even entered the room and spotted Natasha, Clint and Steve when he did – and a pan on the stove.

“Ah, Captain Cook made breakfast. Awesome”, he mumbled, grabbed a plate and filled it with some of the scrambled eggs. Clint's comment he deliberately ignored (“I've never been good at history, but captain Cook had to do like nothing with cooking”). The room had fallen silent and he glanced at the others while stuffing his mouth full. “What?”, he asked after swallowing and sighed. “You're angry with me, right?”

“I didn't cook”, Steve suddenly said. Confused, Tony looked at his plate.

“Of course you did. Look, here's the plate. There are scrambled eggs. With bacon. Nobody but you does that. So you cooked. Are you okay, Cap?”

“No, I didn't.” Said captain pointed at a plate on the opposite end of the table, half a serving still on it. “Loki did.”

Tony nearly choked on his mouthful and took a while to recover, shoving the plate away with one hand.

“And you eat that?!”, he finally managed. “What if he poisons you all?!”

“You were the one who told us to trust him”, Natasha objected. “Besides, he ate it himself.”

“Yeah, right”, the millionaire mumbled. “Doesn't taste like Steve's too. Bit more spicy.” He looked at Loki's half-emptied plate again. “Where is he?”

“He ran off a while ago. Just in the middle of eating”, Clint explained. “Seemed like breathing was overstraining his brain all of sudden.”

Tony shot him a glare and groaned.

“JARVIS, where the hell is Loki?”, he asked.

“In his bedroom, Sir”, the AI replied.

“What is he doing?”

“It appears that he is punching the wall.”

“...What? Tell him to stop!”

A minute passed until JARVIS spoke again.

“He refuses.”

“Why did that take you so long?”

“Loki expressed in a little more... colourful way, Sir. His statement involved a lot of words in a language foreign to me, but judged by the intonation I assume he was swearing.”

Tony looked around and asked slowly: “Seriously, guys. What did you do?”

“Nothing!”, Steve defended himself. “He actually looked pretty good in the beginning. He cooked and offered me a plate without, you know, this taking-over-the-world-thing...”

“Kinda difficult if you only have a pan to do so”, Clint mumbled.

“...and then he just went nuts and disappeared. Although he told us to take the pan from the stove before.”

“...Yeah. I'm going to look after him now”, Tony stated and stood up, grabbed his plate and went towards the door, picking Loki's helping up on his way. “See ya.”

~*~

 _I don't need any of your pity. I don't need your help, I don't need your affection or something like your_ friendship _. I don't need your approval. I don't need_ you _, not a single one of you._

Loki kept hitting the wall in front of him with his bare fists, despite the pain that shot up his bruised shoulder and the re-opening cuts in his arms. He welcomed the agony more than the thoughts circling in his head, because he had learned to deal with pain well enough, but did never get his mind to shut up.

He didn't really like this silly way to work off his tension, but he was _not_ in the mood to deal with it in another way.

“Loki, what the fuck are you doing?”

He turned around, panting, to see Stark at the door with two plates in his hands.

“I... I am... none of your business.” He attempted to cross his arms in front of his chest, but winced at the burning pain in his bloody knuckles and groaned. The millionaire set the plates aside and hurried over to him, grabbing one of his wrists to look at the lacerations on his knuckles.

“What the fuck, Loki?”, he repeated. “If you want to punch something, we've got a gym. Leave my walls alone, you idiot.” Growling, he forced Loki to come along with a hand on his wrist.

“Stark, what are you... let go of me, you-”, he began, but the millionaire cut him off.

“Nope. I'm gonna treat that cause Bruce is still asleep. You're going to explain this and I'm not going to argue about it, so you can as well just shut up if you're just talking nonsense anyway.” Sighing, Loki followed the annoying mortal to the infirmary.

While they stood in the elevator, the god licked his lips nervously. Carefully he begun: “What director Fury said the other day...” He saw the engineer tense up, but he did nothing to keep him from talking, although his gaze was fixed at the numbers on the small screen on the wall that sunk constantly instead of meeting his eyes. “...was it true?”

There was really no doubt to it, but it was a subtle way to start the conversation. Stark could just say 'no' and the topic would be off, Loki would not dig deeper. For the moment.

But he didn't.

“I had nightmares before”, came the quiet answer. “But they got worse after the... New York incident. I barely sleep in the last months because I never really _stay_ asleep long. And when I do, it's more hurtful than refreshing.”

Loki nodded slowly and decided to push just a little further: “And about what I did last night –“

“Stop”, the millionaire interrupted immediately. “Just don't talk about it. I was unfair, you were just as unreasonable, but you didn't throw me out of the window so we're cool.” He had said all of this in one breath and took another, deep one now.

The god nodded. If he wanted, he would get better answers – he knew how to do such things – but for that he would have to be careful, gentle, patient. He didn't speak another word for now.

Down in the infirmary, Tony pushed him onto a seat and started to search for bandages, muttering curses under his breath. Finally, he turned around and soaked some cotton in a liquid that made Loki's nose sting and dabbed it onto the wounds.

“So, what did you think, huh?”, he asked. He didn't mention the short conversation from before at all.

“I just...”, a sharp hiss, “...needed to...”, a growl, “let off some – _ow_! That burns!”

“Your fault. Now stop whining.”

“I do not whine!”, the god protested while Tony started wrapping the first hand in bandages.

“Of course you don't. You wouldn't have to go through this if you hadn't abused my walls like that and I wouldn't have to listen to your _not-whining_.”

“There is not a scratch on your walls which is somewhat insulting to me – ow, _too tight_ , Stark! – but probably reassuring to you. Also, there would be no need to treat me. I have survived worse, although the medical facilities on Asgard are far more gentle than this.”

“Of course you need to be treated. Just look at you”, Stark responded, reaching for a second roll of bandages for the god's left hand, when he was suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.

Loki had risen from his seat and grabbed his wrist with one hand, the other one captured his chin in a firm grip and forced the millionaire to look up at him. He felt the smaller man's breath hitch and allowed a satisfied smile on his face.

“What makes you think I am in need of your help?”, he whispered, his face close to Stark's so he could feel his breath caress his skin – and oh, how he enjoyed the intimidated look in the mortal's wide eyes.

“You... seemed pretty helpless yesterday”, the millionaire responded, quiet but surprisingly stable, less teasing than stating. He angered Loki anyway.

With a sharp hiss he pulled him a little closer, twisting his wrist but didn't allow him to back away.

“Even if I did”, he breathed, “right now you are defenceless”, he forced Stark's head back so his throat was exposed and grinned at the sound the movement elicited from the other, “and cannot do anything about it.”

For a few seconds there was silence, then he suddenly let go, causing the millionaire to stumble backwards while Loki sat down in his chair again, displaying a smug little grin as he watched Stark release the breath he had been holding and gasp basically at the same time. He tried to grab a hold on a near table, but only tore down a tray laying on top of it and landed on the floor, a bottle of medicine hitting his forehead.

Groaning he shifted himself into a sitting position to glare daggers at the snickering god in front of him.

“What was _that_ for?! And now you're laughing at me”, Stark accused. “Why are you laughing at me?”

“I can't really help it, your performance was glorious”, Loki chuckled and then grimaced to gave a still-grinning moan: “I already got my punishment. Laughing hurts.”

“Serves you right”, the millionaire growled which didn't stop the god's amusement the least bit. Tony grabbed the second bandage and cleared his throat, obviously determined not to look nervous (and failing marvellously at it).

Loki loved how easily mortals became intimidated. He continuously smiled at Stark in a teasing manner while getting his hand treated. Surprising how much his mood had improved since he was there. Maybe he had a little positive effect on him.

After another minute his bruises were fully covered by white fabric, but the mortal did not let his hand go, but stared at his pale fingers that he still held in his own, kneeling in front of Loki's chair. The gesture confused him, he didn't know what exactly to think about it – Midgardian traditions were still foreign to him in so many ways, but this just did not seem like something Stark would usually do.

“What happened back there?”, the engineer asked quietly. Ah. The question had been bound to be posed eventually. Today just seemed like a day for the very uncomfortable questions.

“A lot”, Loki answered, mostly to win some time while he thought over how much he should tell Stark or if he should tell him anything at all. He surely wasn't going to let him get away without his curiosity satisfied, but how much would it need satisfy it? “Five years are plenty of time.”

The millionaire's head snapped up and he stared at him with wide eyes as he repeated:

“ _Five years?!_ Loki, you were gone for a _week_ at most.” The god nodded slowly.

“I noticed that your time had passed differently, but given that the Other had managed to find a place where not even Heimdall was able to track me, I assume it is not too surprising that time passed different from your measure.” He paused a moment, thinking. “If I am right, that is not even unique. It is barely noticeable, but on Asgard time passes slightly slower than on Midgard. It is just a matter of minutes or even seconds, but the effect can be increased. Believe me, I have experienced it.” He forced out a weak smile.

“Makes sense”, the engineer muttered. “Nah, actually not, but I never liked the freaky Asgardian stuff anyway. Still doesn't answer my question though.” Persistent pest.

“What do you want to know?”, Loki sighed and caught himself searching for something to hold on, to ground himself. He was not going to like what was following and could already feel the nausea twist his stomach, making him wish he hadn't had breakfast.

“Anything you can tell me”, the other replied with something resembling a shrug. “I don't mean to force you, but maybe... I don't know, maybe it helps.” He met the god's eyes with pure honesty and grinned. “Also, if that guy shows up again, I wanna know how hard I have to kick his ass.”

Loki smiled faintly before he took a deep breath and began to speak, barely over a whisper: “They... _He_ took me apart. He tested my limits, searched for the things that would affect me the most, not only physically, but also mentally. I cannot really think of anything he did not do.” A grin cracked his face, mirthless, more hysterical than anything else and he felt his breath speed up. “He used _everything_ – whips, blades – all kind of knifes, a really fascinating collection, you should have seen the barbed ones.”

Now he sounded _really_ hysterical and probably looked like a madman with a grin spreading on his face, but he couldn't – didn't _want_ to help it, because he knew, if he did not laugh, he would either scream or lose his composure entirely and start to cry. Not acceptable.

“Fire”, he continued, almost laughing. “He used fire too. And he used to break – would you please _not_ do that, Stark?” The engineer looked up at him and then seemed to notice he was gripping Loki's hand tightly (which would usually not affect the god, but pressure on the fresh lacerations was nothing he would ask for anyway).

“Sorry”, the mortal breathed and loosened his grasp. “I just... god, I so wanna get that bastard in my hands.”

“I don't think that would be a good idea”, Loki replied, still grinning. “Just look at me. I am not even referring to my body, but to my mind. I used to talk to myself at some point, even when He had my lips sewn shut.” The memory made him shudder, and he noticed the hysteria was gone, his manic smile faded, and had only left the cold, hollow memory of pain he could still feel when he moved or even spoke. “The seam was removed every few weeks, he could not let me starve after all – I don't even want to know what he fed me with.”

He took a deep breath and noticed he was clinging to Stark's hand, but when he had the choice between the complete loss of grounding in the reality and humiliation, he would choose the latter.

“The worst part of it was...” His throat constricted painfully and he heard the mortal trying to reassure him.

“You don't have to go on, Lokes”, he said. “I probably shouldn't even have asked, but...” Loki shook his head.

“It was not only _physically_ ”, he whispered. He had to force the words out, but now he wanted them out of his head so badly. “He told me I would beg for something as sweet as pain, and I did.” He took a shaky breath. “He... He invaded my mind and created illusions and... I, I can deal with trickery, better than anyone, and in the beginning I was still able to tell his illusions from reality, but somewhere down the line, I lost this connection and...” Tears burned in his eyes and blurred his vision.

“Calm down, Loki”, Stark whispered, pulling him off of his chair to the ground where he sat and made the god straddle his lap so he could wrap his arms around him. Loki rested his head on the mortal's shoulder so the other wouldn't see his face.

“He made me believe what I saw, and it was so vivid, so close... I saw him torturing my mother, Thor, my _children_.” A strangled sob escaped his throat and he clung to the engineer because he needed the grounding he gave him so he didn't get lost in his memories. “I _begged_ him to take _me_ again, I couldn't bare watching how he punished my family for my mistakes, but of course he would not listen...”

“Hush, Lokes”, the millionaire muttered into his ear, but Loki was not ready to be calm yet again.

“I was ready to do _anything_ , Stark”, he whispered, and now he felt the tears escaping his eyes and squeezed them shut as he continued. “I would have obeyed his every command if he had told me I would never have to go through _that_ again, although I know his word meant nothing, I would have been willing to take the chance.” Another sob cut him off and he had to take a few deep, steadying breaths to continue. “If he had told me to try conquering Midgard again, I would have done it. I would have killed, I would have killed you if that would have been what he demanded, just so he would not have a reason to do it again.”

“Shh, Lokes, it's okay”, Stark mumbled.

“It is _not_ ”, he breathed. “Are you even listening? I would have _killed_ you, Stark.”

“I was short from killing you when I found you at that forest”, the engineer responded. “But I didn't, and you didn't kill me, right?”

“That is not the point, you fool!”, Loki hissed, but with his voice subdued from tears he didn't sound half as threatening as he would like. “Now I am here, and he did not send me with a command, and that means he will be coming back and it is going to start all over again, but he will not be content with just taking me, he is going to draw you into it and the others and it will be _my_ fault, because I am too weak to–“

“Shush, Lokes, nothing of this is your fault”, the millionaire interrupted. “I mean, it was your dad who took your powers in the first place, right? So it's _his_ fault you couldn't defend yourself and we are in this situation now.” The god huffed against his shoulder.

“Yes, and _that_ happened because I invaded Midgard to escape _Him_ the first time.” Stark seized his shoulders and pushed him back a little so he could look at him and Loki noticed his frown.

“Explain?”, he half asked, half demanded. The god sighed and thought of the events that were almost eight years ago for him now before he answered.

“Back on Asgard, before I came here, I tried to kill myself”, he replied eventually and felt the mortal wince. He saw him open his mouth, but raised a hand to silence him. If he was interrupted now, he was not sure he would be able to continue. “I fell into the void, into _nothing_. You saw it once, right?” The millionaire nodded slowly. “For how long? A few seconds?” He didn't wait for a response. “I was falling for over a year before He found me.”

Stark gasped and pulled him close again, almost crushing his nose as his head hit the engineer's shoulder and Loki was not entirely sure if it was to ground _him_ or if the engineer needed something to hold on to himself.

“Back then”, he continued slightly muffled by the fabric of the shirt he was speaking into, “He found me. I thought there could be nothing worse than the void, but I was proven wrong.”

“W-wait”, the engineer interrupted. “So that wasn't even your decision in the first place?” Loki shook his head slightly.

“Of course I made it look like it, I could not give Him away after all. But no, it was not my decision. The only _decision_ I made in this whole mess was to _die_ and as you can see, not even that turned out as I wanted it.” He couldn't quite bring himself to feel angry, no matter how much he wanted it – there was only the numbing pain that made his limbs shake and show his insecurities, his fears to Stark.

As if he had heard his thoughts, the engineer's grip tightened and Loki breathed in deep to calm himself, inhaling the mortal's smell deeply, and was grateful he didn't dig deeper but stayed in a comfortable, reassuring silence for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, maybe this turned out a little bit darker than I thought it would. I promise it'll get better in the next chapters... Probably...
> 
> Please leave an opinion, I'm really not sure about this chapter. Ehee ^^"


	20. Accommodation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little time slip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I'm a little busy at the moment, but I'll try to keep it up^^  
> Thanks to my beta Myrsky! :)

After the little incident in the infirmary, they went on. Both Loki and Tony acted as if it hadn't happened while they got back to the god's room after he had calmed down.

“Wait a sec”, the millionaire said when Loki picked up the plate with his breakfast from the commode. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Up in the kitchen”, the god replied with his mouth full.

“No, I mean before that.”

He stilled and was quiet for a few seconds before he shrugged. “I do not remember”, he answered and Tony buried his face in his hands.

“Damn, I've got you here for almost two days and when you wake up, I offer you a _glass of water_ ”, he groaned. “Fuck genius brain, I should've thought of that.”

The prince waved it off as he replied: “Leave it. You were in no good state when I found you up on the roof”, and fortunately he didn't go into the topic further, “and it would have been no good if I had eaten while I still had inner injuries.” Right, Bruce had mentioned that.

“So... they're gone now?” That wasn't really possible, was it?

“Not quite, but I heal faster than you mortals. It is better”, Loki explained shortly before he returned his attention to the scrambled eggs.

 

~*~  Here. Have a time leap. ~*~

 

It was Sunday morning (well, 11am – early enough for Tony) and the Avengers Tower was quiet, the villains seemed to have decided to rest for a day while the whole team sat on the kitchen table, eating pancakes that had been made by Loki. The god turned out to love cooking even if he had never done in Asgard because it was considered a task for women. Anyway, he had been doing it during the two weeks he had been here now, and even Thor was clever enough to keep his mouth shut about it.

“Joke's on them”, Steve hummed around a mouthful of pancake. “They don't know what they miss when they keep you from feeding them.”

Chuckling, Loki sat down with his own table. Although he still felt a little strange around the Avengers, he was surprised by how he mostly got along with them so well. After thinking about it he had come to a conclusion; he should get on better terms with them so he had started to build up the contact slowly.

He looked over Roger's shoulder when he was drawing, asking questions or giving a (honest) praise (once he had caught the captain while working on a sketch of _him_ , with his eyes staring into the emptiness beyond the paper, not exactly anxious, but... anticipating – he had decided not to comment on it).

Romanov and Clint, even if they both still held a little grudge against him, made him join them during workouts – careful not to harm his still recovering body, but building him up again slowly (and maybe working away some anger). He was fine with that, really – the two were a real challenge in his current, weakened state.

He was not durable enough for workouts with Thor, though. Instead, he joined him now and then, exchanging a few words – not becoming too attached to him, but not meeting him with the usual denial and anger either. Not anymore. It had grown tiring over the past eight years – even if it had only been three for Thor.

Every day he spent about an hour either at the infirmary or at the laboratory of Banner who checked him over, renewed bandages and chatting with him after they had overcome the awkward ness that had been present during the first two or three days, both of them asking questions about each other's world. The god was surprised by the calm, soothing character of the doctor, and when he had mentioned it casually in a slightly mocking comment, he had only received a small smile that seemed to hide much more than he could see.

Stark was a case of his own. The mortal fascinated Loki, having so little and yet so big things in common with him, and sometimes he would just come down to his workshop and sit there silently, watching him even if not always really understanding what he was doing. Both of them didn't like going to sleep until it was desperately needed so they spent some nights down there, talking about everything that came to their minds.

Loki did take time to be alone, though. Just reading a book or thinking, staring at the ceiling of his room for hours. He had grown fond of the Avengers in in such a short time that it scared him, it was strange how fast he had come to enjoy meaningless talks and taking meals together. It felt so... _normal_ that it was intimidating.

There were times he stopped in the middle of a sentence, of a laugh, when he remembered he wasn't supposed to be _happy_ here. When the worried glances of the others met him, he reminded himself he should be preparing for the Other's arrival which would come, sooner or later, but he found himself feeling so content where he was (shielded by the earth's mightiest heroes – he wouldn't find a better place to hide anyway) that he was satisfied by just doing his daily workouts and actually relaying on the Avengers to be there when he needed them.

“See? Now you have gone insane”, he mumbled smiling.

“Wha- hey! I'm perfectly fine!”, Clint protested and Loki realized he was still at the kitchen table, devouring a pancake.

“I... actually did not talk to you”, he grinned. “But it's good to see you feel addressed as soon as someone says 'insane'”.

“That—I just... yeah, I guessed I walked right into this one, didn't I?”, the archer mumbled and poured a ridiculous amount of syrup on his breakfast. “Too early for this shit”, he grumbled while chewing.

“I think we should get out today”, Natasha announced.

“But it's all cold and snow and freezy out there!”, Stark whined and rubbed his arms in a demonstrative manner.

“That's why. We can go ice skating”, the spy suggested.

“Oh, c'mon, nobody here _can_ even ice skate”, he growled. “Or am I wrong? Any of you can, huh?”

All hands except Thor's went up and Tony looked around, completely flabbergasted.

“S-seriously? You... _Lokes?_ ” Loki shrugged and ignored the surprised look of his brother. Yes, it was a woman's sport. What about it? That was what _Asgardians_ thought and Asgardian manners were stupid in so many ways he could probably not count them. He folded his arms in front of his chest and met Thor's glare, stubborn and not looking away and, as usual, he won.

Smiling he returned to his pancake and offered: “Stark, there is always the opportunity to sit nearby and build snowmen if you don't dare to try it yourself.” That worked.

“Of course I can ice skate!”, the millionaire growled. “I can fly in a god damn suit, then I'll be able to handle a pair of shoes with blades, too.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

Apparently, he couldn't.

“Why can't that fucking ice be a little less fucking slippery, for fucking fuck's sake!”, Tony cursed as he slid over the iced surface of the sea on his backside. Loki followed with long, skilful steps, grinning at him.

“This can't possibly be harder than handling a suit, can it?”, the god mocked.

“Shut up and help me up, Elsa”, Tony growled. Loki frowned, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“You know, Stark, my name is not _that_ difficult. I am surprised, really – you are the only person who can make four spelling mistakes in a word with four letters.” He chuckled. “But if you do something, you do it right, huh?”

“My ass is freezing off”, the millionaire stated.

“Thank you for this valuable information.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Seriously. _Help me up_ ”, he demanded and finally, the god gave in and pulled him up again.

“You are helpless, really. No, no, stay here. Take my hands.”

“Uhm, yeah, no”, Tony responded. “I'm not going all touchy-feely with you.” Now it was Loki's turn to roll his eyes.

“I don't want to go _touchy-feely_ on you in the middle of a lake, I want to prevent you from ruining your trousers by using them as a sleigh”, Loki groaned and caused the other man to blink. _In the middle of a lake_. But somewhere else, perhaps?

Clearing his throat, he pushed the thought away and took the god's outstretched hands. He was wearing the clothes Tony had bought him, a dark green coat and skinny, black jeans, together with a black hat of wool and dark gloves. He had ordered these colours mostly because they just seemed to suit Loki best.

Slowly, Loki began to slide backwards while he instructed: “Just keep your balance, I'll keep up the movement. Your feet have to stay parallel, just like that. See, it is not that difficult. You will manage.” Tony refused to look at the rest of the team, especially Clint, who was probably giggling like a school girl right now. Instead he focussed on the god in front of him, when he suddenly _heard_ Clint. Only he wasn't giggling.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! Tony, out of the way, get out of the –”

The next second the millionaire was knocked off his feet by an impact hitting his side, pushing the air out of his lungs. As he hit the ground again, he slid over the ice which made really disturbing cracking noises.

Groaning, he tried to get up again as something landed beside him. He looked up to find himself confronted with a Doombot, then looked down on the ice again, back to the Doombot, the Doombot's feet, heated up because of the repulsors it used for flying-

“Uh, no, buddy. Bad idea.”

Then the surface broke in and he felt himself surrounded by icy water.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *VALUABLE INFORMATION RIGHT HERE*  
> So, now I've got your attention ^.^ Part three of the "Insomnia"-series is "Making Amends". These are little one-shots that might or might not (seriously, they will) be important to understand later chapters, especially the final ones we're slowly (very slowly) getting to.  
> Currently up are Steve, Clint and Natasha, I'll keep you up to date right here. Next one is Tony. ^.^
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhanger! :D


	21. Ice and Frost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony does not drown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Myrsky to make things... um... readable :p (Yes, I hereby decide this word exists.)

The water felt like a belt of iron closing around his chest. Tony pressed an already numbing hand over his mouth and nose to stop the air from escaping while trying to get back to the surface, fighting back a panic attack because of the cold, this cold and the darkness down in the water and the light blue glow in the ice and – why was it so _cold_? His lungs burned and froze at the same time, the heavy ice skates were pulling him down and suddenly the light from the opening in the ice was blocked out by something black moving towards him.

_Fuckfuckfuck fucking DoomBots damn it..._

The air started moving upwards in little bubbles as he couldn't stand the pain of holding it in any more and Tony was just about to let the water in when something grabbed his hair and yanked his head back. Surprised he opened his mouth, noticing too late that it was a mistake, as suddenly lips were pressed onto his, not leaving a gap, and the oxygen he needed so desperately was provided by a short breath blown into him.

He couldn't see who the other one was because of the blackness filling his vision, but he held on to him with a firm grip as he swam upwards with forceful strokes until they finally, _finally_ reached the surface, the cold air cutting his skin as he gasped for air and tried not to choke on the water dripping down his nose and mouth at the same time.

Next to him he heard someone cough, someone who still held him by the back of his shirt.

“Stark, we're not done yet”, Loki groaned through gritted teeth, sounding as if in serious pain. “You must lay down”, another cough, “onto the ice. Do you hear me?”

Tony nodded and ignored the ache that was _everywhere_ while he held on to the rim of the ice, pulling himself up as it suddenly cracked in, causing him to gasp and grab the nearest bit. This time he managed to get onto the surface flat on his stomach (although his fingers felt as if they were about to fall off. His toes also. And his lower legs. _And_ his _everything._ Yeah, not good).

Slowly he turned and stretched a hand out, reaching for Loki who took it and finally they were both on the ice, crawling a few metres before Tony dared to get onto his feet and-

“F-fuck, there is n-no way I-I-I can stand on the...these things when I don't fe-feel my feet”, he stammered, shivering all over.

“Endure it”, the god growled. A glare to his feet made the millionaire notice _he_ had pulled his skates off before jumping after him. “I am going to support you.”

Uh, wait a moment. His feet. That didn't look healthy. Loki had jumped after him. Into icy water. To rescue him.

“Lo-lo-loki?”, Tony stammered. “I – I think you g-g-got fro-frostbite.”

“Frostbite?” The prince looked at him out of bright, red eyes which widened suddenly as he looked at his light blue hand. He said something in a language foreign to Tony, but judging by his tone he assumed he was swearing. “Just _don't_ talk”, he hissed. Okay. He would be stuttering anyway.

Shivering, he let the god guide him, trying to put as little weight on him as possible, and _hell_ he was grateful when he saw that Steve and Thor had waited for them halfway to the shore (and _didn't_ comment on Loki's looks, thank god). Steve just lifted Tony off his feet to carry him back to the others in bridal style, the thunder god probably attempting to do the same with his brother. Only that he was on his feet and didn't ice skate like the Captain and – yeah, probably it would even have been funny if he wouldn't be _hurting_ so much.

On the shore, Bruce wrapped them both in blankets and shoved them in the direction of the helicopter they had used to reach the lake, far away from civilisation. Peaceful. Or maybe not.

“D-doom?”, Tony managed through his clattering teeth.

“Gone”, the doctor replied, his voice growling and dangerously low. “Five bots, they took off when you broke in. Seems to be Doom's idea of a Christmas present.” They entered the helicopter and Tony slumped into a seat, exhausted and his teeth clenched together while he shivered. It was not only from the cold - no, there were memories and images dancing around in his head that he would very much like to forget.

_Cold water, caves, no air to fill his lungs, hands holding him down..._

“Hey, don't fall asleep here.” Steve shook his shoulder.  _Fuck you, I'm not falling asleep, I'm panicking. Not everyone with closed eyes is sleeping, Stevie-boy_ , Tony did not say, although he muttered under his breath. Actually, the Captain's annoying presence was a welcome distraction as he kept talking: “You need to get into something dry. Thor, take care of Loki. And Tasha, you get the spare clothing.”

“Get up, Tony”, Bruce ordered. Hell, they were _all_ ordering him around. Groaning, Tony opened his eyes and got up from the seat still trembling. The doctor pulled at the blanket and shot him a glare as he clung onto it.

“I don't wa-wanna drop the bl-blanket”, he whined. “I'm _freezing_!”

“You'll be freezing more if you don't get fresh clothing, so stop being a crybaby and strip”, Natasha growled. Despite him being cold and tired and sort of panicking, the millionaire still managed to give her a grin. “Not a word”, she threatened and Tony sighed.

“Fine”, he managed (without stuttering!), dropped the blanket and started to peel off his soaked and _fucking cold_ clothes, immediately snatching the blanket from Bruce and wrapping it around his shoulders once his shirt was off so his arms wouldn't entirely freeze off while he was undoing the rest.

Finally he was in fresh ( _dry!_ ) clothing again and looked over to Loki who was still struggling to close the bottom of his black jeans with his trembling fingers (“No, Thor, you are _not_ doing this! I am an adult, you know?”). The way it contrasted with his blue skin should be forbidden.

“Loki, you are –“, Thor started, but his younger brother cut him off.

“I _know_!”, he snarled. “Just imagine, I figured that.” The red eyes made him look even more dangerous than usual and the scars on his lips were much more obvious on the blue, standing out as thin white lines. “Just _shut up_!” Jesus, he was pissed.

“There is no need for you to be ashamed”, the thunderer reassured. “I am sure our frie–“

“Would you _stop_ it?”, the younger god snarled, almost shouted. “I don't care what your _friends_ think”, and now they were just Thor's friends?, “and I care even less what _you_ think, so just _shut_ your mouth!” He treated the buttons of his shirt with so much hate that anyone could think they were at fault for everything bad in the world.

“And what are _you_ looking at?”, he hissed, noticing Tony's gaze.

“You”, the engineer answered plainly. That actually stopped the other dead in his tracks for a moment.

“Rethorical question, Stark”, he eventually remarked, rolling his eyes. He closed the last button and dropped himself onto one of the seats. He still looked like he was about to kill somebody, but his skin faded into its normal colour again. At least something. “Would you stop staring now?”

“Hey, you don't get to see a shirtless god everyday”, the millionaire responded bluntly. This time, Loki only blinked at him. “Oh, c'mon, you look hot. Even _Clint_ is staring at you.”

“What the hell, Tony?!”, the agent blurted out. “In case you forgot it, I'm _straight_!”

“Nah, I would doubt that lately, judging from that day where...”

“ _Tony_!”, Clint cried out. His ears were burning red.

“Oh no you didn't”, Natasha mumbled.

“God damn it, Loki”, the archer groaned. “You should have let him drown in that fucking lake.”

 

~*~

 

When they arrived back at Stark Tower, Loki was still pale and had started to tremble. He had blocked out every question directed at him, never dignifying anything with more than a snarl or a hiss as answer and staring at his hands for the whole ride while they slowly turned white again.

“I shall go and warm myself up”, he excused himself, not looking at anyone, while he undid his seat belts as they landed. After a few seconds he was out of the helicopter.

“Hey, Lokes!”, Tony called after him and the god turned around, his hands curled up to fists on his sides. “Thanks, I guess.” He didn't get an answer.

Steve chimed in: “Stay up in the penthouse, I'll make hot chocolate for everyone, that'll help.”

Loki just shook his head, spun on his heel and literally ran inside. This couldn't just be sulking because they had seen him all blue, right? Something was wrong with him. He couldn't be _this_ unnerved, right?

Something about his behaviour made Tony _very_ uncomfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you are.  
> By the way, Tony's part of "Making Amends" is up, so you might want to drop by. I swear I didn't mean for it to get that fluffy.


	22. Close Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony needs to talk to Loki, obviously. He is surprised by how it comes to it, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, this didn't turn out the way I wanted. (Actually, it was supposed to be a filler, damn it, but I can't seem to keep these two in check.)  
> Thanks to Myrsky anyway, she's an awesome beta. ;)

“So... Thor? I think you've got some explaining to do.”

The Norse god sighed as he met Tony's eyes. Tony glanced at him over his steaming hot chocolate. The Avengers – sans Loki – were gathered in the living room of the common floor and Steve had brewed some cocoa for everyone. Tony was specially appreciative of it, as he was starting to feel his fingers again.

“Yes”, Thor said. “I did tell you my... brother was adopted”, he hesitated for a brief moment and took a sip out of his mug, “but there is more to it. Loki belongs not only to another family, but to another race. He is very... sensitive about it.”

“And why?”, Tony asked. The thunderer looked at him as if he had just demanded to know why you shouldn't kick a puppy. “Hey, I don't get it, really. Where's the difference if you're one alien race or another? I'm just a clueless mortal, enlighten me.”

“Loki is a frost giant. A Jotun”, the god replied. As if that'd explain everything.

“Again, Point Break, I don't get it”, Tony said. “Start from base zero. What's so bad about frost giants? That they're blue? That can't be the thing, right?”

“No, it is not.” Thor cleared his throat. “The Jotnar...”

“The Jotnar are monsters.” The whole group turned their heads towards the doorway where Loki stood, his hair damp and almost steaming like it would be after a way too hot shower. He was wearing fresh jeans and a black shirt. “They are heartless murderers, they are the threat parents warn their children about when they do not behave.” He started to make his way to the Avengers, his face a mask that was so perfect it was obviously fake. “They are the most despicable race in all the nine realms.”

“Loki –“ Thor attempted to say something, but his younger brother stilled him by a sharp movement of his hand.

“Do not even _start_ , Thor”, he hissed. “Is that not what you wanted to say? I _know_ you, I _know_ you agree, I _know_ how many of them you have slaughtered already and I know you would be happy to kill some more to clear all the realms' air from their shameful existence, don't you _dare_ deny it! I can tell you are lying, I can tell how much you despise them, you told me _yourself_ so often there is no way I could not know it. Look at me, look into my eyes and tell me I am lying.”

The god of thunder suddenly looked very subdued, but still, he raised his voice to answer: “That does not make you any less of my –“

“Don't you _dare_ to call me your brother!” Thor cringed in his armchair while Tony just watched them. Hadn't they been over the whole I'm-not-your-brother-thing already?

Loki stood in front of the group, his fists trembling at his sides. If he loathed the topic so much, why was he even there?

As if he had heard his thoughts, the god turned towards him and declared: “Stark, I need to speak to you.” With a glance to the team he added: “ _Alone_ .”

Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and walked out again, leaving the room in a tense silence. Just to break it, Tony cleared his throat and stood up, the mug still clasped in both hands.

“Well, I'll... better not keep him waiting, right?”, he muttered and waved a little apologetic at his team members before he hurried out into the hallway. The elevator at the other side of it was still open, Loki was waiting inside, and so the engineer slipped in hastily. The god didn't really acknowledge his presence while the doors closed and while they moved down to his storey, his eyes were fixed at the wall.

The silence remained when they stepped out of the cabin, Loki leading the way to his living room immediately. He stayed silent when he waved Tony inside, he stayed silent when he followed him, he stayed silent when he closed the door, and then he stayed silent for a few more seconds when he stood inside, just staring at the engineer.

Then, he buried his face in his hands and slumped with his back against the door.

“Gods, Stark”, he breathed, his voice wavering. Tony was at his side just a second later, grabbing one of his wrists lightly.

“Lokes, are you okay?”, he asked, trying to keep the confusion out of his voice. He had seen that the god was distressed, and he had decided pretty fast that they would have to talk about this whole thing, but he had wanted to give Loki some time. He definitely had not expected him to come by himself. “Look, it doesn't matter to anyone here if you're...”

The prince just shook his head, his face still hidden behind his hands, and forced out: “It's not about my heritage. There is nothing to  _talk_ about at that.” Oh, there  _was_ , quite obviously, but Tony was going to interrupt him just now. “Stark, I think He is... He is coming. He is near, I just know it, and He...”

Tony hurriedly set down the mug on a nearby shelf and pulled Loki's wrists down.

“Hey, Lokes. Shht. Look at me. Breathe. Calm down.” The god took a deep breath and met the other's eyes with a look full of panic. “How do you know that?”

“I just _know_ , I can't explain it, it is just...” He breathed in and out slowly, letting his head fall back against the door with his eyes closed. “I don't know. But... you made me promise I would come to you when I was afraid, so here I am.”

Wait a second, what?

_Tell me you're okay and promise me you won't be scared any more. And if you are, come to me. Promise?_

Right. That.

"Whoa."

"What?"

"I - I, honestly, I didn't think you'd take that so seriously", Tony stuttered.

"You are free to leave if you wish", the prince snapped sharply and glared at the other out of piercing blue eyes.

"No, no, that's not the thing!", the engineer assured hastily. "I just - I said that to comfort you, not to force you to anything. So, I mean, if you don't want to talk, I won't make you. Although, of course, I want to know what's going..."

"Stark, hush", the god said and at least, he was laughing a bit now. "I would like you to stay." Tony smiled in relief and nodded towards the couch.

When they both sat, Loki took a deep breath.

"It is... I can feel him. Somehow. I cannot explain it to you since you are not educated in the ways of magic, but it is... sort of like a pressure, something on the edge of my mind that tells me he is there." Loki, who was usually so good with words, had run out of them. "I just know it."

"So that's what you think." Tony extended his hands and clasped both of the god's between them. "You want to know what I think?" Loki looked at his hands first, then into the engineer's eyes and Tony took his silence as permission to continue. "I think you're stressed because this whole blue-y thing earlier and you're imagining things. With which I don't want to say I don't take you seriously, but really, I think you should calm down before you try to judge the situation. The whole frosty-thing upset you quite a bit."

The god snorted.

"It did not  _upset_ me", he snapped, but he avoided the engineer's eyes to stare at their joined hands. "I merely... did not wish for anyone to see me like that."

"Why?", Tony asked. The response was a you-didn't-really-just-ask-this-did-you-glare à la Loki. "No, seriously. Why? Remember, I'm just a stupid mortal, enlighten me."

"I think I just explained it upstairs", the prince said stiffly.

"No", Tony replied firmly, "you said what Thor thinks, what the Asgardians think. You didn't say what  _you_ think." The god sighed.

"You know, Stark, I was  _raised_ among these Asgardians. With Thor. I don't usually agree with them, but at this point, in fact, I do.  _This_ ", he raised a hand and Tony watched fascinated as it turned blue, thin black lines rising on its skin, "is disgusting.  _I_ am disgusting."

"You know, if I'd be a bit more suicidal than I actually am, I'd slap you for that. But since I would probably break my hand rather than hurt you, just, um, feel slapped, would you?" Loki stared at him as though he had completely lost his mind now. "What I'm trying to tell you is that you're talking nonsene", the engineer clarified.

"Am I?", the god asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Then pray tell, Stark, what would you say in my position?"

"Well, I guess..." Tony hesitated and tried to find the words for what he wanted to tell the other. "See, you're not defined by what others think about you, right? I mean, I know it sounds cliché, but don't let them judge you. You're not what they make you."

"They did not make me, Stark", the god sighed. "I  _am_ a Jotun, I have always been."

"That's not what I -"

"You cannot change that, and me neither. I am a monster, and I am of no good for those around me."

"You're good for  _me_ ", Tony blurted out. The prince stared at him and he sighed. Now how should he explain  _that_ ? "I mean, since you're here, I... I'm more stable. I'm a mess, Lokes, but you're changing me. I'm still far away from perfect, but at least, for example, I'm eating regularly. Taking more care of myself. I'm doing more with the rest of the team, including you. Small things, I know, but I like to think I'm on the right way." He gave the Loki's hand that was still in his grasp a gentle squeeze. "And that's because of you."

"Charming, Stark. But..."

"No, hold on. I'm not finished yet. Nobody here cares if you're considered a  _monster_ ", Tony let the word sound as silly as possible, as if he was talking about pink unicorns, "by some strange alien space vikings, because we  _all_ are flawed one way or another. They..." He cleared his throat and looked down at Loki's hand in his. "They used to refer to me as the Merchant of Death, you know. Natasha and Clint are assassins, that's enough of a description, right? Steve's a soldier. Bruce is - oh, come on, I don't even need to explain that to  _you_ . And Thor well, you know him better than I do."

"Yes, but..."

"Would you  _stop_ with the buts?!" The engineer groaned. "For heaven's sake, Lokes, what I'm trying to tell you is that it's  _you_ who's got the choice of what you want to be, not your heritage or anything else. And even  _if_ you already did wrong in the past, it's never too late to start over again. And again, if it's necessary."

Loki exhaled a breath and some of the tension left his body as he slumped forward. Without really thinking about it, Tony pulled him over so the god ended up straddling his lap and pulled him close. He heard him sigh, but there were no complaints as Loki wrapped his arms around him and rested his head against the other's shoulder.

For a brief moment, Tony was afraid he could start crying again, but he just stayed there, silent and breathing calmly. The water from his still damp hair slowly soaked the fabric of the engineer's shirt, but he hardly noticed.

He hadn't made up what he had said to Loki. He hadn't quite thought about it himself, but since he had somebody to take care of, he was more aware of himself, too. He didn't consider himself a role model, but when he told Loki to be careful about himself, he couldn't really do the opposite, right?

Surprised, he noticed he liked holding Loki like this. It made him feel content, even if he was the one who was actually consoling the other. He liked making the god feel safe because he liked being around him when he was relaxed, laughing, smiling. Smiling  _honestly_ , not all that teeth and sneering when he first arrived on earth. It made him feel like he was worth something. Even if he wasn't able to manage his own life at all times, he could help someone else to do so. And maybe, someday day he would start working on his own insecurities. Someday.

He breathed in deeply, the rich smell of winter morning with a little bit of shampoo and leather (although he hardly wore any these days it was still present) that was  _Loki._ Yes, as much as he wished for him to be safe and not in need of someone to protect, to comfort him, Tony enjoyed these close moments. Maybe they'd be able to have them without one of them being scared or hurt, someday.

So many things that could be, someday.

Loki pulled away, not fully breaking contact and still resting his arms on the engineer's shoulders. He looked tired and exhausted, also in some way subdued, like a child that had been proven wrong in its assumptions of the great nature of the universe or something.

"I suppose I should think about that again when I am more calm", he said quietly, his breath ghosting over Tony's skin.

"Yes, you should", the millionaire replied, barely above a whisper. His hands that had laid on the other's shoulders slid down slowly, wandered down the soft fabric of the shirt, until they came to a halt on the small of the god's back. Loki shivered at the touch, just slightly but too much to go unnoticed. He leant forward until his forehead touched the engineer's and Tony had to fight for his breath staying even. He didn't fully manage.

Staring into Loki's eyes, blue and light like winter sky, Tony considered leaning in, just _doing_ it, like he normally did things, but he found himself unsure. Which was unsual, _very_ unusual, seeing he was, well, Tony Stark.

But more than he wanted to kiss Loki right now (because damn, he really wanted that) he wanted to do this right. Not screwing it up. Because when he had been here the first time (not counting that day where he had thrown him out of a window), Loki had been right with something: He wasn't one for long, romantic relationships.  _Not able to stand the women for more than one night_ , that was how he had put it, right?

And, oh, there was his rational mind again, _when had he gotten to the point where he wanted to kiss Loki?!_

“Lokes”, he breathed, and that seemed to break the moment. Which was, of course, good, because _goddammit_ , had he really just thought about kissing the guy?!

Loki pulled back (was he blushing? He was. At least, he wasn't as pale as usual.  _God damn all of this, Tony, he's not cute. For heaven's sake, no._ And whom exactly was he trying to convince here?) and managed to pull up, although he was still straddling the engineer's lap at the moment, his mask of cool distance in a matter of seconds.

_So much for not screwing this up._

“I think I will have some time for myself now”, the god declared, not loud, but in a determined tone that allowed no objection. “There is a book I have not finished yet.”

“Yeah, of course”, Tony muttered and mentally face-palmed while Loki stood up from the couch to retrieve his book. He stood up and headed towards the door, turning around once to say: “If you need me, I'm hitting the workshop. See... see you for dinner then.”

Loki acknowledged that with a nod and made himself comfortable where the other had just sat.

Tony strolled out of the room, shaking his head.

 

~*~

Steve called them for team dinner at around eight pm. Surprisingly, Loki showed up too, although he was tense as a bowstring (one of Clint's good ones) and his eyes were, if not glued to his plate, darting between the Avengers as if he awaited anyone to comment on what had happened before. Nobody did.

In fact, it was far more quiet than usual. They all ate and then retreated to, well, wherever they went in the evening. Tony had cleaning duty (which he, frankly, didn't understand, because how many billionaires do their dishes themselves?!).

Sighing, the engineer leant against the kitchen counter after he was finished. He hadn't really got anything to do, but he was pretty damn sure he was  _so_ not going to sleep. Alright, he was exhausted as hell and he could have used it, really, but if he went to sleep now he would be going to have the worst nightmares in years, probably followed short by panic attacks because that water had been so goddamn  _cold_ and burned him and cut off his air, he had felt like drowning, just like back in–

So, back to the point, sleep was not an option.

He couldn't go to Loki, either, because he had probably pressed him enough for the day. If Loki wanted his company, he would have come down to the workshop, he knew where to find him after all. So, again, not an option.

But tinkering was one, always was, so he was going to do just that. Content with his decision, Tony headed towards the elevator. There was some experiment he had planned which he needed Mjölnir for, and handling it was kind of difficult if you weren't a certain blonde Norse god.

He knocked at the doors of the bedroom on Thor's floor, but got no response.

“Hey, Goldilocks, you awake?”, he called out, but still, no answer. Sighing, he opened the door and stepped in. It was not even 9pm, Thor couldn't possibly be asleep already.

But there was a dark figure on the bed, only the snoring that usually accompanied the god's dreams was missing.

Actually, it was awfully quiet in the room.

“Thor?”, Tony asked again, approaching the mattress. Suddenly his breath caught in his throat.

The sheets were pulled down so they exposed Thor's bare chest, and a wave of nausea washed over the millionaire as he saw the handle of a pitch black dagger jutting out from the tanned, golden skin.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.  
> Who stabbed Thor now? (Which person in the household actually uses daggers?) And maybe more important, why?  
> I'm afraid you'll have to wait, because I'm not sure I'll be at home next weekend to do the next chapter. I'm trying though. ;)


	23. Treachery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the nature of betrayal, wasn't it? It hurt like nothing else and it never came from your enemies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Myrsky, as she keeps saving me from... me. ^.^  
> Also, please don't kill me after reading this. Or before.

“JARVIS. Call Bruce up here.”

Tony's voice was surprisingly calm as he extended a hand to Thor's chest, swallowing something sour and pulling the dagger out – _damn_ , that sound was just sick. He wasn't even sure it was the right thing to do.

With shaking hands, he stared at the blade. It was pitch black, curved and resembled nothing he had ever seen, meaning it could only come from...

“That bastard”, Tony whispered and then, he spun on his heels and ran towards the elevator. Just when he arrived, Bruce stepped out with a mixture of concern and anger on his face, but before he got to say anything, the millionaire drowned him in a flood of short, hectic sentences: “Go take care of Thor. Don't freak out, breath in and out, y'know how to do that. I'll explain everything when I understand it myself. Nono, _don't_ you go to the green side now. I'm gonna find someone. Figure... things out. We can talk later, Thor needs help. Bye.”

With that, the doors closed and Tony took the two floors he passed to steady himself. Not to calm down, no. Just to keep himself from smashing something right now. He would come to that later.

There was a painful sting in his chest. It was sickening, nauseating, but that probably laid in the nature of the thing, right? His knuckles turned white where he gripped the handle of the dagger and he clenched his jaw so hard it hurt. Yes, it was the nature of betrayal. It hurt like nothing else could and it never came from your enemies.

After reaching the level he had aimed for, he crossed the corridor and slammed the door at its end open to see Loki sitting on the couch, the personification of innocence, and reading a book.

“Stark?”, he asked, and _oh_ , what an actor he was. He looked confused at Tony's grim expression, but not intimidated. As if he didn't know what he was here for. _Bastard._

“Does _this_ ”, Tony hissed, holding up the knife, “look familiar to you?” The god's eyes widened (oh, _what_ an actor) and he stood up from the sofa, putting the book aside.

“That's mine”, he stated, reaching for it, but the millionaire drew back until his back was flush against the wall. He gave a small laugh.

“Oh, brilliant strategy. _Admit_ it, you idiot. You should at least try to”, he waved with the dagger in his hand, “you know, deny it. But probably there's a plot behind _this_ plot, too. Seriously, when did I start to trust the god of fucking lies?!”

“Stark, now you are just not making any sense”, the god said firmly. “Don't you want to tell me what this is all about?”

Tony took a breath. A _deep_ breath.

Then he grabbed Loki, who was only a step away now, by the collar, turned around to slam him into the wall and hissed: “This is about _you_ stabbing your brother in his sleep, you bastard!”

And – yes, he thoroughly enjoyed the way Loki's eyes widened, and that stunned, soundless cry, barely more than a hoarse breath escaping the prince's lips as Tony buried the blade to the hilt in his stomach.

“Stark”, he breathed, his hands clutching the millionaire's sleeves as he crouched over the blade. “What are you...”

“No! Just _no_!”, Tony growled. “You killed your own brother _in his sleep_ , you treacherous son of a bitch!”

"Thor?! I didn't do anything like that!", the god defended himself, his face white as a sheet.

"You just admitted this is your dagger. Really, I would have thought of you as a better liar", Tony sneered bitterly. "But then again, I wouldn't have thought of you as such a dirty player, either."

"I didn't even bring weapons to earth with me! I have no idea where..."

“Shut up!” Tony shifted to whisper right into the god's ear, pressing him even more firmly against the wall. “You're such a sly little bastard. I should never have taken you in, I should have done _this_ ”, he gave the blade a sharp twist and felt the other shiver, heard the strained whimper Loki couldn't suppress, “right from the beginning.”

“Listen, I can explain...”, he tried again.

"Enough!" The engineer took a step back, pulling Loki with him by his collar, and felt the god's knees give in. Right, he was sort of human right now, he couldn't just ignore an injury like that. The thought gave him a grim kind of satisfaction. "I'm not buying any of your lies any more. I did so far too long." Slowly he started to pull the knife out, ignoring the way the god bit his lower lip until it drew blood. His eyes were rolling back helplessly until he finally squeezed them shut. "Do you remember yourself teaching me how to stab someone the right way? Well, thanks for the lesson." He smiled coldly.

"Stark, please", Loki whispered. "Listen to me. I..."

Tony felt betrayed. He had _trusted_ Loki, something he didn't usually do this easily (and really, what had he been thinking?) and to see his trust abused this way hurt. Right now, he was able to channel it into anger, but it wouldn't stay this way. Not for long.

"No! You are not going to talk yourself out of it this time!", the millionaire hissed. "Did you _really_ think making me fall in love with you would leave me oblivious for your lies? I might be stupid sometimes, but I'm not _that_ dumb."

Loki's eyes widened even further. "Making you...", he began, but was cut off again.

"Well, no. Fuck you." He examined the god's shirt with the blade still in his stomach, thinking about the way he would slide it between those fragile ribs. Because yes, at that moment, Loki looked really fragile, desperately trying to free himself but stuck under Tony's weight and too weakened by his injuries – ah, there had been broken ribs, right? They probably hurt like hell.

"Stark, _Anthony_ , please, you need to listen", he whispered, trying to get away from under him, tears of pain glimmering in his eyes. "Please!"

"Oh, now you're begging? Didn't leave your brother the chance to do so", Tony stated scornfully.

"I didn't..." Suddenly the room went dark, dark and somehow cold. Not cold in a temperature-kind of way, but like a weight pressing down on him. The millionaire felt Loki's breath hitch for a second to continue in the doubled pace. “Get off me”, he whispered. “Get off now or you...”

“What kind of trick is this, Loki?”, Tony snarled. Like hell he was going to fall for – _holy fuck_. Hastily he moved away from Loki, scrambling to his feet as he eyed the... the... whatever it was. It was _ugly_ , and it looked dangerous, and _why the hell was it in his tower?!_

“I am pleased to see you attempt to do my work, human”, the creature sneered. It was clad in some mixture of robe and armour all in grey and black, also including a hood that looked almost like it was made of leather. Where its eyes should be were thick, dark bandages hiding its forehead and the upper half of its head. The lower part of the blueish-grey face, only covered by something resembling a golden cage that made absolutely no sense to Tony, contained a set of red teeth that appeared just _slightly_ unsettling. The hand closed around a black, broad sword had _clearly_ just too much fingers and _ew_ , there were so many reasons not to look at it.

“JARVIS, Avengers, here, now”, the millionaire breathed, retreating until he was with his back against the wall. The AI didn't confirm, but he knew he had heard him. Now he just had to hope the others were fast.

Faking self-confidence, he demanded: “Right. I think you forgot to tell me what this is about, if I might remind you. So what the actual hell is going on here?” Things were happening, much too fast for him to comprehend.

“I am here to get back what is mine”, the creature stated, making a gesture towards Loki with his – _god_ , how many fingers had that thing?!

“I still have some unfinished business with him, if you don't mind”, Tony retorted, watching as Loki used the wall for a hold while getting to his feet, shaking and panting. Somehow he began to think he had made a really bad mistake.

“So have I”, the thing replied and really, it started to be annoying that it didn't have a name to go by. But if Tony got that right, this was the creature that had held Loki captive, the one he had never referred to with any name but just _The Other_.

 _There is no need to call him here by speaking his name_ , he had said.

“I got him first.”

“This is no time for your games, mortal!” The moment the creature spoke, the door busted open and he heard several pairs of footsteps.

“Maybe for theirs?”, Tony asked with a smug grin. Then he looked over his shoulder and saw Clint and Natasha– “Where the fuck is Steve?”

“Got called out on a mission a few minutes ago”, Natasha answered curtly. Great. Bruce was nursing Thor who was unconscious and Steve was out. So apparently, it was three humans against a god and – a _thing_. Just fucking great odds. “What's this all about?”, the red-haired spy demanded.

“About _someone_ ”, the millionaire spat, “who's got a different definition of loyalty than I do.” Loki straightened himself up, a pained, but still smug grin on his lips.

“Well, Stark”, he managed, “it's been nice. Really. But I told you he would come back. You were right, trusting the god of lies was not your wisest action yet.” He gave a short chuckle. “Aside from this unpleasant little surprise", he looked at the bloody spot slowly growing on his clothing with an expression that resembled _amusement_ before he looked up again, "really, Stark, you made this almost _too_ easy.”

"I am pleased, little _prince_ ", The Other spoke up with something that should probably resemble a smirk, "that you know where your _loyalties_ lay." He gave Tony a dirty look.

Loki flinched just from hearing the voice of the creature, but he kept his malicious, almost sadistic grin up and glared at Tony. The fact that he was not wearing his armour, but only a button-up-shirt and black jeans didn't make him much less intimidating. Neither did the blood soaking his clothes – more in the opposite – or the hand clutched over his stomach. He was even standing straight again, even though there was sweat forming on his forehead and he was clenching his jaw just a little too hard to seem unaffected by the pain.

"Well then, trickster, don't you think it is time for us to go?", The Other asked in his graveyard-voice. "Of course we will take your little friends with us. You shouldn't be lonely after all." He stepped closer to Loki and instantly the god tried to back away, managing exactly one step before he was with his back flush against the wall.

Tony heard a sharp intake of breath from behind him, probably coming from Natasha. There was a sting in his chest as he saw how easily the god submitted to that _thing_ , that thing that had probably had him imprisoned. _Five years._

But apparently, there had been more behind that. There had been a plan, all the time, and Loki was probably here to find out the Avenger's weaknesses all along.

Or hadn't he?

_We will take your little friends with us._

_I saw him torturing my mother, Thor, my_ children.. _. I couldn't bare watching how he punished my family for my mistakes... At first, I was still able to tell his illusions from reality, but..._

So no illusions this time, but Avengers.

Tony had absolutely no idea who was good and bad by now because it seemed to change every two or three minutes, but he knew that he was _so_ not going to be part of some sick psychotic torturing game.

And he wasn't going to let the panic get the best of him, not – ah, scrap that, logical thinking took time he didn't have. With a growl he jolted forward, raising a fist (and yes, during that one second he had before it connected he _did_ scold himself for attacking a being that was able to dominate a god with his bare fist, but, by then, it was too late) to let it crush into the side of the beast's head.

It didn't even flinch.

“You should not have done that, mortal”, it snarled instead and turned to face Tony.

“Got it. Bad idea”, the engineer muttered while backing down slowly, followed by the creature, step by step.

The sound of a gun being fired chimed behind him, but The Other only raised a hand and there was something, a flash of light, and Tony didn't dare to turn around but heard Clint gasp: “Tasha!”

“It is funny to see how–” A sound, a really _disgusting_ sound, resembling a... gurgle, or maybe... There was really no need to describe it further. Disgusting. However, _that_ sound followed, and the creature stopped dead in its tracks, mouth opening and closing, displaying red teeth and – whoa, it had clearly never made contact with a toothbrush in the millennia it had lived.

Tony was grateful as it collapsed on the ground before him, giving way for him to see Loki with the dagger in both hands.

“Where did you get that from?”, the millionaire asked. It was the first

“You left it _in my stomach_ ”, Loki snapped. “I see what Rogers is always complaining about. There is no way to follow a plan when you're in it.” He grinned, but it quickly turned into a grimace and he pressed a hand onto the wound. God, he had pulled the knife out _himself_ without making a sound...

Immediately, Tony was beside him, holding the god by his shoulders as he broke down on his knees.

“Fuck, Lokes – I'm sorry, I...”, he stammered. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pieces came together. Loki had played along to fool The Other, he had never actually been on his side. Tony could have slapped himself. He was so fucking _stupid_. "God dammit, I overreacted, I'm so sorry, you can call me the dumbest genius of all history if you want, I should've..."

“Shut up”, the god groaned. “You better – oh Norns, Stark, move.”

“What?”, Tony asked, confused. "You're injured, you shouldn't..."

“ _Move_!”, Loki repeated and then Tony heard a strange scratching noise from behind him as the god stood up shakily, swaying on his feet more than actually standing, and pulled the engineer up. Where did he take that strength from? “Move out of his reach, you fool!”

“Keep cool, Loki, he's dead”, the engineer reassured. “We just need to –”

The god gave him a forceful push, shoving Tony away. Loki staggered a step forward, then his eyes grew wide and a weak, agonized choking sound left his lips as The Other's black sword was thrust right through his chest from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry  
> I'm a horrible person.  
> I'm so sorry. Please don't kill me.
> 
> (This one is so early 'cause I'm on holidays, and won't have internet access this weekend, but the next one is going to come on time again. Also, Thor's part of Making Amends is up.)
> 
> And you can decide by yourself which cliffhanger was worse. I think I might have a little cliffhanger kink.


	24. First Aid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tries to explain to the others - and himself - what happened before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back in civilisation! Means, I've got internet!

“Fuck, Loki”, Tony gasped and reached out to the god to catch him, but Loki only seized his wrists in a weak grip and choked out: “Do not... touch the blade.” Panicking, the millionaire's eyes darted over to the form of the creature that had hauled itself up in a last effort, but had collapsed (with another disgusting sound) right after that. Seemingly it had been some last life remaining in the body seeking for revenge.

It had left the sword inside of Loki's body.

“Tasha, Clint, help!”, Tony demanded frantically as he watched Loki drop to his hands and knees, the blade still stuck in his chest and it looked so _sick_ how it was jutting out from his shirt, edged by the dark blood mark that was growing bigger and bigger, and how was that fucking  swordso _big_ anyway?

And, hadn't Natasha been injured? What about Thor?

Why were there so many people to worry about?!

“Tony, calm down”, Clint ordered from beside him. “We need to get that out.”

“Don't touch the blade”, Tony repeated the words which had definitely been _not_ Loki's last. They couldn't have been. Right? “Stay awake, Lokes”, he pleaded, kneeling beside the god who fell to his side at this moment, arching his back to escape the agony the weapon caused him, but every movement seemed to make the pain only worse. “You need to tell me what to do!”

“Get it out”, Loki forced out in one sharp breath and _god_ , breathing must hurt. “Don't touch the blade.”

“We can't pull it out”, Clint stated. “It will start to bleed, he's gonna bleed out right here if we do this.”

“But we can't move him like this, either!”, Natasha interrupted from across the room while she staggered to her feet. It seemed like she had only got a light hit, probably a warning shot, seeing that she recovered so fast. Right, The Other had planned something with them. Couldn't kill them right away. Just great.

A cold hand grabbed Tony's and he looked down into Loki's eyes, overcast with tears, as he whispered: “Just do it. I can stop... the bleeding, but _please_ ”, that was almost a whimper, “Stark, stop delaying it.” A hint of green sneaked into the god's pale blue eyes as if to proof his point that he could handle the consequences.

_Magic?!_

He had access to his powers? Had he been lying all along?!

But there was no time to worry about that right now.

“...All right. Clint, pull it out. I'll hold him. And damn it, hurry up, because I can't stand this any longer and I don't think he can, either”, Tony said, grabbing Loki's shoulders while the agent moved behind him, reluctant at first, but then he swallowed and grasped the hilt of the sword in both hands.

“I hope you know what you do, Loki”, he warned.

“Just hurry”, the god replied and his hold on Tony's hand became painfully tight. He was in pain, and probably (more like _definitely_ ) scared as hell, but he was the most composed one at the moment despite his shivering body.

“Fine.”

At first, Loki just hissed, but the sound quickly turned into something more agonized and although Clint did not take more than five seconds to draw the blade out, the god looked completely worn out after it. He was gasping for air while, at the same, time trying not to breathe. Each intake of air came combined with a... _sound_ that made Tony's chest hurt as he watched the god, pale and covered in a thin layer of sweat, placing a hand on his own chest where it started to glow in a light green.

The glow reached his wide, glassy eyes too. Loki stared into nothing and the whole room remained in a tense silence, only interrupted by the god's heavy, pained breathing. The grasp on Tony's wrist, which he was still grabbing with his free hand, grew – probably subconsciously – even tighter when he squeezed his eyes shut.

Then, the hand that had been holding onto the millionaire's tightly just seconds ago went limp and the other one, stained, no, _covered_ with blood, dropped from his chest eventually as Loki opened his eyes once again, the green glow of magic fading back into blue, and then he lost consciousness with a faint moan.

They remained silent for another moment, until Tony's panic got the best of him.

“God, god, god, god-fucking-dammit, this is wrong, this can't be happening...”, he started to ramble. “Did he- how did he even...”

“Tony, _shut up_!”, Clint snapped. “We need to get him up to the infirmary. _Now_. Without putting pressure on the wound.”

“And just _how_ the fuck do you want to do that?!”, Tony shot back. He tried, he really desperately tried to keep his breathing at least close to stable while he watched the archer turn Loki onto his back. He looked awful, and although he seemed to have stopped the bleeding, he was terribly pale and there was just _so much_ blood, soaking his shirt and running from the corner of his mouth and covering his hands and – _fuck_ , he hadn't healed the wound on his stomach, had he?

“He's still bleeding”, Tony gasped and tore apart the remnants of the shirt.

“He healed himself”, Clint responded. “He should be stable n- oh fuck, what's _that_?!” He stared at the injury, the torn skin and all that _blood_. Tony had to turn away because he was pretty sure he was going to throw up if he looked at that any longer. “It doesn't look like a sword cut. Where did he get that from?”

The engineer swallowed and tasted something sour,  _again_ , before he whispered: “Me.”

Immediately he felt two burning glares at him. It was Natasha who asked incredulously: “What?” Just that, just this one word, and yet it held so much reproach, an accusation and somehow the hope that he had made a stupid joke. It was rare for the spy to show so much emotion at once.

“I thought he stabbed Thor and I –“

“Wait”, Natasha interrupted. “Thor? What about Thor?” And yes, there was that thing with Thor. Damn.

“Could we just take care of him before we discuss this?”, Tony asked quietly. The red-head's eyes laid on him for a few seconds longer, then she looked down at Loki again.

“Clint, take off your shirt”, she commanded, falling into her role as a trained assassin once again. Both SHIELD agents were wearing casual clothing and so the archer pulled his shirt over his head and took the knife Natasha held out to him to cut it into pieces.

They started to talk; short, clipped sentences, only saying what was really necessary. _Inner injuries_ , he heard, _pierced lung_ , or more like _completely destroyed lung_ , and _how much could he heal_ , and then finally _Tony_ , _Tony, Tony, can you hear me_?

“What?”, he asked, noticing his breathing was too fast to be normal and his hands were clenched into fists.

“We need to take him up to the helicarrier”, Clint repeated. “We've got doctors up there and the technology to help him.”

“We can't hand him over to Fury!”, Tony protested. “He's going to take every chance he gets to turn Loki in!”

“Either that or he's going to die!”, Natasha responded sharply. “Think, Tony! We don't know how bad his inner injuries are and he's lost way too much blood. Even if Fury tries to keep him, we can think about getting him out later. He needs to be alive for that.”

“But Bruce...”, the engineer tried weakly, but he was cut off again.

“He's a physicist, Tony. He's got basic knowledge, but no way it's enough for this”, Natasha said with a gesture towards the remnants of Clint's shirt that were used to keep as much of Loki's blood where it belonged. It was almost soaked through.

“All right. But then we need to take Thor up, too. I...” He cleared his throat despite the lump that was forming inside of it. “I'm not even sure he's still alive.”

Both agents inhaled sharply, but they stayed professional; neither of them posed a question. Instead Clint said: “JARVIS, connect us to Fury.”

“Connecting”, the AI said and shortly after that Fury's voice barked: “Stark, it better be important.”

“It is”, Natasha replied instead of the millionaire. “Where's the location of the next helicarrier? How long does it take to bring it to Stark Tower?”

“Why?”, the director demanded.

“Because Loki's bleeding out.”

Fury actually _laughed_ at that. Bastard. “And why, agent Romanov, should I help _Loki_?”

“Because”, Tony chimed in, “first, Thor is injured too and you might want to prevent to start an interstellar war because you refused to treat the All-Daddy's golden boy, and second Loki is the only one who can give you information about the alien that attacked us about fifteen minutes ago. So, how long?”

“There's gonna be a quinjet with a medical team at yours in twenty minutes”, he eventually said. “Bring them to the penthouse.” Then the connection was cut.

Immediately, Natasha was back into action. Tony admired her silently; without her telling him what to do, he would most likely have been frozen in shock.

“Tony, where's Bruce with Thor?”, she asked.

“They're on Thor's floor”, he replied, trying to appear as calm as possible. “In his bedroom.”

“Clint, go and assist Bruce with Thor. We need to get him up. Tony, you help me with Loki.” Both men nodded and the archer left the room. Natasha's attention was back at the unconscious prince on the floor. “Tony, you help me.” She pushed Loki's limp body up into a sitting position. “Pull him up.”

The engineer knelt down beside Loki and took one of his arms to drape it across his shoulders. Then, he stood up, holding Loki as stable and possible while moving him upright. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Natasha mimicking his position with the god's other arm.

Since Loki was taller than both of them, his feet dragged over the floor while they walked towards the door slowly. The five minutes they needed to take the god to the penthouse felt like the longest in Tony's life. Additional to Loki's weight, there was guilt pressing down on him heavily. He felt  _horrible_ – and that was stupid, because if  _he_ felt horrible, how would Loki feel?

His true heritage revealed, confronted with one of his biggest fears, stabbed by someone he had thought of as a friend (because Tony had been a friend, hadn't he?) and then – yeah, then. Being stabbed. Again, because once a day just wasn't enough, by a sword that looked positively awful.

Seemed to be a great day for the god of lies.

Tony spent most of the elevator ride with his eyes closed and concentrating on deep, calm breathing – luckily Natasha didn't even attempt to get a conversation going, she stayed calm and serious herself – until they were finally,  _finally_ up at the penthouse and could do nothing more than wait.

They laid Loki down on one of the couches, carefully not to put strain on his wound, just when the elevator chimed again and Clint and Bruce entered the room, carrying Thor in a position similar to the one Tony and Natasha had used for Loki.

The thunder god was laid down on another sofa and Bruce slumped down on the floor next to it, exhaling slowly and wiping some sweat off his forehead. Quietly he explained: “He's lucky, whoever did that missed his heart. He's still breathing, I have no idea how, but it must be something about not being human and all. I don't think he'll last much longer though. JARVIS told me SHIELD's on the way.” He sighed while Tony knelt down beside the couch Loki laid on to examine the prince's pale face worriedly. “So, you want to fill me in on what's happened?”, the doctor asked.

“Yeah, I'd like to know that too”, Clint agreed and sat down cross-legged on the carpet, Natasha mimicking his position beside him. “And I mean from the beginning, please.”

Tony tore his eyes away from the god's lifeless – no, _almost_ lifeless – form and cleared his throat. This was going to be _so_ much fun.

“Well, I...” He leaned his back against the sofa and thought about where he should begin. “After dinner, I wanted to do an experiment because it was way too early to go to sleep”, he did purposely not mention that he hadn't intended to sleep at all, although his teammates probably already figured out that much, “and I thought about an experiment with Asgardian energies I needed Mjolnir for. But of course, I can't handle the great Nokia-on-a-stick-thing, so I decided to ask Thor if he could help me.” He swallowed drily. God, he needed a drink. “When I... when I came into his room, he just laid on his bed and there... there was a knife, a fucking knife _in his chest_ , and I... god, I pulled it out – that was wrong, Bruce, wasn't it? – and looked at it and I had just never seen anything like it before so I assumed, I mean, I was _sure_ Loki had gone crazy and killed his own brother, _in his sleep_ , like a goddamn little...”

He breathed in deeply and buried his face in his hands for a second. When he continued, his voice was calmer and a lot more distant.

“I called Bruce and I just... I didn't think, I was just so sure and so angry, I thought Loki had _killed_ Thor, and he...” Tony thought back to the moment he had entered the god's room, the way Loki had stared at him. _Stark, now you are just not making any sense._ Of course not. “I stabbed him. He wasn't prepared, he didn't expect it, and he didn't even defend himself, he just tried to tell me it hadn't been him and I didn't listen, I thought he'd be lying again, and then this... this _thing_ appeared and even then...” Tony felt guilt press down on him with the force of a mountain. “Even then, although I saw how afraid he was of him and everything, I still thought Loki had planned this, all of this, and that he's been here out of some bad purpose all along. Until, of course... ah, fuck. That thing, Loki never said its name, always just The Other, I think it tried to stab us both at once and... fuck, I'm so stupid, not even _then_ I listened to Loki, I told him to calm down and he pushed me away and then the sword went right _through his chest_ and... _Christ_ , I need a drink.”

He didn't move to get one, but just swallowed again before he resumed his talking.

“And hey, here's what bugs me: Loki's alive. I mean, not that that's a bad thing, but Clint, Tasha, you saw it. He healed that... that _hole_ in his chest with magic. And why does he have magic? He told me, he told _us_ it was gone, but when he's in danger, it's suddenly back? Doesn't this sound a bit, you know, strange?”

Tony looked around as if he could find the answers in his teammates' faces. When he didn't, he pushed himself upright and strode over to the bar.

“However, I'm going with them.” He made a vague gesture towards the two gods. “I don't like the thought of Fury having them there all on their own, because with all my respect, I know he doesn't like Loki and he's definitely going to take the chance and keep him there if he can, and probably even try to get information about magical weapon technology or whatever. That much, I know about him.”

“I'm going too”, Natasha said suddenly. “And give me some vodka.” Surprised, the engineer looked up from where he had been pouring himself a glass of scotch. The spy met his eyes, her eyebrows raised in a clear challenge. “What? You can't watch them 'round the clock. And I'd like to get some answers from Loki, too. _More_.” The last word was accompanied by a pointed glare towards the glass Tony had filled to the half with some of his most expensive vodka.

“I think I'll join the party”, Bruce said. “I want them back down here as soon as possible and I don't know how far I can trust Fury to really give them back when they're ready. No drink for me though.”

“Great”, Clint groaned. “That means I'll have to go too or I'll look like an antisocial asshole.”

 

~*~

 

Tony was sure he was going to die of boredom when Bruce finally called. Coming up onto the helicarrier had seemed like a great idea at first, but, and that was a great problem, it was  _boring_ up there. He hadn't been allowed during the surgery that lasted three hours in Loki's, four in Thor's case (although Bruce had assured him later that there hadn't been any hidden tricks) and from there on, they had taken shifts in the room where the two gods laid. 

There was no possibility to work on his projects up here because he really didn't want for SHIELD getting his latest armour or the arc reactor technology so he sketched some ideas for a new Stark Pad, but aside from that, there was nothing to do.

That was, until his phone started to vibrate in his pocket (Tony was honestly surprised Fury had allowed him to keep it) and as soon as the connection was there, Bruce said: “The readings about Loki's heart frequencies have gotten more stable and he shows signs of –“

“Bruce, English. And short, please.”

“He might be waking up.”

“I'm with you in a moment.”

Tony, grateful for any distraction, but especially this one, left his room and headed towards the part of the carrier where the infirmary (or more like, a full hospital) laid. When he got there, one of the SHIELD doctors was there, as well as Bruce and Clint who told him Natasha would come later.

They sat together for a few minutes in alert silence, Tony examining Loki's form while doing so. He was pale, more than that, his face looked almost grey, and there were cables attached to his temples and a big, ugly needle stuck in his arm. He gave small sounds now and then and once, his fingers twitched around the blanket.

Then, suddenly and without any warning, he jerked awake with a gasp, bolting upright but sinking back into the pillow with a pained moan.

“Stark”, he groaned. “For the sake of Odin's beard – what did you make me drink?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY ARE ALL GOING TO DIE  
> Now I've got your attention: Making Amends is finished. That means, Bruce's chapter is up and, since I've got too much free time, a bonus chapter.  
> And no, nobody's going to die. At least, not in the next two or three chapters. After that - well, we'll see, huh?


	25. Awakening and Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is waking up and some questions are answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Myrsky, she keeps saving me.

“Stark – for the sake of Odin's beard, what did you make me drink?”

Wait, what? That was the first thing he thought of? What the hell did it look like in the guy's head?! Train of thoughts: Waking up – in pain – apparently without memories – Stark got me drunk. Something was _seriously_ wrong with Loki's image of him. Tony would have actually laughed at the accusation hadn't his throat been painfully tight with guilt.

“I... didn't make you drink anything. More like... kind of... you remember...?” The god blinked a few times, confused, until realization lit up (or darkened) his expression.

“Oh. Oh, yes, I remember.” Loki touched his stomach through the blanket absently. “I remember pretty well, actually.” He shot a pointed glare that made Tony feel even more guilty and he started to stare at his hands intently.

“Listen, Loki, I'm sorry. I overreacted, I should have –” A cold hand on his cheek made him stop and he looked up again, surprised, to see Loki propped up on one elbow, laying on his side.

“Hush, Stark”, he said quietly. His eyes carried an unfathomable expression as they wandered over the millionaire's form and Tony didn't dare to move.

Clint broke the silence with a long-drawn “ _Aaaawwwww_ ”.

_SMACK._

“ _Eeew_.”

Pressing a hand to the burning side of his face, Tony stared at the god in disbelief and received a wide, innocent smile.

“I feel much better now”, Loki declared, slumping back onto the mattress. He looked completely satisfied with himself and that made him look a little less sick.

“The fuck?!” Tony stared at him. “What was that for? Ah, okay, wait, stupid question. Maybe... yeah, I probably deserved it, right?”

“You deserve far more than _that_ ”, Loki snapped. “I cannot believe you _stabbed_ me.”

“Hey, how should I have known you hadn't betrayed us?”, Tony defended himself. The god stared at him with wide, disappointed eyes. “You know, the evidence was pretty clearly against you.”

Utterly offended and if that would be the most obvious thing in the world, the god answered: “I gave you my _word_.”

“You're named _liesmith_ , Loki”, the millionaire responded. “I couldn't have known–”

“My _word_ , Stark!”, Loki repeated. “I would _never_ break a promise I gave.”

“And how should I have known that?”, Tony shot back. “It's not like you promised me...”

_I promise I did not mean to hurt you, I would never..._

He remembered how Loki had come to him after the Jotun incident, because he had made him promise to. Even if he didn't like it, he had fulfilled his promise.

“Oh.”

Loki really looked hurt, as if he had insulted him in the worst way possible – and maybe he had. “If you don't believe _me_ ”, oh, _really_ offended, “you can ask Th–” He stopped as something seemed to come to his mind. “Where's Thor?!”

“Over there”, Bruce piped up. “I have...” He didn't get to finish his sentence before Loki ripped the IV needle out of his arm with a hiss, just as the diodes on his temples, and stumbled over to Thor's bed. He totally ignored the young SHIELD doctor trying to hold him back. It was obvious he was in pain by the way he struggled to keep himself on his feet, but he made it to his brother's bedside and kept himself steady with a hand on the mattress. The other one rested on the broad chest of the blonde and after Loki had sucked in a shuddering breath, a green light began to glow around his fingers.

The god was shivering with the effort to keep himself upright and he was still way too pale. After a minute, there was sweat shining on his forehead and his breath sounded laboured, but the light of his magic didn't flicker even once, even when Loki clenched his jaw so hard Tony was sure he was going to break his teeth, and neither when he closed his eyes and slumped forward a bit, as though it was costing too much of his strength to stay upright.

Nobody dared to disturb him and for a while, there was an alert silence – until the god of thunder made a rumbling sound and opened his eyes slowly. He stared at his brother for a second, Loki smiled down at him, opened his mouth to say something and then he fell down on his knees with a pained whimper.

In a matter of seconds Bruce was by his side, pulling him up and shoving him onto his bed. He scolded: “You shouldn't even move right now, much less use your magic.” Because that was what had apparently happened, right?

“Exactly, Tony, why didn't you stop him?”, Clint chimed in, grinning.

“ _Me_?”, the millionaire exclaimed. “Hey, _I_ just got bitch-slapped by a god. What's _your_ excuse?”

“It's _your_ magical boyfriend”, the archer responded.

“Boyfriend? Wrong term, Katniss. But, speaking of which, and with which, I'm referring to _magical_ ”, Tony said, turning towards the bed again. “How come you can use your magic?”

Dread spread in his stomach, a cold, nauseating feeling of doubt and anxiety that shadowed the relief of Loki finally being awake. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to hear the answer, if he wanted to hear it spoken out that he had been lied to all the time.

The god, catching his breath, looked at him with tired eyes.

“I fulfilled the conditions”, he answered. “I was willing to sacrifice my life for someone else, I _did_ , to cry it out loud.” For a moment, the millionaire was stunned, speechless. But only for a moment.

“So... you did it to get your magic back?”, he asked and somehow he felt a disappointed sting when the thought occurred to him.

Loki shook his head and replied: “No, I did not know about it before. I figured it out the moment it happened, but my reaction in the first place was quite... impulsive. I did not really think about it.”

Silence settled between them, with the god closing his eyes and Tony left to think about what he had just heard. Loki had been willing to sacrifice his life for him.

“Why?”, he blurted out. “Why would you do that?”

“I don't know.” The answer was quiet, barely audible. “Maybe I just thought you were worth it.”

Only a minute later he fell into an exhausted, desperately necessary sleep.

 

~*~

 

Tony didn't like sitting on person's bedsides, but nonetheless, he stayed. He didn't give in to the doctors trying to usher him out of the room but watched Loki sleep (which was about the creepiest thing he had ever done) who looked pale and very fragile at first.

It was fascinating to see the god's metabolism work.

Tony was doodling with his Stark Pad, but every two or three minutes, he would throw a glance towards Loki to watch how he, slowly, in a time frame of about four hours, regained a healthy colour and somehow started to... become more _Loki_ , more himself, less shallow and weak.

It was about two in the morning when Loki started twisting in the sheets. Small movements at first, a twitching finger, a shift of his leg, but with every minute, he grew more unsteady. He started to throw his head from one side to the other and when he started to whimper and mutter incoherent syllables, Tony decided to wake him up.

He reached out to touch the god's shoulder gently and startled himself when Loki jerked away violently and uttered a choked, strangled sound only slightly resembling a cry. His hands were clenching the sheets tightly and twisting them. Tony heard a quiet sound of tearing fabric – right, the godly strength and all were back. Loki was a god once again.

“Lokes”, he whispered softly, trying not to wake Thor too. “Hey, Loki, can you hear me? Snap out of it, you're safe.” In response, Loki tugged on the sheets harder and this time, the tearing sound was louder and the engineer could make out, in the semi-darkness, that there was a hole in the hospital gown, at least as big as his hand. Well, that had to be some wonderful dreams. He seized the other's shoulder again, more firmly this time, and breathed in to say something, when he pulled back with a start.

Loki _screamed_.

It was a long-drawn, suffering cry of agony, a sound so sincerely scared it made Tony freeze for a moment. The Stark Pad slid through his fingers and crashed onto the floor with a shattering sound – well, so much for his distraction – and it snapped him out of his shock. Once again, he shook Loki, now more fiercely, and thanked every god he knew when he stopped screaming and his eyes snapped open.

Alright, he looked _far_ from good, but at least he was awake.

And now, he started talking. Which was probably an overstatement because actually, Loki was stammering, spilling broken pieces of sentences, ragged pleas, _no no no, please no, don't, no, stop please no_ –

“Hey, Lokes”, Tony tried again. He heard Thor stumbling out of his bed.

“Stop it”, Loki wheezed as if he had ran a mile in two minutes just no. Ah, bad example, that probably wouldn't have bothered him as much as the things haunting him now. His eyes were darting through the darkness, following things only he could see. “Please, I'll do anything, but –“

“Brother!”, the thunder god called out. “You must calm down!” There was not a trace of fatigue in his voice nor in his eyes when he exchanged worried glances with Tony.

“Loki, I'm here, Thor's here, everything's okay”, the engineer tried again, and just when he thought they'd succeed, the door burst open to let two SHIELD doctors rush in, and the god started screaming again.

“Out!”, Tony yelled. “Get out, you're making it worse!” The doctors, a man and a woman, both much younger than Tony, stood there for a moment, obviously puzzled (and one of them looking as though she had just gotten out of bed) until the engineer snapped: “Get _out_ , now!”

He didn't wait to watch them leave but turned towards Loki again who had pulled his knees up to his chest and gripped his own hair so hard it looked like he was going to rip it out.

“Loki, _come on_! Snap out of it!”

“Brother, there is nothing to fear!”

It took the two of them a while to tear Loki out of whatever dream or illusion was scaring him so much. A strong hand seized Tony's wrist and the god's wide, blue eyes were locked at him.

“Stark”, he breathed quietly, took a deep breath and repeated: “Stark.” He looked so lost, so scared that Tony felt a strong urge to protect him – protect a being that was superior to him in every means. It was ridiculous, he knew it, but he also knew that Loki was vulnerable. “Stark”, he whispered again. Maybe not physically, but mentally all the more.

With a sigh the god relaxed his stance a little and let his eyes fall closed. Tony didn't dare to speak up and decided just to watch him and listen to the quiet whispers of his name, repeated all over again.

“Stark, Stark, Stark.” Like a mantra, almost inaudible. “Stark...”

“Loki.”

The god's eyes snapped open.

“What?”

“Would you stop doing that?”

“Doing what?”

Tony glanced down at his wrist and up at the god again. “Um... I think you're breaking it.”

“Oh. Sorry.” He released the bruising grip (it had left an angry red mark around the engineer's wrist) and stared at the torn sheet. “I am... not accommodated yet to having my strength back.” He seemed to have snapped out of his nightmare, because although his voice was still shaky, he didn't have that look of complete panic anymore. He turned a palm up to gaze at it thoughtfully while a small spark lit up on it – not his magic, the bright green, but a flame. It grew and flickered, then Loki closed his hand to a fist and it vanished. His lips were graced by a small smile.

“What was _that_?”, Tony asked and was met by a surprised look.

“Fire”, Loki answered, blinking in confusion. “You – you do have fire here, don't you?”

“Of course we do”, the engineer grumbled and had to fight not to face-palm. “But – can all magicians do that?”

“Of course not!” Loki looked offended (and also appalled by Tony's obvious lack of knowledge about Norse mythology). “I am the _God_ of Fire, Stark.”

“Wha– I thought you're the God of Lies? Can you be two gods at once? Or is that a multiple personalities thing? Or –“

“ _God of Lies_ is merely a title I earned through my actions”, the prince cut off his rambling. “Just as Liesmith and Silvertongue are. As the God of Fire I was destined long before that.”

“Isn't that – sort of self-destructive?” Loki blinked again. “I mean, with the frost thing and then fire, that's a sort of... bad combination, isn't it?”

“Magic does not work like that”, the god of fire/lies/confusingstupidmortals sighed. “Of course I would not use it in my Jotun form, but the Allfather's glamour does not only cover my skin, but changes my whole body into an Aesir one. Therefore, the fire does not harm me.”

"Don't expect me to understand that”, Tony muttered. “Whatever.”

Loki chuckled and then changed the topic: “Thor, how is your injury doing?”

The god of thunder (at least _that_ much was clear) smiled when the attention shifted towards him and answered: “I can barely feel it now. You have done great, as usual.” He glanced at Loki's chest. “May I see yours?”

The younger god laughed as he replied: “Really, Thor? Comparing scars? How old are you, ninety-five? Quit acting like a child.”

Tony snorted quietly. Yeah, if ninety-five was a child's age, what was _he_ then?

Thor actually looked sheepish, as if he was recognizing his childish behaviour and being ashamed for it. _Ninety-five_ , ha.

“Would you mind leaving us alone for a few minutes?”, Loki interrupted his thoughts and Tony rose from his chair hastily.

“Ah, sure, I'm –“

“Not _you_ , Stark.”

“Oh.” He was glad the semi-darkness hid his embarrassed blush as he sat down again.

Thor hesitated and looked at the both of them for a few seconds before he nodded and said: “I believe a walk would do me good.” With a last questioning look he left the room. So he did have some tact sometimes.

“What's up?”, Tony asked as soon as the door had closed behind the elder god. “Something the big bro isn't allowed to hear? Or –”

“What you said”, Loki interrupted. “Before He arrived.”

“Um... I've said a lot back there”, the engineer pointed out carefully, although he had an idea where this was going. “Could you specify that?”

Loki looked at him, his pale face grey in the darkness. Calmly and without any emotion audible in his voice he explained: “You asked me if I thought that making you fa-”

“Ah, yes, I get it”, Tony interrupted. “Sorry 'bout that. I was angry, I mean, I think you figured, and I was unfair. I said things I didn't mean.” Which was no lie. He had not meant it when he'd said he wanted to see the god dead. Even in his anger, he hadn't meant _that_.

“Oh.” The answer sounded strangely dull. “I understand.” The sheets rustled as Loki shifted back into a lying position. “That would be all. Good night, Stark.”

“Yeah, you too”, Tony replied quietly through the lump in his throat and stared at the god's back that was turned towards him.

He felt like he had made an awful mistake.

 

~*~

 

Loki recovered. His divine healing abilities had apparently kicked in, awesomely working (because seriously, no human would have survived that) and he was back on his feet after some more hours of sleep. When he had healed himself and Thor (who had to be filled in on what happened and had been very close to smashing Tony's skull when he had heard about what he had done to his beloved baby brother), Bruce declared him for ready to leave the helicarrier.

Tony came to the room the brothers had been stationed in and watched through a glass wall how Loki said his goodbyes, politely, to the three SHIELD doctors who had been treating him. It were two men and a young woman, and Tony watched incredulous how Loki talked to the girl – he couldn't hear anything, but he saw her blush and laugh, and then she turned an even deeper shade of red when the god laid a hand onto her upper arm and said something. Then, she blinked, seemingly confused, until Loki winked – actually _winked_ at her! – and she said a few words in response, batting her long eyelashes. Tony felt his jaw drop.

Then, the god turned towards one of the other doctors, a serious young man with dark hair who somehow reminded Tony of a younger Phil Coulson. Loki shook his hand politely and exchanged two or three quick words before he walked over to the third doctor, an elderly man who was laughing a lot and shook Loki's hand with an enthusiasm that was similar to a teenager meeting his idol.

And this was _SHIELD_. In a matter of hours, Loki had them all wrapped up, It was unbelievable.

Tony watched the god turn towards Bruce who had watched with disbelieving surprise and flashed him a bright smile. They left the room together while the doctors checked over Thor a last (totally unnecessary) time. Probably the girl just wanted to admire his abs a bit longer while he was sitting in front of her, shirtless.

When the two stepped out of the door five metres down the hall, the god was whispering something to Bruce, his expression dead serious. The scientist nodded while staring at the floor.

“Havin' secrets over there?”, the millionaire called out and although Loki turned completely relaxed, Bruce literally jumped and shook his head hastily.

“Ah, no, we're just, I mean, talking, about, you know –”, he stammered and the god sighed exasperated.

“We were just discussing something about the injury. Nothing that would concern you”, he explained and smiled and yes, he was all charming and yes, Tony would have believed him if not for the doctor who was not half that good of a liar. Loki seemed to notice the doubt in his gaze.

“Stark, do me a favour and trust me, will you?”, he asked and he had such a sincere look in his eyes that Tony sighed. Maybe he should just give it a try. He had denied Loki his trust so often now and he had never actually betrayed him, right?

 “Fine. If you don't blow anything up that belongs to me, I'm fine with it. Now let's get down to the tower already, I miss my freedom. Also, Steve has been cooking.”

Tony grinned and together, they waited for Thor to be finished with the tests. He could trust Loki, right? He wouldn't betray him. And if Loki would, he could still be sure Bruce would definitely never betray him. He had nothing to fear.

The cold, insecure feeling remained.

 

~*~

 

When Tony and Loki entered the god's living room later, they found Loki's blood on the wall and the floor, but The Other's corpse was gone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No. I am a cruel person and I can't just let them live happily ever after. Also, Tony is a little shit.  
> ...Don't look at me like that. Let's make a deal. The next chapter is a happy one. 'kay?


	26. Mischief Managed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki being Loki. The Avengers are not happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you a happy chapter. Here, have a happy chapter.  
> Thanks to my beta Myrsky, Loki can prank the Avengers grammatically correct.

The next day, Loki seemed overly content with himself. He displayed a smug little grin while sitting at the breakfast table with Bruce and Tony, and after some minutes, the engineer couldn't stand it anymore.

“Would you care to explain me what makes you that happy?”, he asked. “It's too early to be in such a good mood.”

“Oh, you should know in about, I guess, a minute”, the god answered, grinning.

“Now you're scaring me. Does it have to do with Bruce?” The doctor stared at his tea with a dreamy expression and smiled. “Because he looks creepy.” Bruce raised his head and smiled at Tony while he took a sip out of his mug. Tony noticed his dilated pupils. “Loki, what did you _do_ to him?”

Loki didn't get to respond because a voice from the hallway stopped every conversation.

“Who the fuck has the goddamn balls to pull off this shit?!” The next second, Clint stormed into the kitchen with a bundle of arrows in his hand. He growled as he spotted Loki and pointed at him with one of the arrows: “You!” Only now Tony realized his problem: The arrowtips were heart-shaped and pink, and he was pretty sure there was something written across them although he could not read it.

Bruce ignored the yelling and smiled at his tea.

Tony didn't have the time to read the small, curved engravements on the arrows before Natasha entered the room, a gun in her hand. With a murderous expression she walked over to Loki and yanked his head back by his hair, causing the god to gasp.

“Tasha, what the hell are you –”, Tony began, trying to reach out and stop her in time, but he didn't even get to finish his sentence before the Widow pressed the weapon at Loki's temple and pulled the trigger. The whole kitchen froze for a moment, not even a breath was to be heard (aside from Bruce, who had started to hum a tune quietly), until they realized there had only been a soft _plop_ and Loki was covered in confetti.

“Explain. _This_ ”, Natasha hissed and let the god's hair go. He grinned, rubbing his scalp, and replied sweetly: “Oh, I am not sure. It appears you have not loaded it the right way, have you?” The spy's expression turned even more murderous.

“This is the point where you should run”, Tony whispered, but Loki's grin only widened.

“Oh, but I am still _far_ from finished!”, he responded. “You might want to check your suit over.”

The engineer gasped. “You—you didn't break anything, did you?”, he demanded and received a small chuckle as answer.

“I can promise it will work just fine.” Oh, because Loki seemed _so_ reliable at the moment. And that sounded _so_ trustworthy just now.

“I'm gonna try that now”, he muttered and hurried towards the elevator that would bring him to the penthouse and the landing pod. He was having a really, really bad feeling about this. “JARVIS, how's my suit? Did anything bad happen to my baby?”

“The suit appears to be fully functional, sir”, the AI replied, and did he only imagine that or did JARVIS sound amused?

Slowly, Tony made his way over the landing pod, piece for piece coming into place without any alarming sounds or events (like explosions or confetti showers). Eventually, he stood there fully armoured and nothing had happened.

So the trickster had decided to spare him – how kind.

Grinning and still armoured he made his way back to the kitchen, already hearing the yelling when the elevator opened. Judging by the deep, vibrating voice, Thor had arrived.

He heard Natasha, too: "You put _what_ into Bruce's tea?!"

"Well, I did not want to make him _angry_ ", Loki replied. "To me, he looks very comfortable."

"That's because he's about as high as Stark Tower!", Clint shot back.

"I think he looks... _happy_."

The millionaire chose that moment to step into the doorway and the first thing he saw was Steve, dressed in his suit – or what had used to be his suit: Now it was made of skin-tight, shining black leather and had clips and chains everywhere.

Steve did _not_ look happy. _Hot_ , yes, but not happy at all.

He was scolding Loki, who seemed not really affected by his threats but more content with his work as he let his eyes wander down the well-trained body in front of him. Tony could relate. Some people would kill for that sight.

Next to the captain, Thor was complaining and Tony just _had_ to laugh as he saw him; his blonde hair was made up in two thick braids with big red ribbons at the ends that apparently wouldn't come off. He looked like a school girl with a beard.

His laugh made the others notice him: Clint, who had been rampaging about the god writing “Phil Coulson” on the heart shaped arrowheads, looked up and his jaw dropped while Natasha, who had been busy with doing something about the confetti in her gun, burst into laughter.

“Holy shit, Tony”, Clint laughed, “you should really wear that more often!”

“What?”, the millionaire asked, confused, as the whole kitchen started to chuckle. “In case you didn't notice, I'm wearing it all the time when we're out on the field.”

“Look, it's the Iron Fairy!”, the archer exclaimed and eventually Tony lifted a hand in front of his face to stare at it.

At his hand.

Down at his suit.

Back at his hand.

Back down at his suit.

His _pink_ suit.

“Mischief managed”, Loki announced, beaming widely.

Then he spun on his heel and ran for his life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'm not even the least bit sorry.  
>  Also, things are going down in the next chapter. And the next. Aaaand the next.


	27. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds Loki after his pranking attack. Then, things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you one happy chapter. You got one. Now I'm gonna do what I can do best.

Tony (without his armour now) found the god half an hour later on the roof, the wind playing with his hair and a smile still tugging at his lips.

“Are you here to execute me?”, he asked playfully and Tony just responded: “I might.” He stood beside Loki at the railing, looking at the pale, but blue winter sky. “Bit cold up here, isn't it?”, the millionaire asked.

“Yes, but this was the most unlikely place to be visited by one of you”, the god answered, grinning. “But if you want, we could go inside.”

“Great. 'Cause I'm freezing.”

“I thought so.” They made their way to the kitchen together. “I guess that I should better avoid the others right now?”, Loki mused, smiling. He rarely smiled that much, probably he had missed playing pranks a lot.

“They'll calm down if you reverse the whole stuff. I think that in the end we'll all be laughing about it”, Tony replied and stopped for a moment. “Wait, you _can_ reverse it, right?”

Loki averted his eyes and sucked in a deep breath, the smile suddenly vanishing. “I... well, there is a problem about _reversing_...”, he muttered. “My powers are not fully recovered yet and...” The millionaire's eyes widened. “I mean, I can _try_ ”, the god added hastily, “but...”

“Wait. You're not telling me I gotta fly out there in a pink suit, are you?”, he demanded. Loki remained silent, shuffling on his feet uncomfortably.

Tony stared at him, the god finally raised his eyes to meet the other's. One second, two, three, four...

Loki burst out laughing, laughing _hard_ , clutching his stomach and cringing with the force of his laughter shaking his shoulders. "Gods, Stark", he gasped, "your look was _priceless_. Of course I can reverse it! What a sorcerer would I be if I could not?”

“God, you scared me”, Tony sighed and then he, too, started to snicker. “But really, what you did to Clint's arrows was just awesome. His _look_ , god! I think he was close to ripping your head off.”

“I actually liked Thor's hair”, Loki replied while they entered the now empty kitchen. “Braids look _so_ good on him.”

“Yeah, that was great. But Natasha's reaction – I really believed she'd gone absolutely crazy there. Ah, I could kiss you for that”, he chuckled.

“Feel free to do as you wish”, the god answered.

“Yeah, well, no. I like my balls attached to me, thank you very much.” Tony started to make a sandwich for himself – after all, he had missed out breakfast due to this whole chaos – as he noticed the silence in the kitchen. Slowly he turned around to find Loki staring at him, leaning against a wall. There was no trace of humour on his face. Hesitantly he asked: “You... are you serious?”

No response. And if Tony hadn't played _that_ game before, he should be damned. That had been an _invitation_. And if he was about to kiss the former enemy – hey, he was a playboy, that was in the job description. No one could blame him.

He put the knife aside, keeping every hint of a smile or amusement from his expression as he started to approach Loki and laid his hands to the wall on either side of him. The god stared at him, his expression blank, but he was clearly alert and following his every move with his eyes.

Slowly Tony leaned in, but he didn't kiss Loki. Instead he moved his lips right to the shell of his ear and whispered: “So you want a kiss, Sleeping Beauty?” The suppressed shiver was just delicious. Teasing, he traced the line of the other's jaw with his lips, down his neck and felt a shudder when he bit just below the god's ear. He was rewarded by a shuddering exhale from Loki and – god, why hadn't he done this much _sooner_?!

“Delicious”, he muttered. Yes, delicious he was. “You know, maybe you don't even get a kiss. I could just bend you over the table now and –”

“Hell, no, Tony, get a room!”

Startled, the engineer spun around. It took him a few seconds to find the source of the voice.

“Clint? Why are you sitting on my fridge?”

“Why are you making out with Loki in the kitchen?”, the archer retorted.

“The fridge, Clint?”, Loki asked, sounding as composed as ever. “ _Again_?” Tony glanced over to him.

“I have that feeling there's a story behind this”, he mumbled while the archer jumped down to the floor and shrugged. “Shouldn't you be with Phil?”

“Out on a mission again. He's already as busy as before...” For a moment, Clint's gaze trailed off, but then he smiled. “Guess that's a good sign. Actually I wanted to wait here for you”, he gestured at Loki, “to, as Tony put it, rip your head off, but since you seem to be busy”, he grinned, “maybe that can wait. I wouldn't dare to interrupt you. But clean up behind you, lovebirds.”

“It's _my_ house, I decide where to clean up ”, the millionaire muttered while the other man left the kitchen, probably not even hearing it anymore. Then, he turned around. “Jeez, you can't finish _one_ damn thing here. So , where were–”

He was pulled forward and in the next moment, there was a hand tangled in his hair, pulling his head back, another one in his neck, and warm lips on his. Tony gave a surprised huff, but relaxed after a second – this was what he had been aiming for, wasn't it? – and wrapped his arms around the god's neck, pulling him down and even closer.

There was a bite on his lower lip, not forceful enough to draw blood, but still painful enough to make him gasp and allow a playful tongue access. Loki was demanding, but also somehow careful in his own way. It was a strange combination, but he seemed reluctant with every new move and only continued when Tony made clear he was completely okay with it. Still, he was clearly dominant.

They parted when oxygen was beginning to run short, but stayed so close they could still feel each other's breath while catching their own.

“I see”, Tony muttered, “they call you Silvertongue for a reason.” He received a weak grin, followed by a faint “Thank you” that he didn't really know how to interpret – thank you for not killing me? For treating my injuries? For complimenting me? For kissing me?

Loki, who was looking pretty sombre all of sudden, averted his eyes, let his arms drop from Tony's waist and neck to his own sides and tried to take a step back, but the engineer held him in place with the hands still clawed in the back of his shirt. He didn't kiss _that_ bad, did he?

“Where do you think you're going?” The god looked at him and Tony saw the uncertainty, the surprise in his eyes. What, was Loki thinking he hadn't wanted this?! (Alright, he _had_ told him he didn't love him. But did he _believe_ that?) “You're not gonna leave me with just _one_ kiss, are you?”, he added. That seemed to expel whatever had bothered the prince.

The engineer was grabbed by the shoulders and shoved back until he hit the kitchen table and stumbled so he was splayed out on the tabletop. He grinned.

“Whoa, are we in a hu-mph!” He was cut off by a pair of lips pressing on his while Loki climbed onto the table on top of him, straddling his hips and holding the millionaire in place with hands on his shoulders, kissing him as if world's end was near.

“Loki”, Tony panted – ah, no, he didn't pant, he was just a little out of breath, and only a little, really – as he pulled away for air, “we're in the kitchen and there could – mmmhhh.” The god had found that sensitive little spot where his neck connected with the shoulder and– “Oh god, don't leave bite marks, if you leave marks I'll have to explain—shit, do that again.”

He felt Loki chuckle against his skin before the god started to trace the line of his neck upwards to his jaw. Impatient, Tony tilted his head to the side and caught him in a kiss.

Somehow he had this feeling as if someone was to walk into them – nah, whom was he kidding, the only question was _who_ was to do it. When all the Avengers were at his place, the kitchen never stayed empty for long. Probably someone would want to make up for breakfast soon.

His thoughts were wiped away when he felt Loki fiddling with his button-up-shirt while he was proving the Silvertongue thing thoroughly. Tony buried his hands in the god's hair and pulled him back because apparently godly lungs were more endurable than his.

“Needa... breath”, he managed and bit his own lip to suppress a moan when Loki's hands trailed down his sides, barely touching his skin. “Should... change room. Kitchen... mealtime... really bad.”

“As you wish”, Loki replied (how did that bastard sound so composed?) and suddenly Tony's vision vanished in a swirl of black and green, but before he could take in the strange sensation, it was gone again and he felt himself lying on a softer surface. It took him a few seconds to get he was in Loki's bedroom – on top of his bed, actually – and the god was already busy with undoing his shirt again. Something had to be done about that.

With an experienced movement (there was a _lot_ of practice in it) Tony flipped the two of them over and grinned: “You didn't actually think you'd be on top, did you?”

“I am pretty... confident I will”, the god answered with a cocky smile, but didn't struggle when the other bent down to him, running his hands over the still clothed chest while he kissed him passionately, sliding a knee between his legs, spreading them just a little bit and finally eliciting a small moan.

“Stark, you –” Finally, he sounded breathless. Would be ridiculous if Tony couldn't work him up a little, right?

“I think we're close enough now for you to call me by my first name”, he interrupted, slightly teasing, a grin crossing his features. He didn't leave Loki the time to enjoy his new privilege though but instead captured his lips again, nibbling on the lower one while he let his hands slide under the god's shirt (dark green and button up – not that he would care much, he just wanted it gone). “ _This_ needs to get off.”

For a second, he considered to just rip it open, but then he decided to unbutton it slowly, following the trace of newly exposed white skin with his lips, only to feel Loki squirming underneath him. When he reached the fourth button, there were slender hands in his hair and Tony was entirely willing to let himself be guided into a hot, messy kiss. He felt strong legs wrapping themselves around his waist and pulling him down, seamless against Loki's body, and groaned at the resulting friction.

Out of breath, he propped himself up on his elbows to look at the god, the already tousled black hair with loose, black strands hanging into his face, the flush on the pale cheeks and the glowing green eyes...

Wait a second, glowing green eyes?

“What are you using magic for?”, he demanded and Loki frowned.

“What?” A short hesitation. “For... a lot of things. Why does this occur to you right now?”

“Because I want to know what you're using it for _right now_ ”, the engineer pointed out. He felt Loki stiffening underneath him.

“Is that... important?”, the god asked slowly and his tone made Tony feel even more uncomfortable. The green glow in his eyes did not subside.

“Since you obviously don't want to tell me, it _has_ to be important”, he replied. “Seriously, what's up?” _Do I want to know the answer?_

“I... I have...” It was rare to see the god of lies struggling with words, and it didn't calm Tony down the least bit. More like the opposite. “You don't really need to know.”

And now,  _that_ had been a  _huge_ mistake. He had just started to trust Loki again, and now this?

“I don't need to know?!”, Tony repeated. “Oh, come on, what kind of joke is that? Loki, what are you _doing_?”

The prince gritted his teeth and glared up at him before he hissed: “ _Fine_ .”

He shoved Tony to the side, almost roughly, and shuffled back until he sat with his back to the headboard of the bed, and started unbuttoning his shirt with fast, jerky movements. He didn't pull it off though, but stared into the engineer's eyes while the green light in his own subsided and made way for the pale winter blue Tony was used to. Then, Loki took a deep breath and pulled the fabric of the shirt aside.

Tony's breath caught in his throat at the display and for a few seconds, he just stared.

“I told you you didn't need to know”, the god whispered, his anger gone and not meeting the other's eyes while he pulled the shirt over his skin again. He covered the black lines originating from the wound caused by the Other's blade just days ago, but the image of the complex net of lines on the white skin had already burned itself into Tony's memory.

“What is that?”, he whispered, crawling forward so he could sit in front of the other and gently tugging Loki's hand aside. It was limp and the god still wouldn't meet his eyes when he answered: “The reason why I told you not to touch the blade. It was poisoned. I was cut and...” He exhaled a breath. “I still got three days or maybe four.”

Tony winced and sucked in a sharp breath. “Three days until _what_?” No answer. But he didn't really need one. “And you weren't going to _tell_ us?”, he breathed. “Bruce knew about it, right? That's what you talked about to him. He's _hiding_ it from us? Why?” He didn't get an answer. “Wait, what about the SHIELD doctors? How did you make _them_ shut up?”

“Magic makes many things possible”, the god replied quietly and suddenly Tony had to think of Loki saying goodbye to each of them. He had touched them, every single one. There had to be some strange magical trick in that.

“You sneaky bastard.”

Loki snorted. “Well, thank you.”

“But _why_?” He looked up into the god's eyes and then back down onto his chest. “We could have found a solution, we still can, three days are plenty of time, I...” A finger was laid onto his lips, silencing him. When he looked up at Loki's face, he found him smiling.

“There is no way to reverse it, believe me”, he stated. “But, really, it is not that bad. See it like this: I had a life which was incredibly long, measured by your standards and I... I still got time to... make amends, to make my peace and...”

“ _Make your peace_? Is that what you're doing?”, Tony interrupted with a vague gesture to their half-clothed bodies, to him still kneeling between Loki's legs.

“That is not what I was saying”, he sighed. “I thought it would be inappropriate to leave without being able to tell you...” The god's voice trailed off as well as his eyes that were now following a plane on the sky outside.

“Tell me what?”, the millionaire demanded. “Tell me you, you... you were dying? You were just smiling and playing pranks on us and getting closer and growing to all of us and sneaking your way into that sick little family we are, just to, to leave without warning, not even fucking _trying_ to let us help you 'cause you don't even trust us enough to –”

“To tell you I've fallen for you, you fool!”, Loki snapped, cutting him off. “I wanted to tell you, and I wanted to do it _right_ and not like this, I wanted to wait for the right moment. I wanted you to know. But I did not want for you to know about _this_ ”, he gestured at the wound and his voice now became louder with every word, “because I did not want to spend the days I have left in a laboratory seeking an antidote that _does not exist_ because _you_ don't trust _me_ enough to believe me for once when I tell you there is _no point_ in searching for it!”

Tony was silent, taken aback by Loki's outburst. He tried to wrap his mind around this new knowledge but failed; tried and failed again – but not really, because somehow, he had understood what Loki was telling him. It felt like something was creeping up his spine, making him shiver from a cold he couldn't fight with bodily heat.

“You idiot”, he whispered, his voice strained as he fought against the tears that were suddenly welling up in his eyes. “You fucking idiot.”

“Anthony, you...”

“Shut up. Just don't talk.” He bit his lip, bit down onto it until he tasted his own blood because like hell he was going to cry in front of Loki.

But when the god grabbed his shoulders gently and shifted them so both of them laid on their sides, pulled him close, holding him tightly and stroking his hair like _he_ was the one needing consolation, he buried his face in the crook of this white neck in front of him like it was the last time he was going to do it, like the world was going to end.

Because somehow, it was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha, took them long enough!  
> To understand Loki's comment with "The fridge again?", you should have read Making Amends (part three of the Insomnia series).  
> Aaaaaand we're getting closer to the end of the story. About five chapters left, I guess.  
> This time, I think I'm even sorry.


	28. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is not going to waste his last days with Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've all been waiting for this, haven't we?

“Would you stop mourning for me before I am even dead?”, Loki asked, although the question was soft and lacked his usual venom, taking the edge from it.

“Shut up, you bastard”, Tony whispered, pulling the god closer with his arms tightening around his chest. “Don't even know why I'm cryin' for you, you...” Another choked sob cut him off and he felt Loki's sigh at his hairline while the god kept running his fingers through the tousled locks.

“This is why I did not want to tell you. I didn't plan my last days to be spent like this.”

“Shut _up_ ”, the engineer repeated. Of course Loki was right. That was not the way he would want to spend his last days, either – actually, he had spent those he had thought to be his last having as much fun as possible, including car racing – well, _and_ fighting some crazy Russian, but that hadn't exactly been a part of his plans.

The god seemed to notice he had silenced a little because he took in a breath to say something, but Tony prevented him from saying anything stupid by sealing his lips with a kiss, not even bothering with wiping away his tears first.

Loki seemed surprised, but didn't pull back by any means. Instead, he leaned in and used the hand that had been caressing the engineer's hair just moments ago to pull him closer, and he didn't even complain when Tony turned them so he was on top of him again.

“You're still gonna bottom”, he muttered, only breaking the kiss for a second while pushing the god's shirt down his white shoulders, taking a second to admire the well-defined muscles before sinking his teeth into a temptingly soft spot at the pale neck.

He was so not going to waste his last days with Loki.

His knee found its way back between the god's legs, pushing them apart, which caused Loki to gasp. Tony took the opportunity to slid his tongue between the parted lips to be greeted by another one that was clearly not ready to give up dominance.

They split up for second to breathe and the god whispered: “You are going to be receiving.” So he was not the only one who had made his decision.

Maybe what was going to happen was inevitable, maybe it was not; but there was no point in thinking about it now. Loki didn't want him or anyone else mourning him before there was a reason to, and Tony understood; he understood and complied. He was not going to waste the time they had left drowning in sorrow when the object of it was still _there_ , still alive, still not just surviving but _living_. So maybe it was selfish to ignore the fact he didn't have much time left, but he knew Loki wanted it this way, and Tony accepted and understood it. He didn't need to give himself a headache thinking about it. For three more days, he would be able to pretend (to himself, too) that everything was fine.

“I'm on top.” Before he had time to talk further, his lips were claimed again. Tony felt Loki's fingers undoing the last closed buttons on his shirt before ripping it off and tossing it to the side so both of their chests were bare. The arc reactor painted them in several shades of light blue and when the millionaire straightened himself a little, he could see the prince eyeing it fascinated. “Yup, it's a great night light.” He distracted the god by nibbling at the spot on his neck again that seemed to be so very sensitive while his hands wandered up the insides of his thighs, gently pushing them apart. A weak moan escaped Loki's lips. “I start to think you like this more than you wanna admit”, Tony teased lowly.

As a response, there were firm hands seizing his backside and pulling him forward so his crotch hit the other's, causing the engineer to groan at the sudden mixture of pain and pleasure.

Neither of them spoke much in the following hours. It was fascinating to see how Loki reacted to Tony's actions, and more than once the engineer had to remind himself that the god hadn't been touched – not like _this_ – in years. He was sensitive, which was fascinating, even the lightest touch could draw a reaction out of him, but sometimes he would flinch and take deep, steadying breaths for a second before he made a gesture for Tony to continue, and he would do it, but remind himself to be careful. He memorized everything that was uncomfortable to Loki and although neither of them spoke it out loud, he knew the god was grateful for it

The kisses they shared were desperate and greedy, and both of them held on to the other the whole time, never losing contact, always keeping each other close like a drowning man clung onto a barrel, like the other could disappear at any second.

Loki mapped the scar tissue around the arc reactor with his tongue, but didn't dig into the memories connected with it, and Tony traced the black lines on the god's chest more than once, but refused to let the fate that was hanging over them like the executioner's axe set the course of his actions.

Because Loki had been right: Maybe it were his last days, but he was going to make them count.

 

~*~

 

When Tony woke up, it was – for the first time in what felt like forever – not because of a nightmare or a panic attack, but because he felt rested and had just slept enough to be rested. And he was warm, splayed out on top of Loki, and there were arms wrapped around him that held him close and content.

Carefully, he turned around which made Loki stir a little, but he only nuzzled himself up to the neck of the other, laying half on top of him, and inhaled his characteristic, fresh smell of a winter morning, accompanied by sweat and sex and he found it suited him. A lot.

After a few minutes, he drifted off again, half asleep and feeling good for once. He was startled awake by the sound of the door opening some time later, followed by a voice calling out: “Loki, you've had your fun, now turn my – oh. _Oh. Jesus_ , Tony, after what he did yesterday, you shouldn't _reward_ him.”

Groaning, the engineer turned towards the door, shifting himself into a half-upright position, and saw Clint casually leaning at the wall beside it. He was smirking and illuminated by the light of the sun that was creeping over the horizon. _Again_? Just how long had he slept?

“Clint, what're you doin' in my bedroom at... JARVIS?”

“Six thirty-seven in the morning, sir.” Wait a moment, he had hooked up with Loki in the kitchen at about breakfast time, meaning, about nine in the morning. And now, it was morning _again_ and he couldn't recall a single nightmare the whole time. If _that_ was no record, he didn't know what was.

“So, at six-thirty?”, he finished and felt the god stir underneath him.

“I didn't actually expect you to be asleep 'cause you never actually are when you say you go to bed”, the archer pointed out with a glance towards their only half-covered bodies. “Although, I didn't expect him to be here either. So, you've had fun, huh?” Loki made a muffled sound and pulled Tony back down onto his chest.

“We had. _Plenty_. And now let me sleep”, the god mumbled. That brought him surprised glances from both humans, but the archer quickly said: “Fine, I'll let you have your wake-up-sex, as soon as I...” Tony looked at him and gasped as he saw the phone in his hands. “... did this.” After he had finished his sentence, he spun around and disappeared down the hallway.

“Oh, that bastard”, the engineer growled and tried to untangle himself from the sheets, but Loki's arms held him in place.

“Where do you think you are going?”, he asked and blinked the sleep out of his eyes to glare at Tony from under his dark lashes. The millionaire smiled.

“Nowhere, as it seems”, he replied and slumped back down onto the other's chest. Through half-open eyes he examined the black lines stretching across the god's pale skin and although he hated to spoil the mood, he muttered: “Are you going to tell the others?”

It took a few seconds for Loki to reply and when he did, it was reluctant: “I would like very much not to, it would create the tense atmosphere I was trying to avoid. You would do me a great favour if you kept it to yourself.” He grimaced. “I really don't want to deal with Thor rambling about my decisions.”

“Okay”, the engineer said. “If you don't want them to know, I won't tell them, and I promise I'm not going to research about this, even though it bugs me. If you say there's no cure, then I believe you.” The words were a painful confession, like he had just signed a contract that said there was no way back, no way to help Loki.

“Thank you”, the god whispered. Then he smiled a little – Tony couldn't see it, but it was audible in his voice as he added: “And I assume Barton has already told the others about _this_ , so there is no way to avoid they get to know about it, right?”

“Um, yes, I guess...”

“Great.” Loki smiled tiredly.

“Great? That means you're okay with them kn–“

“That means you can stay in bed. Now be quiet.” The god pulled him down, back onto his chest, and closed his eyes.

Tony grinned. “So the big, evil Loki is a secret cuddler.”

“It is a very well-kept secret. And now you may shut up.”

And Tony obeyed – at least, for about five minutes before he started stirring again. Loki groaned.

“You cannot keep still for five minutes, can you?”

“That _were_ five minutes, I'm sure. But not longer.  So, wanna take a bath, Snowflake?” Loki tensed and Tony immediately regretted his words. “Ah, sorry, I've got a weakness for nicknames”, he apologized hastily. “I didn't mean to–“

“I am not”, Loki said quietly, “stepping into water that's deeper than my ankle.” Tony froze and watched the god close his eyes and inhale deeply, slow, even breaths to calm himself, and the engineer felt Loki's heart race underneath his white skin. _Oh._ A flare of anger burned inside his chest as he understood what Loki was talking about. _That bastards._

Carefully, he shifted their positions so they came to lay beside each other so he could pull the god closer and sooth him with one hand in his hair, the other on the small of his back. Loki didn't loose his composure entirely, but the millionaire felt the slight tremor of his limbs and the hammering pulse pressed against his chest so he kept reassuring the other until he felt the tension leave slowly.

He didn't demand any information, because as much as he wished for it he knew Loki was not in the condition to talk about it and it would spoil the lazy morning mood completely. Anyway, it shocked Tony that even as much as mentioning it triggered such a reaction. Five years were a damn long time after all, even for someone who lived that a thousand times.

 _I cannot think of anything he did_ not _do._ Loki's words from the day that seemed so far away now echoed in his head over and over again.

“We can take a shower if you want”, Tony offered quietly and felt the god giving a small nod before they both shifted into an upright position. The engineer was just about to step out of the bed when he stopped dead in his tracks once again. “ _Wait_.”

“Hm?” Loki turned towards him with a questioning gaze. “What is it?”

“But you're afraid of the water, how – I mean, the day at the lake, you _jumped_ in there and you gave me your breath and... _how_?”, he stammered.

“Ah”, the prince made and shrugged. “It was unavoidable at that time. You could have died if I had not done anything. I had no choice.”

Tony tried to recall the events. After the incident, Loki had immediately retreated to his room and not shown up again until dinner, and he had been shaking and awfully pale when he had done so. The millionaire had blamed it on the cold and not even thought about it later in all the chaos that had happened later that day, but now that he did, it could have been the verge of a panic attack, too. Loki had been fighting to keep his composure the entire time.

 _And he hadn't noticed anything._ God, he was so stupid.

“Are you well?”, the god asked and interrupted his thoughts. Tony sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, kinda”, he replied. “Let's get under the shower, I've got things I want to do to you.”

 

~*~

 

As they entered the kitchen one and a half hour later, Tony was grabbed by his arm and pulled aside. As he looked up, he met Thor's eyes and gulped. Of course Clint had showed around the pictures – what had he expected? And now he seemed to have a problem.

Just that he didn't.

Thor was smiling at him broadly and clapped him on the shoulder with inhuman force. The engineer hoped his knees would not give in.

“I congratulate you”, he said and looked happy, really happy. “Very few manage to get through to my brother and that he chose you is proof enough for me that you are worthy. There is just one thing I want to say.”

“Go on, big guy”, Tony encouraged him (as if he needed it). The thunderer was still beaming at him.

“Should you break Loki's heart, I shall break your skull.”

“How can you say those things smiling like that?”, he asked and glanced in Loki's direction for support. He knew the enhanced sensory perception of the gods well enough and judging by the almost malicious grin on his face, Loki could hear every single word. “Don't worry, I'll be more careful with him than with my cars. Even than with the Audi. Just please don't break my neck.”

Thor clapped him on the shoulder again and grinned. “It is good we have an understanding. Then you should attend breakfast now.”

And apparently, he had just gotten the shovel talk from Thor. Before he really had the chance to get his mind wrapped around _that_ , Steve waved at them and called out: “Tony, get here, the pancakes are done!”

“Pancakes?” He grinned. “Steve, you're my favourite super soldier in the world.”

“I think I'm the only one you know”, Steve pointed out while he took a seat on the table. “Aren't you going to sit down with us?”

Tony cleared his throat and leaned against the kitchen counter. “I think I'd rather stand.”

Clint choked on his coffee at that, Natasha threw Tony a knowing glance and Bruce just pretended not to have heard that. Thor nudged Loki with his elbow and his younger brother just grinned while sucking a drop of syrup from his thumb. Ten seconds after everyone else, Steve seemed to understand the only half-hidden meaning of that and turned fifty shades of red.

Before he could say anything though, Clint demanded: “Wait,  _you're_ bottom? I thought Loki was a total –“ He stopped as he felt the gaze of the god on him.

“Yes, agent Barton?”, Loki inquired sweetly. “Please, tell me what you thought. But also consider I might rip out your vocal chords and strangle you with them if I happen to dislike your answer.”

“Forget it, wasn't important anyway”, the archer muttered and stared at the ceiling.

“I thought so”, the god said contently and smirking.

No one asked any more questions after that.

 

~*~

 

“Wait, you want what?” Tony looked at Loki, incredulity clearly written on his face. In capital letters.

“I need to see my mother”, the god replied. “At least... once more.” A lump sat in the engineer's throat as the meaning of the words sunk in. Of course.

“Just your mother?”, he asked anyway, in an attempt to stir a conversation, but apparently it was exactly the wrong thing to say because the prince's expression hardened immediately.

“I am not going back to meet Odin”, he stated sharply. “He wants me dead, and thus I have no reason to search for his company.”

“Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit?”, Tony asked carefully. “I mean, if he'd really want to see you dead, he could have just sentenced you to death back then, couldn't he?”

“He _did_ , Anthony”, Loki replied, took a deep breath to stay calm and continued: “Just think about it. He stripped me of my magic and sent me to the one realm I had only enemies on. It was pure coincidence you let me live when we met at that forest. Any other teammate of yours would immediately have killed me, and my face is well-known to any organization of law here. But he is clever, I grant Odin that. He set the conditions for me to retrieve my magic in a way he didn't think I'd ever be able to fulfil, so I would stay helpless. Even if I would not be killed by Midgardians, I would have died as a mortal in near time. His plan was perfect.” His gaze lingered on Tony. “Except for the fact that he seems to have underestimated me. Or, in a matter of fact, _you_.”

The terrifying logic of what Loki had just said triggered unpleasant memories in the engineer. Father figures trying to get rid of their 'sons'... But now was not the time to think about that.“Yeah, guess you... you're right.” He swallowed and lowered his eyes, hands buried in his pockets. They were alone in the kitchen since the team had finished breakfast and everyone had gone to whatever they did in the morning. “Um, Snowflake?”

“Yes?” Oh, no complaints about the nickname.

“Just one thing.” He grabbed Loki by the collar and pulled him down for a gentle kiss, no tongue, just the god's lips on his, and he felt strong arms wrapping around him tightly, holding him close like he was never to be let go.

It was a last time, he knew that, and although he tried to push the thought into the back of his mind, it would be a lie to say he succeeded. The day before (or the night) had been something else, so full of passion it was easy to forget everything else. Now it was different though; the prospect of Loki leaving, leaving _forever_ , was painfully present in his mind.

When they parted, Tony stuffed his hands back into his pockets. He hated goodbyes, he hated them so much.

“'See you' is not the right term now, huh?”, he mumbled, eyes glued to the ground again. Loki's fingers cupped his chin gently and his head was lifted up so he had to look at the prince's soft smile.

“There is always a next time, Anthony”, he said, barely above a whisper. “Do not fret over the inevitable.”

“That's human nature”, the millionaire replied with a shrug. “But I'll try, promise.” And then he pulled Loki close again, not in a kiss, but a tight embrace, his head nuzzled in the curve of his neck to inhale the winter morning smell for what was probably the last time. It was accompanied by the faint aroma of Tony's shampoo.

 _I love you_ , he thought, realizing they had never actually said it. But he still only thought it, because speaking it out loud would change nothing but make things harder. _I love you_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good night, y'all... And no, I couldn't leave out Thor's shovel talk. I think Avengers breakfast scenes should become a thing. Or a sitcom, maybe.


	29. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony needs a distraction (and maybe a little bit of comfort), and Bruce is just too willing to help out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today, sorry...^^

The whole team gathered on the roof to say their goodbyes (and if they only knew how final they were) when Thor and Loki left for Asgard. _For a visit_ , as Loki had put it. The mood was light, it wasn't anything special to anyone but Tony, Bruce and Loki. The others were blissfully ignorant about what was going on. For them, it was nothing unusual, Thor used to travel between realms a lot.

“Until next time, my friends!”, Thor boomed, and Loki added, much more quiet: “Stay safe.” And if he was looking only at Tony when he said that, well, it might be a coincidence, or it might be a warning to keep his pathetic little mortal body safe, he wasn't sure. But he nodded, and smiled, and didn't say anything because he didn't trust his voice not to betray him if he did.

The golden flash of the Bifröst opening and swallowing the brothers felt like a weight that settled down on Tony's chest, adding to the pull of the reactor and making itself painfully present when the light subsided and showed a Thor-and-Loki-shaped hole in the scenery.

For two or three seconds, there was silence, then Clint nudged Natasha and muttered: “Hey, I gotta show you something. It's urgent and you might want to kill me for it, but I want to anyway.” Steve cleared his throat and said something about better tagging along to minimize collateral damage and the supersoldier-assassin-trio vanished into the building, leaving only Bruce and Tony outside, the latter still staring at the now empty spot on the roof.

After regarding him for a few seconds, Bruce laid a hand on his friend's shoulder, startling him, and Tony took a deep breath before he turned around, flashed the other man a smile and said: “Sorry, I was kinda lost in thought. So, want to go down to the lab? There's something I wanted to try out.” He was aware that Bruce didn't buy his attitude – he knew Tony long enough to look through most of his charades, and he really wasn't at his best right now.

But fortunately, the scientist didn't bring the matter up when they both headed down for the laboratories. Only after they had stepped out of the elevator and Tony had typed in the security code, the engineer mumbled quietly: “He told me, you know.”

Bruce's expression became wary as he asked cautiously: “Who told you what?”

“Loki”, Tony answered, not wanting to avoid the matter any longer. “About the poisoning. You were really going to keep it a secret, weren't you?”

Bruce's stance fell like there was a weight taken from his shoulders and he sighed deeply, apparently relieved. “Yes”, he muttered. “I promised. But honestly, it was horrible. Especially after Clint came into the kitchen and told us you two were... you know, intimate with each other.” He leaned back against a workbench. “I wanted to tell you so badly, but I hate breaking promises. So I kept it to myself but... I'm glad I don't have to anymore. You know, Loki might be annoying sometimes, and I really don't approve of him drugging my tea, but he sort of grew on me.”

“You tell me”, Tony said with a weak smile. "You know, I tried to convince myself otherwise, but we weren't just fuck buddies. He... he even told me, but I was too much of a coward to tell _him_ , I really thought it would be better if I didn't and now I... I regret it, Bruce.” His voice was a strained whisper by now and he stared fixedly at his hands. At some point, he didn't even remember when, he had grabbed a wrench which he was now fidgeting with. “I think we... we could've been something.” Now, now that he knew that could never happen, the admission was far more painful.

“Tony...”, Bruce began quietly, but the engineer shook his head.

“It's unfair”, he whispered. “We were only just getting started, and we could've been something... I mean, knowing me and relationships, okay, I'd probably have screwed it up sooner or later, but like this, we didn't even have the chance to try it out. I mean, it's not impossible that it would have worked out, is it? But I... fuck, I'm such a sissy, I didn't even _tell_ him.”

He felt the other scientist's hand on his shoulder and looked up.

“I know it's not helping now, probably more like the opposite”, Bruce said, “but I think you two would've worked out. I mean, you're both a little self-destructive, gotta give you that, and you both don't seem to acknowledge the fact that sleep is necessary to live, but maybe you are – I mean”, he hesitated and swallowed, “...would have been good for each other.”

Tony huffed a joyless little laugh, still twisting and turning the wrench in his hands. “Yeah, I...” He swallowed and tried to keep his voice from cracking. “I just... _fuck_ , this is not how it's supposed to be”, he breathed out. His vision was blurring out, and no, just no, he was not going to cry _again_. “I'm... this...” He looked up at his friend who still had a hand on his shoulder and watched him with worried, empathic dark eyes. “Can I... just for a moment...?”

“Of course”, Bruce replied quietly. Tony dropped the wrench that fell to the floor with a loud clattering sound and stepped forward, buried his face in the other scientist's shirt and wrapped his arms around his waist to have something to hold on to; he felt Bruce's arms around his shoulders, warm and steady, holding him tight and anchoring him.

Just like he had done when Pepper had broken up with him.

Just like he always did when Tony needed it.

“Thank you”, he muttered into the soft fabric under his cheek.

“No problem, you know that”, came the answer and Tony sighed quietly, gratefully. It was unbelievably reassuring that he could be sure _one_ person was never going to leave, and although he had put this kind of trust in others before and been disappointed, it was something else with Bruce. He was so steady, so calm in everything he did – his control over his alter ego was nearly perfect by now, and what had started in exercises to train himself had become a way of life for Bruce. He was calm, gentle and empathic, and although he was still afraid of himself sometimes, he was everything Tony could wish for in a friend.

Suddenly, the pling of the elevator made him flinch and he drew back slightly, turning around to face Clint who looked at him with a slightly puzzled, but amused expression.

“You know, Tony”, he said slowly, “I think I'm starting to think I've got a sixth sense for walking into you in awkward situations.”

Tony really didn't have anything to retort to that, because what should he say? _Hey, I'm not actually supposed to tell you, but the guy who just left wasn't just my fuck buddy and the only one who seemed to take notice was Thor, but he's never gonna be my boyfriend anyway 'cause he's going to die_. Not really an option. So he just cleared his throat and pointed out: “You didn't actually walk in on me last time. You were there first. And I'm still not going to ask what the hell you were doing on the fridge.” Lead the conversation away from himself. It wasn't all that difficult.

But unfortunately, Clint was a trained agent of SHIELD and although he wasn't quite as skilled at reading people as Natasha, Tony probably wasn't as good of a liar as he would have to be to fool him.

“Nice try.” The archer frowned and took the other's appearance in. “Tony, you look like –“

“Don't say it, I really don't need to hear that right now –“

“– shit warmed over.”

“Dammit, Barton.”

“Sorry.”

“Accepted. Now, I've got things to blow up, so what were you here for again?”

Clint _knew_ there was more behind it, Tony knew that he knew. But for some reason, he just shot him a look that made _very_ clear that he didn't buy one word of what the engineer had said and didn't dig any further as he explained: “There's something off about my quiver. I can usually fix it myself, but I just can't seem to find the error. If you'd just have a look at it –“

“Yeah, of course, I can do that”, Tony interrupted, relieved. “Just give - no, set it down over there, I'll have a look at that later. I promise I won't blow it up or something, and if I do, I'll repair it and it'll be more awesome than before. So, um, would you leave the genius to his work?”

“Yep, will do”, Clint replied and turned towards the other scientist with a mock-serious expression. “Bruce, if he harasses you, there's no need to be ashamed. We're always there for you. You can tell us everything.”

Bruce laughed quietly and assured: “Of course. Why would I keep anything from you, darling?”

“Are you _flirting_ with me?”

“Maybe.”

“Ooookay, I think I'm off. Bye!”

Tony stared at the elevator and turned to his friend. He cleared his throat and then grinned: “So, you've got a thing for Clint?”

“God, no!”, Bruce protested, blushing. “I just wanted to get him away from you! Besides, he's with Coulson.”

“Yeah, Brucie, I see”, Tony said, smirking. “No thing, not at all.”

“Nope.”

“Okay.” He turned towards a workbench and picked up a random tool, tossing it between two hands. He needed a distraction, and he needed it badly. And Bruce might just be his man. “Hey, you got some blood samples from Loki? He said there's no cure, but maybe I can at least have a look at it, right?”

“Yup, let's do that”, the scientist agreed.

They hated being unable to do something, and maybe the illusion of not being useless would help the both of them coping.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little random thought: I just re-read my first few chapters, and ugh, my English was horrible... Insomnia was the first thing I ever did in this language, and seeing how I struggled at the beginning, I'm honestly surprised you've all been sticking around until now.  
> Thank you! \^.^/


	30. Déjà-vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A portal is opening, Chitauri are coming out and... haven't we been through this already?

Two days after Thor and Loki left, things went to hell.

The morning was okay, Tony had even slept almost normally because he felt like he owned it to his divine lover ( _stay safe,_ Loki had said that to all of them while he explained he would return to Asgard “for a visit”. Of course he hadn't said that he was not going to return), although he caught himself frequently wondering what Loki was up to at the moment, because he _was_ still alive, right?

The team sat in the kitchen, having breakfast (surprisingly quiet because being only five instead of seven was still unusual to all of them), when the first explosion shook the tower.

In that same moment, JARVIS announced an incoming call from director Fury. Tony told him to connect.

“What the hell's up there?”, he demanded.

“Fucking Chitauri”, the director swore. “Get out there, all of you, I'll send some backup as well. I don't know what they use to open the portal, but it _is_ open, and there are a fucking lot of them coming out.” He continued giving orders while the Avengers began to suit up, meaning Clint, Steve and Natasha ran off to get their equipment, Bruce ran off to change forms on the street, and Tony ran off to get his hands on his suit.

All in all, it was a lot of running, and a few minutes later they were all out on the street, re-experiencing the incident that had happened just a few months ago. Tony tried to breathe very slowly and controlled and if he was not quite succeeding, it was just because of exhaustion. Yep, not panic. Not at all.

“Do you think Loki has something to do with this?”, Clint asked over the comm. He didn't address anyone in particular, but Tony knew he meant him.

“Unlikely”, he answered vaguely while blasting off the head of a Chitauri. “C'mon, Clint, even you should be able to trust him by now.” Because he would never do this again, right?

_Not out of his free will, at least._

“Yeah, I do”, the archer admitted. “But it's kinda... you know.”

“Yes, I know”, Tony replied. He was on his way to the portal to figure out what it was powered with. “It better not be Loki.”

_Speak of the devil._

A golden flash went down only a few hundred metres ahead, all blinding light and fancy sparkling Asgardian stuff, and when it subsided, Tony could make out two tiny figures standing on the street, one clad in red and silver and the other in black and green.

A grin spread on his face as he headed towards the newcomers and landed beside them just a few seconds later. Thor and Loki both turned towards him and he resisted the urge to hug the younger god. He looked paler than just a few days ago, but composed nonetheless as he greeted him with a professional, small smile.

“Backup, nice”, the engineer greeted, his voice metallic through the suit's speakers, and tossed two spare ear pieces towards each of them. “Thor, that's the non-lightning-resistant model, so you might want to be careful”, he informed.

“I shall try my best”, the thunderer agreed without wasting much time for formalities. Tony had a feeling the device wouldn't last long anyway.

“Then off with you”, he dismissed him and turned to Loki who was suited up in his full armour. “And you, Horny Helmet, do your worst.”

“Of course”, the god replied with a dangerous little smile. “Also, should I hear that ever again, I will rip your head off. Where is the portal?”

“I'm on my way, should I give you a ride?”

“What do you mean, a ri – _Stark!_ ” Tony laughed. He had grabbed the god by his waist and started the thrusters so he had no choice but clinging to him as he ascended to the sky.

“JARVIS, be a dear and turn off Loki's and my comm for a minute. And now, do I get a kiss?”, the millionaire asked once they were above the roofs and out of the shooting range of the Chitauri, snapping his face plate up and bringing the two of them into a more comfortable position. Loki's legs were wrapped around his waist and his arms folded behind his neck. The god's sigh was clearly exaggerated.

“If I must.” He leaned in, brushed his lips gently against the engineer's before turning it into a full kiss, filthy and all tongue and teeth. It was sweet nonetheless, because Tony hadn't actually expected to see Loki _ever_ again. He pushed the thought somewhere into the back of his mind.

They parted after a minute, hungry for more, but they both knew there were more important things to attend.

“Portal's over there”, Tony told him breathlessly while he changed the course. Loki clung to him in silence (Tony tried not to think about how that had to look like) until he, after a minute, suddenly gasped. “What's up?”

“He's here”, the god whispered. It was difficult to pick up, being barely more than a breath, but the fear in the words was enough to send a shiver through Tony.

“Who's here?”, he asked and was not sure he wanted an answer.

“ _He_. The Mad Titan. Thanos.” A short silence, then: “You need to let me down.”

“Wait, what? But we're still...”

Loki pushed himself away so he held on to Tony's shoulders with his arms stretched out and his legs still locked around his waist. It had to be an extremely funny picture, but neither of them was in the mood to laugh right now. The prince's tone was calm, reasonable, but stern as he said: “He must not see us together. Please, just let me handle him.”

The engineer snorted, stopped in mid-air and positioned them so they were hovering upright. He propped up his faceplate when he snapped: “Sure. Because it went _so_ well when you _handled_ him the last time.”

Loki's expression hardened and he immediately regretted his words. The god shot back: “I didn't have access to my magic back then. And I had no plan.” He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “Listen, Anthony. I know what I am going to do, but I cannot tell you yet. But it is important that whatever I do next, you _have_ to trust me.”

“Why can't you just tell me?”, Tony demanded. “It can't be that bad, can it?”

The prince looked at him in silence for a few seconds before he repeated: “Let me down, Anthony.”

“...All right.” He swallowed. “Don't do anything I wouldn't – ah, no, that's a bad advice.” Loki chuckled. “Just don't get yourself killed, okay?”

And was it a very bad sign that Loki didn't answer to that?

Tony set him down on a roof and the god took a deep breath before he nodded, turned around and teleported down onto the street.

The engineer ascended again and watched from above as Loki hurried through the streets of New York, avoiding every contact with Chitauri on his way. Sometimes, when they got too close, he vanished and reappeared a few metres further down the road, getting closer and closer to the portal.

This time, it was not floating high above the cuty but set up on a wide square, only a few feet over the ground. The millionaire watched in a mixture of fascination and horror how the reptiles spilled out of it, guided by a tall, hooded figure in front of it.

Loki stepped out of the shadowed streets onto the square and the figure, apparently Thanos, turned towards him. Tony couldn't hear anything from his high-up position, but he saw the god walking towards him. The Chitauri acted as though they didn't even see him.

Tony held his breath when Loki came to a halt in front of Thanos, stood there for a second and then dropped down to one knee. His voice, transmitted over the comm, felt like a slap in the face.

“Allow me to give you my greetings, master.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's short, I'm sorry! The next one is longer, definitely.   
> (And there are only three chapters left...)


	31. The final battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is no traitor, just a really cunning strategist. The only thing he does not take care of in his plan is himself.

“Allow me to give you my greetings, master.”

For a few seconds, there was stunned silence on the line. Then, the yelling started.

“Are you _kidding_ me? Lokes, what the hell?” Tony.

“Brother, what are you doing?” Thor.

“What the fuck?!” Clint.

“Loki, explain that!” Steve.

“HULK SMASH PUNY GOD!” Bruce. Obviously.

“What's that bastard doing?” Natasha.

Tony stared down at Loki kneeling in front of Thanos.

 _Whatever I do next, you_ have _to trust me._

“Guys, wait”, he said. “Shut up, all of – Clint, would you _stop_ shouting? I like my eardrums the way they are and we already have one guy in the team needing hearing aids. No offence, but _shut it_.” Slowly, the line got quieter again. “Don't do anything just yet. I think he's acting.” And he didn't try to convince himself here, because he believed Loki... right?

“Of course”, Loki said and Tony wasn't sure if it had been directed at them or Thanos. Maybe both. Then, the god continued: “They are all here. I took care myself that Thor was joining the battle, and I made sure there would be nothing to endanger the mothership like it happened the last time. I know the Avengers' weaknesses.” There was a sharp intake of breath from several persons. “I will not fail again.”

“Oh, no you didn't”, Tony breathed. “You bastard.” He angled his thrusters and flew towards the square the portal was on in full speed. “Trust me – my ass, you little...”

He saw Loki turning towards him, rising to his feet from the kneeling position he had been in before. Indistinctly, he heard Thanos' voice, but it was too faint to understand. To whatever he said, Loki just replied: “Please, wait a moment.” Then he raised a hand, and when Tony had almost reached him, he made a quick movement and –

“ _Fuck!_ ”, the engineer yelled when cold air suddenly hit his skin, followed by the concrete of the ground. “Jesus fucking Christ, what the – _fuck_!” His suit was _gone_. In the blink of an eye, just _gone_ and he hit the ground with the full speed of his flight. He slithered over the rough concrete, ripping his skin in the process, and spinning over several times. Something warm trickled down his forehead and blurred the sight of his left eye. From his crouched position on the floor, he could see Loki's black leather boots approaching fast.

“I remember telling you not to disturb me, Stark”, he said, his voice cold as ice. He crouched down and grabbed Tony by his collar, pulling him up so they were face to face. The engineer groaned. His whole body ached; he had bit his tongue and felt blood pooling in his mouth, one of his wrists was probably broken and his left leg felt like he wouldn't be standing on it anytime soon.

“How?”, he rasped, ignoring the question that seemed far more important: _Why?_

Loki's smirk turned into a grin. “Oh, Anthony, you made it _so_ easy. I fed you with lies and you swallowed them as if they were Ambrosia.” And _that_ just hurt.

The prince moved a bit so his back was turned towards Thanos. As soon as the Titan couldn't see his face anymore, the grin vanished, he gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes, a clear gesture of _You bloody idiot_ . Tony could only blink in confusion ( _pain_ ).

“Your suit was loaded with my magic”, the god said and although his expression was dead serious and his eyes maybe just a little too wide (in fear?), he still sounded like he was grinning, full of arrogance and confidence. A thin line of blood was trickling down his chin and he attempted to wipe it away nonchalantly, but only smeared it more. _The poison._ “I can access it whenever I wish to.” He extended his free arm into thin air and the next second, his fingers closed around the sceptre he had used during the first invasion. His eyes were firmly trained on Tony as he mouthed slowly: _Play along_.

The sceptre didn't work on him. And Thanos didn't know.

“You _bastard_ ”, the millionaire spat. Fine, he would play along. “You treacherous little bastard.” Loki stretched his arm and positioned the sceptre. “Believe me, if I get my hands onto your...” He cut himself off as the tip of the weapon met his arc reactor. He had no idea how to react, having never seen the process himself, but he played as good as he could, staring down at it. Loki was shielding him from Thanos eyes mostly, anyway.

A faint tingling ran through his body, but nothing more happened. The next second, Loki released him and with a flick of the god's wrist, he was back in his suit. Well, that was easy. And like that, the titan couldn't see his eyes weren't blue. _Nice job, Lokes._

The god turned back to Thanos and said something, meanwhile Tony hissed ( _without_ turning the speakers on, of course: “Guys, we got it. Thor, I need you here, I'll explain that later, just get here asap. The others, keep doing whatever you're doing, we're getting along here.”

“I shall be there”, Thor replied a second later. He hesitated for a moment, then he added: “My brother...”

“...has not betrayed us”, Tony finished. “Everything's okay, he's just one hell of an actor – but you of course you need to act as if you think he turned on us. Now get here.” Now he just had to hope Thor was at least half as good of an actor as his brother.

“Could anyone explain to me what the hell's going on here?”, Clint complained.

“Nope”, Natasha responded. “Shut up and shoot, we need the line for actual problems. As long as Loki doesn't kill me, I don't need Tony's rambling to distract me.”

“Well, thank you”, the engineer muttered and pulled a face.

“Anytime, Tony.”

Then, Loki turned back towards him and Tony quickly changed the channel, still speaking without the suit speakers on.

“Alright, Lokes, only you can hear me now”, he said. “You overheard our little conversation, Thor's on his way here, I've got a plan, but we need to stay close to Thanos. Buy us some time, talk about the weather or something, just don't make him send us away until your brother's here, shouldn't take long. I know you can do that.” He hoped he had talked fast enough so it didn't look like Loki was staring at him too long.

“Well then, Stark”, the god said. “Don't you want to greet your new master before we take care of our _friends_?”

Tony swallowed thickly. Alright, he could do this, Thanos couldn't even see his face so he just had to modulate his voice a bit and even that was easier through the suit's speakers. He had had more difficult situations to act in. This wasn't going to go wrong, he had a plan. Everything was fine.

“Alright, if you say so”, he replied flippantly, turning the speakers back on. “Do I have to bow or something?”

“It would be only appropriate”, Loki answered sharply. Ah, right, no joking around here. Loki was buttering Thanos up and the guy was totally falling for it. So Tony crouched down on one knee (time, time, _time_ ) and while he had his head bowed down, he mumbled with the public speakers turned off: “Thor, when you get here, I need you to hit me with a lightning. Remember, me and Loki, we're both compromised.”

“Understood. I am almost there” the god replied and before Tony could come up with anything to say to Thanos, he heard a thunderous crackling in the air and whirled around, pretending to be surprised. Only seconds later, Thor landed on the ground heavily and announced with his booming voice: “Brother, I shall not allow this treason of yours!”

“Shan't you?”, Loki asked, smiling thinly. “What a pity.” He made a gesture towards Tony. “Go, take care of him”, he ordered.

The engineer raised a hand, charging a repulsor and firing it at Thor who dodged easily and shouted: “Stop this madness, friend Anthony! 'tis not you who is doing this!”

“Oh, but it is!”, Tony replied so everyone could hear it and then, via the private line: “ _Hit me_ , Thor!”

“You brought this on yourself!”, the thunderer yelled (and Tony was infinitely grateful that he was not as thick as people tended to think – Thor _could_ be a strategist, it just wasn't necessary very often when you had a big-ass hammer doing all the work for you). Electricity started to crackle around Mjolnir and Tony pretended trying to dodge, but allowed the lightning hit him square on the chest nonetheless.

It threw him off balance for a second, then he heard JARVIS' smooth British voice announce: “Suit power at two hundred and fifty percent.”

“Only two hundred and fifty? He's going easy on me”, the millionaire muttered and then said: “Every bit of energy I don't need into the uni-beam. Loki, we –“ Only then he noticed the public speakers were turned on. “ _Fuck_! Screw the plan. Thor, hit him, _now_!”

Without waiting for a response, he turned around and fired the overloaded uni-beam at Thanos. Only a second later, it was joined by the god's thunder and even through the HUD, the resulting flash of light was blinding. Anyway, he was able to make out the green glow of Loki's magic somewhere in there, too.

When the brightness subsided, there was a huge cloud of dust, blocking the place the titan had just been standing on from view. Looking around, Tony also failed to spot Loki – but then a powerful draft of wind pushed the smoke away and revealed the god standing beside the closing portal, Thanos' head – clearly severed from his body – in his hand, the other clutching a long, silver knife. The dust faded away just in time for Tony to see how Loki tossed the body part into that strange intergalactic wardrobe he stored his things in. It vanished together with the sceptre. Next was the helmet which the god pulled off his head to reveal sweaty, black strands, and then he finally looked at the other two.

“We did it”, Tony mumbled, more to himself, then repeated for his fellow teammates: “We did it! The portal's closed and Thanos is down, but”, he glanced at the HUD, “so's my suit's power. Can I leave the clean-up to you? There are no new aliens coming and I need a break, seriously.”

“SHIELD will send backup, we can deal with the small ones on our own”, Fury promised. “Good job, Stark and Thor”, he hesitated and the second part of the sentence sounded a bit grumpy, “...and Loki, too.”

“Why, I am honoured”, Loki drawled, but he was smiling through bloodied lips. Ah, wait, _bloodied lips_? “With your permission, I shall retreat as well, I am... exhausted.” Tony noticed he was still trembling and terribly pale, and he was relieved when the other Avengers assured they could take care of the last Chitauri themselves. Thor was off in a flash again and Tony stepped (limped) closer to Loki.

“So, see you at the to–“ He didn't even get the chance to finish his sentence before his armour was gone again and Loki grabbed him. A moment later, they were surrounded by darkness and in the one after that, the penthouse materialized around them. The engineer felt Loki's worried gaze wander over his form. “I'm fine”, he reassured (or, more precisely, lied). “Just, um... yeah, I kinda hit some concrete head-first for some reason. Nothing that won't heal though. I can –“

The god stepped forward and ran his hands through Tony's hair. The millionaire winced as he brushed a bleeding gash on his forehead, but then the throbbing pain in his skull subsided and he understood that he was being healed.

“Where else are you hurt?”, Loki asked quietly and the engineer shrugged (shit, that hurt _too_! There was a reason for avoiding crashes as much as he could) before raising his wrist.

“Well, when you're on it already, I think this is broken”, he stated and flinched as the god took hold of it gently.

“This is going to hurt.” That was the only warning he got before Loki twisted his wrist. He cried out and wanted to jerk it away, but then, the pain was already gone and he exhaled shakily, muttering curses under his breath. His leg was next, and then some of the bigger bruises and lacerations. “You should –“ Loki cut himself off with a small, pained noise and in the next second, a small trickle of blood made its way from his nose over his lips and down his chin.

“What's that now?”, Tony asked uncertainly and stepped forward. “Are – are you okay?”

“Yes, I...” The god groaned, pressing a hand to his nose, and started swaying on his feet. “I just... overused my magic. It causes... Apparently it causes the poison to spread faster.”

“Wait, does that mean – you're supposed to have two more days, aren't you?” Tony noticed himself that there was a frantic edge to his voice, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

“Two more days under normal circumstances”, Loki corrected. “I did not discount this when I set the numbers.” He sounded strained and blood was staining his hand when he staggered backwards until he was able to collapse on one of the couches.

“You mean you're going to – fuck, no, please don't tell me you're –“ The millionaire followed his lover to the sofa and knelt down in front of him. “Look at me, Lokes.” Obediently, Loki lowered his arm and revealed the blood smeared over his face and still running from his nose. His jaw was clenched hard and his whole body was tense like a bowstring. “Does it hurt?”, Tony asked (which was a stupid question, alright, but he wasn't exactly used to people dying in front of him, okay?).

“It is... bearable”, the god gritted out and looked anything but bearing.

“Bearable? You're dying!”, Tony blurted out.

Loki just rolled his eyes and remarked: “Thank you, Anthony, I wouldn't have noticed.” He started to cough into his elbow, his eyes squeezed shut and his whole body cringing. He was wheezing for air, a slick sound accompanying his every breath, and looked like he was going to suffocate at any second. When he could breathe normally again, he looked up at Tony and rasped: “I am sorry, you should not have to witness this, but I have no energy left –“

“Oh nonono, you're not gonna leave”, the engineer interrupted. “You'll... I mean, we can...”

“Are you really starting this again?”, Loki sighed. “One would think you mortals would care less about death, regarding your pitifully short life spans. I have lived far longer than you will ever do, so why can't you accept that my time has to come to an end, too?”

“Because I love you”, Tony responded. He wasn't sure if the situation made it harder or easier to admit, but the words were already out and he took in Loki's stunned expression for a second. “Oh, come on, don't act like you didn't know.”

“I didn't”, the god replied, his eyes just a little too wide. “In case you do not remember, I asked you if you were serious when you told me. You said you had been angry and not meant what you said.”

“You're the god of _lies_!”, Tony exclaimed, almost whining. “You were supposed to see through that!”

“Well, I'm sorry for trusting you!”, Loki snapped. “I believed what you –“ He was cut off by another coughing fit that left him gasping for air and blood on his lips. Tony climbed up onto the couch beside his... lover? boyfriend? ...to steady him with a hand on his back and another one on his shoulder. The tremors shaking him grew stronger and he was hunched over himself, crouched down so his forehead almost touched his knees in an attempt to soothe the pain. This time, it took several minutes until he could speak again, and when he did, it sounded raw and raspy. “I am sorry, I did not mean to cause you grief. This was –“

“Hush, stop talking”, Tony interrupted, proud of himself for sounding so calm. Because he wasn't, no, not at all. “I'd have been grieving either way, even if you'd died on Asgard. It's got nothing to do with the place, I just don't want you to...” Now his voice cracked and gritted out “Ah, _fuck”_ before he dropped his forehead onto Loki's shoulder and used the hands he had on him to pull him closer. The god shuffled a bit and then Tony felt an arm wrapping around him.

“I love you too, Anthony”, Loki breathed into his ear, tightening his hold on him, and fought against the spasms shaking his body. “Remember”, he pushed himself up so he could face Tony and rest his forehead on the other's, “there is always a next time.”

He lost consciousness about three minutes later. Tony noticed indistinctly that the god's nose was still bleeding and there was a trickle of blood running from his ear, too. His skin grew cold, not in the Jotun way, but just lifeless, and that was when the team returned from their mission, battered and bruised. They spotted the pair immediately and when they couldn't bring Tony to react or let go of Loki's still breathing body, Bruce explained hesitantly what was going on.

They managed to bring Loki into the infirmary to monitor his vitals (which was a nice attempt to pretend they could still do something) and Tony sat by his side, feeling nauseous and panicked, but in a detached way. Like he watched himself being scared for someone's life, but wasn't actually part of it. Thor, on the other side of the bed, was crying openly as he understood there was nothing he could do for his brother. Bruce stared at the monitors and the floor, at the ceiling or at his wrists, just never at Loki. Steve was sitting on the floor, leaning with his back against the wall and clutching his shield in his hands, watching the light play on its soiled surface. Natasha had gotten a bottle of Vodka somewhere and was playing with it absently, barely actually drinking anything. Clint sat just in front of the door, like he was ready to bolt out at any second, and cleaned his arrows.

Everybody but Tony avoided looking at Loki whose body had started to convulse violently by now, but they all stayed, and that was what counted. It was the last proof needed to say that Loki had, indeed, become a part of the team, that he was more than the prisoner sent to earth for redemption. He was, even if not in the usual way, one of them, and so they stayed for the almost two hours it took for him to give up and stop breathing, stop the spasms running through his body, stop bleeding. The constant beeping sound of the machines ceased and a heavy silence filled the room. Even Thor's quiet weeping had stopped a while ago.

It was then that Tony finally woke up from his apathy. He stared at Loki's grey face, stained and smeared with blood, and was about to reach out to touch him when there was suddenly someone else in the room.

He hissed and jerked back when he spotted the girl standing beside the god's head, right opposite from Tony. Long, black hair framed her pale face and she looked at him out of green eyes ( _so green_ ) while she whispered, a smile on her lips: “ _Thank you for watching over him_.” Then, she laid her pale, long fingers onto Loki's forehead and with a flash of sickly green light (not as bright or lively as Loki's), they were both gone, the only reminder being the blood-soaked pillow the god had been lying on.

“Tell me I wasn't the only one who saw her”, the engineer demanded, surprised at how hoarse he sounded. He got small sounds from the others as answer, nobody actually speaking, but still making clear that yes, everybody had seen the strange girl that had just appeared out of nowhere and then vanished with Loki – no, not Loki, Loki's corpse.

“She was Hel”, Thor eventually said, his voice raspy and uneven. “She reigns over the realm of the dead and she is Loki's daughter. I believe that is why she took him.”

The silence stretched for another few seconds until Tony announced: “I'm going down to my floor. Call Jarv if you need me.” Nobody protested.

He did not retreat into his own rooms though. He didn't go up to the penthouse to drink himself stupid either. As soon as he was in the elevator, he told JARVIS to bring him to the 84th floor. The one Loki had been staying in. He entered his bedroom slowly, feeling like he intruded someone's privacy. There was no sign Loki had actually been living here; no pictures, no clothes on the floor, no furniture he had brought by himself, not even a change in their position. The only indicator that he had ever been here were his slightly crumpled bedsheets.

Tony headed for the king-sized bed and flopped down on it, taking in the still lingering smell of winter and _Loki_ , more than anything, _Loki_.

When he curled up in the god's blanket and buried his head in one of the pillows, Tony finally allowed himself to cry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END
> 
>  
> 
> ...Nah, just kidding. There'll be an epilogue. Two epilogues, actually. But to understand the first one, you will need to read Making Amends (part three of the Insomnia series) because seriously, it won't make much sense without that.


	32. Epilogue I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And?  
> ...Aaaand?  
> You know where this is going. Have you read Making Amends? Ah, whatever. Go and read. Whatever you want. :p

The Avengers coped. They didn't really have another choice. There were villains to fight, companies to lead, missions to be done. They all had a life, and all of them were coping, one way or another.

Thor hadn't returned to Asgard as everybody had been expecting. He was wandering around the halls of the Stark Tower like a ghost, his skin pale and his eyes haunted. There was nothing of his usual loud and joyful self to be seen. He didn't talk much and no one saw him eat anything in the three days that had followed the departure of his brother – except from an occasional mug of hot chocolate, although he would rather stare at it than actually drink it. New York didn't see the sun in these days.

Steve spent a lot of his time drawing and painting. Quick sketches of Loki, alone or interacting with the team, that he didn't want to forget. Loki on a couch, talking to Thor. Loki with a mischievous grin and the shield in his hands. Loki making breakfast for all of them, his hair still tousled from sleep. Loki trying to figure out the toaster. One of the pictures showed Loki with his eyes closed and Steve's hands on his shoulders, massaging them gently from behind.

If Clint had gotten used by now to sleeping in a bed, it was all for naught again. The others found him in the vents, on couches, once even on the roof, but mostly he curled up on himself into a ball on top of the common kitchen's fridge, quietly turning an arrow over and over in his hands.

Natasha didn't appear any different on first sight. She would go to bed early, rise early, eat breakfast, do whatever she did, have dinner, and go to bed again. Only those who knew her could know that she was never that mechanical, that steady in her actions. Only those close to her saw behind her mask, behind her imperfectly perfect routine. Not even they understood why she started to carry a hairbrush around with herself though.

Bruce locked himself up in the laboratories most of the time. He had never discovered an antidote for the poison, but he still couldn't bring himself to delete the folder that held all information about ideas and failed solutions. Sometimes, he opened it and stared at the various formula, still searching for a riddle's answer that would come far too late.

Tony was, obviously, in the worst condition. He had fallen asleep on Loki's bed that day and woken up from a nightmare only hours later. Since then, he had not tried to sleep again and had spent his time in the workshop just staring at screens emptily while his mind wandered. He hadn't touched any alcohol because he knew if he did, it would turn out to be a disaster and he had had enough of those these days. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep himself from thinking that it was unfair how things had gone. When Loki had died, the scars from his years of torture under Thanos and The Other had still been visible and he had gotten no chance to actually recover from everything that had happened.

The lack of time and chances were the things that felt most painful to Tony. After all, he had known – really _known_ , not counting from the invasion – Loki for little more than three weeks, barely a month, and when they had finally gotten around talking to each other, Loki was gone. They had had no time to even _start_ a relationship, no chance to do all the things they could have done. No, it was a quite literal love-confession at Loki's deathbed. It was so cliché it was ridiculous.

Almost three days without sleep were taking their toll and when Tony pushed himself out of his chair and walked over to the elevator, his steps were slow and unsure. It was frustrating that he couldn't get himself to feel anything but hollow. He had wanted to feel angry because Loki had risked (and lost) his life just like that, he had tried to be happy and ignore everything (which had, _of course_ , not worked out) and he had even actively tried to feel sad, to grieve, but everything he got was a vague, empty feeling of loss, of something missing that should be there.

He hadn't even noticed the elevator doors opening until Steve's voice interrupted his apathy: “Tony, are you alright?”

The engineer looked up and blinked a few times to get his vision to focus before stepping out of the cabin and replying: “Nope. Stupid question, Rogers.”

“You're right”, the soldier agreed quietly. “Stupid question.” They both looked awkwardly at the floor for a few moments. Despite them being a team and everything, they hadn't actually gotten to talk about the whole chaos that their lives had become lately, with a crazed god showing up on their doorstep and the whole mess following suit.

“So”, Tony said eventually, “what are you doing in my penthouse anyway?”

“I, uh... dunno”, came the uncertain reply. “I was just... I don't even know. I was wandering up the staircase for some reason and ended up here.”

“Wandering around at night? Don't you go all Thor on me, we've already got enough with one grumpy blonde here”, Tony joked – or tried to, it came out more sombre than anything else and the smile he attempted felt more like a grimace. “It's strange when he's not around upsetting people, isn't it?” The words were out before he could think about them.

“Sort of, yes”, Steve admitted. They still didn't look at each other and the engineer felt strange for having even started this conversation. But now that he had, the words were pouring out of him.

“He was goddamn annoying sometimes. Should've seen him at the lab, he could be a bit of a smartass – nah, not a bit, he was one. He was great with mathematics and caught up with the rest of the stuff pretty fast, too. Turns out they just have different names for all the stuff up in their castle in the sky. But sometimes he was a fucking nuisance. Trickster god, ha. JARVIS teamed up with him, did you know that? He helped him with his little pranks all the time. Once he changed a program when I was away to get coffee and when I got back, it kept sending cheap chat-up lines to Fury. The guy was pissed, lemme tell you.” Tony chuckled weakly. “He was a prankster, nah, he was _the_ prankster.” Brushing a strand of hair out of his face, he mumbled: “What the hell am I even rambling about?”

“Tony, I think you should get some sleep”, Steve said carefully. How comforting.

“Can't”, he answered curtly. “Nightmares. They're getting worse again.”

Steve obviously didn't know how to react to that and Tony really couldn't blame him, he was struggling with it himself. Steve was not his therapist after all. Therefore, it surprised him all the more when the soldier said: “Come here?” It sounded like a question more than an order, and when Tony looked up, he saw that Steve's arms were slightly opened, a hint of an invitation.

“You know I'm not a hug person, Rogers”, he mumbled, but betrayed himself by stepping forward and allowing the other to wrap him in a tight embrace. He looped his arms around Steve's waist and tried to breathe in deeply, tried to enjoy the warmth and the comfort that were offered to him, but all he could think of was how wrong it felt.. Steve's smell was too heavy, not as fresh as Loki's which kept reminding him of winter; he was too tall and too broad; he was too warm. Loki was not exactly _cold_ , but always a bit more chilly than anybody else and Steve was the exact opposite. It was wrong, everything about it was wrong, and the fact that a hug was never going to feel right again brought tears to his eyes.

After a minute, the engineer pulled away and wiped his sleeve over his eyes that were suspiciously wet. Then, he chuckled nervously and said: “I guess I'm better off going to bed. See you tomorrow, Cap.”

Steve nodded and wished him a good night, and then Tony was in the elevator again. Before JARVIS could bring him to his floor though, he pushed the button that led the cabin upwards. He needed air, he needed to get everything out of his head, if only for a minute. The numbness that had overcome him was painful and somehow, he felt like he should be mourning for Loki properly, crying and wailing and whatsoever, instead of watching his life pass by as if it were another's.

The elevator stopped and Tony stepped out of the cabin. Then, he pushed open the glass door separating him from the outside and was instantly greeted by a painfully cold wind. He ignored it and walked towards the edge of the roof. The night was cloudy, there had barely been any sun in the past few days and they'd had a lot of thunderstorms. Go figure.

When he stood just a foot away from the edge of the concrete building, Tony stopped and let his gaze fall onto the city below which was illuminated by small, white lights, bright specks all over the darkness, just like a sky which was not as clouded as the one above. The cold wind made his fingers feel numb and after half a minute, the engineer was shivering slightly, but he stayed where he was, because the cold and the pain it brought cleared his mind and enabled him to breathe freely.

Suddenly, the there was another noise, beside the busy hum of the streets below, that was breaking the silence. A voice. _The_ voice.

“Anthony, you fool, step back _this instant_!”

Tony jumped, startled by the sudden sound, and spun around. He spotted Loki, _Loki_ , standing in the middle of the roof, unharmed, without blood, and –

It took him a second to notice he had lost his footing on the concrete, that the sudden movement had carried him backwards and there was nothing but _air_ underneath him. In a reflex, he extended his arms towards the god before falling backwards, down towards the city. He had opened his mouth to say Loki's name, but all that came out now was a startled yelp.

The sensation of falling brought back unpleasant memories, together with a rush of adrenaline that made his heart beat so fast against his ribs that it hurt. He was reaching out for something to grasp, something to hold on to, something _not air_ , but there was nothing, just wind and the edge of the building that seemed farther and farther away.

Suddenly, there was something else, something warm wrapped around him – _limbs? –_ andhe was falling again, but this time upwards and downwards at the same time, and to the side and _everywhere_ , and he knew this feeling exactly, he had felt it two times so far – and then, it was over and he hit the ground, the impact softened by a body underneath his.

“Lo-loki?!”, he heard himself say. “What the – I thought you were... your body...”

“Anthony”, the god interrupted, propping himself up on his elbows and meeting Tony's eyes for the first time, “should you do something like that ever again, I will personally follow you to Helheim to kill you again as slowly and painfully as possible. Which is _very_ slow and painful. Do you understand?”

“I – yes”, Tony stammered. “I didn't actually want that, it's just that you startled me and... well, I thought, I mean...”

“Didn't you die or something?”, Clint interrupted the engineer's stuttering. Looking up, Tony noticed that Loki had teleported them to the penthouse and Steve was staring at them with wide eyes. Glancing back to Loki, he saw that the usually jet-black hair was interrupted by one snow white streak that definitely hadn't been there before, but apart from that, he looked just the same as three days ago. Just somehow... less dead. “Or am I the only one who thinks it's weird when dead demigods spawn in your house outta nowhere?”, the archer continued.

Aforementioned demigod was smiling about something only he could see while retorting: “Am I the only one who finds it weird that you are hanging upside down from the ceiling?”

“Dude, it's a spy thing”, Clint elaborated helpfully. “Seriously, what are you doing here? Zombies are _not_ cool.”

“Yes, I think that's a good moment for me to re-enter this conversation”, Tony announced. “What the hell are you doing here, Lokes? Not that I'd complain, but maybe you understand that I'm kinda curious. And with _kinda_ curious I mean the _what the actual fuck is going on here_ sort of curious.”

“That's a long story”, Loki said, who didn't seem to want to stop smiling anytime soon. “But maybe I could tell you while I am not laying on the floor with you on top of me? Because as much as I love this position, I think we would highly disturb Captain Rogers with that now.”

“You've got a point”, the millionaire admitted and got to his feet so he could give his boyfriend (they were boyfriends now, right? The term sounded kind of silly when applied to a god) a hand. It was accepted and when Loki stood again, he looked Tony up and down with a deep frown on his face.

“Anthony, when have you last slept?”, he demanded scoldingly.

“Nope, Loki, like absolutely definitely nope!”, Tony protested. “ _You_ died, and I'm gonna be worried about _you_ and I won't accept anything else, so sit your ass down and explain this. JARVIS, you call the others in, I think they might want to hear this. But before that...” Tony turned towards Loki and pulled him close for a short, but _really_ damn sweet kiss that promised more, much more. Because now it seemed like they had time, and they had chances to use this time. Smiling softly, he whispered against the god's lips: “It's good to have you back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, still not the end. There's a second epilogue that'll explain all this stuff now.   
> I hope you liked it!


	33. Epilogue II: A bargain with Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Didn't understand the last chapter? Don't worry, that was my intention.  
> Now you'll learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Myrsky for aiding me in this story since, uh... chapter 14, I think? :p Seriously, you're awesome.

In his rather long life, Loki had had many experiences. Death was, obviously, not one of them. Or, as he would have to say now, had not been. Because apparently, he was dead now. The experience was not half as impressive as he had imagined it to be, it had merely been... unpleasant. Painful, yes, definitely. But he had not felt anything that he would have expected, like a soul being pulled out of his body or any astral form experience or anything like that. No, actually Loki didn't feel really dead at all.

He looked around in the dark hall he stood in. No, dark was not quite the right word – there were torches on the wall, but rather than spending light, they made the shadows of the room come alive in writhing, dancing movements. This certainly didn't look like he had imagined Valhalla (where he ought to be now since he had died in a fight, hadn't he?), so perhaps – Hel? Which would mean...

Soft footsteps echoed through the hall and Loki turned around. Behind him, there was a wide staircase that parted into two smaller ones which led to the left and the right. From the left side, a girl clad in a plain dark dress descended the stairs, her bare feet causing quiet tapping sounds on the black marble. Long, black hair framed her pale and the and that slid down the railing beside her had long, almost ghostly white fingers.

Loki watched her for what felt like an eternity until she came to a halt on the last step. This way, she was eye to eye with the god who regarded her, let his gaze wander up and down her body until it locked on her eyes again which were the exact same colour as his.

For once, the Silver Tongue was at a loss for words.

Silently, he extended a hand towards the girl. She looked at it for a second before she finally stepped down onto the floor, making herself about a foot smaller than the god, and determinedly wrapped her arms around his torso in a tight embrace. Loki returned it immediately, holding her as close as tightly as he dared to, and exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

“Hel”, he whispered and rested his chin on top of her head. An unbelievable amount of relief flooded him when her gesture answered so many questions at once. She recognized him. She welcomed him into her realm. She was (or seemed, at the very least) well.

And most important of all, she did not hate him for abandoning her.

After a few moments, she stepped back and Loki let go of her reluctantly.

“Welcome, father”, she greeted, a small smile gracing her lips. “I didn't expect you this soon, to be honest.”

He chuckled. “Me neither. I had expected a few more years –“ _with Anthony_ , his mind finished, but he cut himself off before he could speak that out loud. He couldn't even really say it was true, actually; up until his last moments he had not even believed his feelings to be mutual.

_Because I love you_ , the mortal's voice echoed through his mind.  _Oh, come on, don't act like you didn't know._

Hel noticed his sudden silence and decided to act against it with saying: “Oh, I apologize for taking you before you could go to Valhalla. You died in the aftermath of a battle, you should be there now – I acted before anyone else had a chance to.” She hesitated. “Of course, I will return you if you want to –“

“No”, Loki interrupted. “I do not believe I really wish to spend eternity in Valhalla, together with a bunch of drunk fools who spend _their_ eternity by repeating the same stories over and over again. No way in he– um.” He cleared his throat. “You know what I mean.”

Hel laughed, baring perfectly white teeth. “Your mortal did have quite an influence on you, didn't he.”

“ _My_ mortal?”, the god repeated. “I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.”

“Oh, come on”, his daughter said, grinning. “We have better things to do than denying the obvious, don't we?”

Loki huffed, but didn't speak up again as he followed the goddess back upstairs. They led into a hallway with no torches or windows, but still there was a strange kind of light illuminating the scenery. Hel opened one of the doors and her father noticed with mild surprise that the room behind it looked like a guest chamber. It contained a large bed and several armchairs, also some empty bookshelves and a wardrobe. The furniture looked dark, but comfortable nonetheless, and there was a door on the left wall which he assumed led to a bathroom.

He was proven right when his daughter opened the door and stepped inside. The room was large, with a pool embedded in the marble tiles and when the god looked to his right, he spotted his own reflection in a mirror (no, not quite a mirror, but a wall polished so blankly it allowed him to see himself. His face was still smeared with blood and his armour showed traces of the battle.

“Should my body not be... you know, sort of reset?”, he asked.

Hel smiled while handing him a bowl of warm water, together with a cloth. “Usually, it would be, but I interfered with the natural way of things in order to have you here with me”, she explained. “When he banished me here, Odin gave me more might than he probably likes.” Loki nodded, for the moment satisfied with the answer, and dunked the towel in the bowl to wipe the blood off his face. A thought occurred to him and he reached out for the branches of Yggdrasil, finding out with a pleased smile that he could access his magic even in this realm. While he wetted the towel again to clean himself properly, he kept glancing up at his daughter. There was something about her that bothered him, and apparently he was very obvious as she said: “Go on, ask.”

Loki sighed. It was definitely not good that she was able to read him this easily and he asked: “Am I really _this_ obvious?” To that, she just nodded and he huffed before continuing slowly: “I was just wondering...” He hesitated. This was something that was nagging at his mind, yes, but still it was difficult to address. “How is it that you are not... I mean, I remembered you more...” He stopped again and exhaled.

“Your memory is not fooling you”, Hel said, putting an end to his stuttering (and the disgrace for his name as Silver Tongue). She raised her left hand, slender, almost fragile, and perfectly pale. And suddenly – just for a split second – Loki could see rotten flesh, partly exposing impossibly white bones, before the illusion was back in place. Hel had never stopped smiling and now explained: “My father is the man they call the god of trickery. It would be ridiculous if I couldn't cast a little glamour myself, wouldn't it? It is enough to fool even skilled magicians”, she grinned at Loki briefly before her expression faltered and her eyes dropped to the blood-stained water in the bowl as she continued very quietly, “although it was never enough to trick myself.”

“I am sorry”, Loki whispered, but the goddess immediately replied: “Don't be.” She hesitated. “The dead might be boring sometimes, but I am ruling a whole realm, that's more than some other people in this room.” The god coughed into the washcloth and stared at her.

“ _What_ was that just now?”, he asked incredulously and Hel grinned widely.

“I said, unlike than certain people in this room, I am ruling a realm.” Her father just huffed sullenly in response and heard her snicker, a sound so sincere that it made up for any joke she could possibly make. (And thinking about that, she probably had the sharp tongue from him, anyway.) In lack of a response, he finished cleaning his face to avoid looking at her when he felt an itching on his chest. Right, his body was in the condition it had been in when he had died, which meant...

“If you don't mind.” In a golden glow the upper part of his armour disappeared, leaving him only in tight leather pants and boots. He started wiping off the blood and poison that had been oozing from the sword cut there, revealing perfectly white skin underneath. Interesting. So his inner injuries and poisoning were gone, but his appearance had not changed the least bit. He really needed to know how that had worked. “So... there is something else on my mind”, he told her.

“Go ahead”, she said invitingly.

“There is somebody who should have arrived here a few minutes before I did... A little bigger than me, grape coloured...”

“Ah, you mean him”, Hel said cheerfully. “Don't worry, Thanos is a bit... purple for my taste. I condemned his soul and I am very sure we shall never hear from him again. Although you ruined my game.” Loki cocked an eyebrow in a silent question. “He was chasing after me”, his daughter elaborated, “and I denied death, denied myself to him. But the way you, Thor and Anthony dealt with him, I had no real choice but to finally take his soul. Anyway, father, there is no need to worry about my romantic choices to that extent.” She grinned.

“I am _so_ sorry for ruining your game”, Loki drawled sarcastically and then, Hel's last sentence echoed in his head again. “Wait, are you –”, he searched for the most neutral term he could think of, “are you... in a relationship?”

She laughed again, shaking her head, and replied: “No, I am not... yet. But I'll be sure to ask _you_ for advice, seeing how well you handled your love-life so far. And now clean all that blood up, I want to show you something.”

 

~*~

 

The realm of Death was not half as unpleasant as the name led to believe. Hel showed Loki her enormous library and although the mansion was held in an overall dark style, all the furniture and rooms were comfortable. Even the food (of which he never knew where it was coming from) was great. No, death was really not all that unpleasant. At least, not for him.

“ _Father_!”, he heard Hel scream and leaned back in the armchair he sat in, trying to suppress a grin. “You _dare_ , you damn...” The door of the library hall was flung open and Loki flipped a page of his book just for show before looking up to his daughter. Her cheeks were flushed red with anger.

“What's the matter, my dear?”, he asked innocently.

“You”, she gritted out, “are the matter. You damn child! You can play your games with your mortal friends, but not with me!”

“Why is that? I thought a change of style would be in order”, he explained, desperately holding back his laughter. “I merely assisted you.”

“You. Dyed. My. Hair. Pink.” Her voice was straining from the effort not to yell at him. “For the second time now and you are here for just three days so far.”

“I think it suits you”, he commented, now outright grinning.

“I cannot be seen like this! I am judging souls and bringing them to the Netherworld, and you go and do... _this_!”

“It makes you look very –“

“ _Father!_ ”

Loki sighed and mumbled: “My, my, what a shame. Such beautiful colour.” With a flick of his wrist he annulled the spell and watched the bright pink of his daughters hair fade into black again, making her relax visibly.

“You are insufferable”, she stated and slumped down into an armchair. “At least try to act your age.”

The god of mischief (come on now, he was only living up his title) grinned, refusing to be offended at being scolded by his own daughter, and asked: “What's the point in being a grown up if you cannot be a little childish sometimes?” Hel huffed and for a few minutes, they were both silent before Loki broke the silence by asking curiously: “How can you see into the mortals' realm?”

“It is actually quite easy”, the goddess replied. “It works like any other vision spell, preferable with a mirror or water, but it uses Yggdrasil's energy and the connection of the branches to reach farther than any other spell could. Sometimes, I am even able to see past the great tree's leaves.” Suddenly, her jaw was tight and Loki saw her clenching her fists at her sides. “While you were... with The Other and Thanos, I sometimes saw what they were doing to you. I have never wished to break the rules and kill somebody this much.” She breathed in deeply and shook her head. “But that's over now, and both of them have gotten a punishment I saw as more than fitting.”

Her father nodded slowly and after a few seconds of silence, he decided to steer the conversation back to the spell. Hel went with it easily and for almost an hour, they talked about the finesses of magic and uses for Yggdrasil's far reach before Loki eventually asked, quietly and full of reluctance: “Can I... can I see him?”

“I wondered when you would ask”, Hel replied with a smile. She rose from her seat and motioned for him to follow her. They entered a part of the house Loki had never seen before; the atmosphere was somehow tenser, colder than everywhere else. There was something nudging the back of his mind, but he couldn't get a hold of it, its presence fleeting whenever he got close. It was unsettling, really, but he tried not to pay too much attention to the strange sensations. If his daughter could stand it, then he would be able, too. “Here, have a look”, she said after they had entered a large, dark room that looked like a black copy of Asgard's throne hall. She gestured towards a black bowl sitting on a dark marble throne, dark runes engraved in its sides and the water inside seeming dark, nearly black. As she waved a hand over it, he saw pictures forming slowly.

He crouched down over it and felt a painful pang of guilt stinging his chest when he saw the images, each of them slowly blurring into another. First, he saw one that must be from shortly after he and Thor had left. The team was standing on the roof where Heimdall had taken the brothers from. After a moment of silence, the humans started to chatter (it looked like that, although he couldn't actually hear anything) and slowly retreated. Anthony stayed, standing there and staring at the spot where Loki had been before with an utterly lost expression. At that time, he and doctor Banner had been the only ones to know about what was going to happen. When Bruce laid a hand onto his shoulder, he startled and spun around, then smiled as he regained his composure and followed the other scientist inside.

The next scene showed him in his workshop, hunched over a desk with his head in his hands, just when the elevator opened to reveal Barton. Anthony looked up at him and glanced down again, probably feeling caught while he was... grieving? Mourning Loki's loss that nobody knew about yet? Was that what he was doing? The image faded as Clint stepped towards the other mortal.

Then, there was a scene that looked much clearer than the ones before, notas out of focus as the others. It showed Anthony in the penthouse, dark shadows under his eyes, talking to Captain Rogers. He looked incredibly tired and when Steve opened his arms slightly, he willingly slumped forward and buried his face in the fabric of the other man's shirt. The tension he carried didn't seem to leave his body though, even when the soldier held him close, trying to be as consoling as he could. The picture twisted something inside of Loki and expected it to waver and blur out again, but it didn't; it stayed there and if not for the small movements that indicated Steve's and Tony's breathing, the latter slightly irregular, it would have looked like it was frozen. It caused Loki a small, absolutely unnecessary sting of jealousy.

“When was that?”, he asked his daughter, gesturing towards the bowl.

“It is happening right now”, she replied. “The moment we are talking.”

Loki watched with a lump in his throat as Tony pulled back from the Captain and said something, looking almost apologetic. He was probably ashamed for showing that much emotion in front of another, but Loki knew Steve would not allow him to feel bad about it. Due to his experiences in wars and battles, he must have learnt how to comfort those who had lost comrades and maybe even lovers. Perhaps he was exactly what Anthony needed right now.

In the small moment of the god's mental absence, the engineer had left the penthouse. The spell had followed him and showed him standing in the elevator, which was carrying him... upwards? But the penthouse was the highest floor of Stark Tower, the only thing above was...

“The roof!”, he blurted out. “He's heading for the roof!” The moment the realization dawned on him, he felt his pulse quicken and looked up at Hel. “He – this already happened once before, he is... you need to allow me to travel to him.” His eyes were wide and pleading and he glanced down at the bowl to see Anthony walk towards the roof's edge slowly, fighting against the wind. “If he – I need to be there!”

“You know I can't do that”, his daughter replied, her tone almost regretful.

“Please, if he's... I cannot sit by and watch this!”, Loki pleaded. “I will give you anything you want, but...”

“ _Anything_?”, Hel repeated. “Father, you should know better than to propose that kind of bargain.”

“I mean it”, the god insisted. “Believe me, he is worth every price I could pay.”

“What if I ask for his soul?”

Loki fell silent as the words sunk in. That was a call he couldn't make and the goddess knew it. Slowly, he answered: “That is not my decision to make. But I can offer you something else.” He took a deep breath and proposed: “I offer you my immortality.”

Hel's eyes widened as she repeated: “ _Your immortality_.” He just nodded and she seized one of his hands with both of hers. “Are you sure you are willing to give it up for him? The mortals are unsteady creatures. You can't be certain if he won't betray you or decide he found someone better. On top of that, you will live another fifty or sixty years at most.”

“Yes, and then will return to you”, he replied, smiling softly. “And that is a promise I want you to give me: No matter how I die, I wish for you to take me back into your realm. Sixty years are not that much time to wait.”

She smiled back. “Well then, I shall break the rules of my own regime – for the sake of my hair never being pink again.” She glared, but grinned shortly after. “It is your soul and immortality for Anthony Stark's life and love.” With the last word, she winked at him and then leaned forward, breathing a kiss on her father's forehead. “Until next time, father”, she whispered and before he had time to respond, Loki felt a pull tugging on his mind and body, and then he was yanked backwards (and forwards - and to the sides) and was surrounded by black (and white - and red - and green), feeling nothing (and too much) and smelling nothing (and mint - and blood - and leather - and oil).

Within seconds (or an eternity) the distant noise of New York's night traffic flooded his senses, accompanied by the smell of too many cars and humans stuck in one place. He stood on the roof of Stark Tower, the wind pulling on his clothing, and then he spotted Anthony, standing on the very edge of the building.

“Anthony, you fool, step back _this instant_!”, he yelled and saw the mortal whirl around, wide-eyed and startled, and for a second he was balancing on the edge of the concrete before he fell backwards, his arms outstretched and a surprised cry on his lips. For a split-second, he seemed to hover in the air before he vanished, falling down towards the city.

The irony of it was painful – Loki had come back to rescue him and should be the cause of his death now? Oh no, he was not going to let fate betray him like that. With a spell he knew how to use for ages, he bent the fabric of space itself, slipped into its shadows and stepped out of them just a second later, his stomach turning because of the sudden sensation of being tossed into free fall. Despite the wind pulling and ripping on him and the leather coat, the god opened his arms and spotted Anthony directly above him, limbs flailing and scrambling for purchase uselessly.

Loki extended his arms and caught a hold of the mortal, pulling him close (and ignoring the elbow hitting his face) so he could open a crack in reality for them to slip through (or, to be precise, _fall_.) It opened in the penthouse, the first location Loki had thought of, and they crashed onto the marble floor. Unfortunately, the teleportation had taken nothing away from their momentum so the impact pushed the air out of the god's lungs, especially with Anthony on top of him. Gasping for air, he let his arms fall to his sides so he was splayed out on the cool floor and tried to silence the blood pounding in his ears.

“Lo-loki?!”, he heard the mortal stutter. “What the – I thought you were... your body...”

“Anthony”, he interrupted and pushed himself up on his elbows, ignoring the protest of his spine, “should you do something like that ever again, I will personally follow you to Helheim to kill you again as slowly and painfully as possible.” Which was technically not possible, but he didn't need to know that. “Which is _very_ slow and painful. Do you understand?”

“I – yes”, Anthony answered hastily. “I didn't actually want that, it's just that you startled me and... well, I thought, I mean...”

“Didn't you die or something?”, Clint (who was hanging upside down from the ceiling) posed the question that the engineer had probably had in mind. “Or am I the only one who thinks it's weird when dead demigods spawn in your house outta nowhere?”

Loki smiled. After all, he had all the time in the world to explain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end.  
> Like, really, the end.  
> Thanks to you all for sticking around these, uh... 33 weeks :D Your comments were always a great encouragement and I'm really grateful for the feedback I received!
> 
> ...Although, knowing me, I won't stay inactive for long. Actually, I already started a new, big FrostIron story because why not? Maybe I'll see some of you again ^.^
> 
> And even if not, thanks for being here and letting me know it, and with that - goodbye!
> 
> *EDIT*: By the way, there are two new epilogue-ish chapters of Making Amends on. In which Loki becomes an Avenger and more.


End file.
